Harry Potter & the Azkaban Parody
by Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf
Summary: Azkaban Story! After reading so many Azkaban stories, I have decided to write a parody of my own. This is about how everyone is demanding that Harry forgive them for betraying him without actually asking. I am going for humor more than anything
1. Chapter One

**Harry Potter & the Azkaban Parody**

By Fangalla Marie

"Harry, you've got to forgive us," cried Hermione as the Weasley family stood around her.

"Why?"

"Because, Harry, my boy," Dumbledore said, taking over form the near hysterical girl. "You need to let go of your pain and accept what has happened to you. It is for your own good."

Harry stood there and stared at his former Headmaster, friends and family. After all Professor Dumbledore has expelled Harry when he was sent to Azkaban for a crime any fool with half a brain knew he didn't commit.

"For my own good?" asked Harry bitterly. "Let me get this straight, you believed that I would suddenly turn dark because I was mourning the loss of my godfather, whose death I still blame you for, and behaving the way you all wanted me to. Then you sat there in your office and told me that I was lying about murdering Hagrid, Professor Trelawney, Percy Weasley, several house elves and that large three headed dog, Fluffy, even though you verified that it wasn't my wand that killed all of those people. You then expelled me from school, knowing that I was innocent, handed me over to the Dementors, all the while looking at me as if I was the greatest disappointment to you."

Professor Dumbledore stood there and looked ashamed of himself.

Taking a deep breath, Harry went on, "I was in that cold and dark cell for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds and the only reason I got out of it then was because Voldemort and his Death Eaters came and dragged me out of it."

Everyone but Dumbledore flinched at the sound of the dark wizard's name.

"Get over it, he's dead now," Harry said with a great deal of irritation before he continued. "Apparently you and the other ministry officials were there the same day to see to it that the Dementors performed the deadly kiss on me and suck out my soul. If it wasn't for the fact that damned idiot of a dark lord would never shut up and told everyone what really happened that day, I'd be dead or worse."

Everyone in the group looked ashamed of the way they had treated the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Then what's worse, I had to actually duel the scaly idiot after not having my wand for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. It was a miracle that I was able to kill him with someone else's wand."

Then Harry turned his attention to his two former best friends and said, "As for you two, did it never occur to you that I was innocent? I always believed in you, why didn't you believe in me?"

"Harry, mate …" Ron began but was cut off by Harry.

"The two of you not only hurt me, but you went up to our dormitory and actually burned everything that I ever owned," Harry said with a hurt look in his eyes. "I could have lived without the clothes and books, those can be replaced. You went and burned my Firebolt, the only thing Sirius ever gave me and my dad's cloak, the only thing I ever had that was his and the photograph album that Hagrid gave me of my family. The thing I had to know what they looked like."

"We're so sorry Harry," Hermione said with tears streaming down her face.

"I don't care how sorry you are," yelled Harry. "What about Hedwig?"

No one had the courage to answer him.

Harry turned to the twins and accused, "The two of you held me down and forced me to watch as this half-wit of a younger brother actually wrung her neck. **WRUNG HER NECK!** You made me watch as you murdered the only living creature in the world you believed in me."

"We're sorry Harry," the twins chorused each other.

"**SORRY?"** shrieked Harry. Then in a calmer tone he continued once again, "Then after I killed the bastard, the ministry decides to set me free, gives me a million galleons for my troubles and says 'All is forgiven.' And now you have the crust to stand there and demand that I forgive you?"

"Yes, Harry we are," Dumbledore said in a grave tone. "It's for your own good that you do so."

"You only want me to forgive you so that you won't feel guilty for the way I have been forced to live my life! You only want me to forgive you so that you can feel better!" screamed Harry.

"That would be correct."

Everyone stood stock still including Harry as they all looked over to the greasy potions master.

"Yes, Potter, that is exactly what they are saying to you."

"Thank you Professor," Harry said gratefully, actually wanting someone to admit what he knew was true. Then picking up a paper bag which held the rags he wore in Azkaban, he headed for the door to loose himself in Muggle London and away from the wizarding world forever.

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to leave Harry," Dumbledore said with a sparkle returning to his eye, because he had a plan. As you'll see in later chapters this was not the best of plans to have, but oh well, it's the one he's going with right now.

Harry turned back with pure hatred in his eyes and asked, "Excuse me?"

"Yes, you see I managed to get a law passed that says you, Harry Potter, have to complete your education at Hogwarts, where you will be constantly bombarded with all the people you don't want to see until we break you and force you to forgive us."

"But I'm of age."

"Tosh, that doesn't matter," Dumbledore said. "Until you forgive us, I'm going to keep manipulating you until you make us feel better for betraying you."

"I've already missed my entire sixth year and part of the seventh," Harry said looking for a logical way to get out of this.

"That doesn't matter, as we're going to force you to take both years at the same time, forcing you to do twice the work that anyone else in the castle is, which of course, will force you to ask for help from your friends in order for you to complete these tasks. Then of course, you will be forced to rejoin the Quidditch team and work with even more people that you hate, which will make your life even worse than it was in Azkaban in order for us to feel better about ourselves."

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with the Headmaster.

"And I have no say in this what-so-ever? Even though I am of legal age, have no wand anymore, no books, no clothes, and no money."

"That would be correct my boy."

"Fuck you," and Harry walked out the door anyway and out into the dirty streets of London.

x-x-x-x-x

Out in Muggle London Harry was soaked to the skin within moments due to the downpour of rain from the thunderstorm that raged over that part of the city. This did not deter him in the least and he began to walk. Harry had no idea where he would go, but walking away was the best thing for him to do.

"I can't believe them," Harry muttered to himself as he walked in the rain. "They just expect me to kiss and make up just like that? Idiots!"

However, Harry eventually came to a cross roads and now he really did need to decide where he was going. Looking both ways and across the street, he quickly decided that none of the options were that appealing to him.

"Well, I guess I could just become a homeless person for awhile," Harry muttered to himself again. Then spotting an alcove in an alley, he walked over to it and sat down.

"Wotcher, Harry."

Harry spun around and saw the face of Tonks as she pulled an invisibility cloak off of herself.

"What do you want?" snarled Harry unpleasantly.

"There's no need to be crabby, kid," she replied like the puffed up Auror he knew her to be.

"The last time I saw you, _Nymphadora_," Harry spat, "You personally threw me into my cell in Azkaban after you sucker punched me in my gut and told me that it was my fault that Sirius was killed by your auntie Bellatrix."

Tonks looked sheepish even though she wanted to yell at him for calling her by her given name. "Sorry about that," she muttered.

"Save it. Why are you here?"

"Dumbledore's orders," she replied. "He says we have to keep an eye on you no matter what."

Harry was about to explode with anger. Had he not already told them he wanted nothing to do with these people ever again? "What if I said I wanted to be left alone?" Harry asked through clenched teeth.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Fuck you," growled Harry.

"From that attitude I'd say you could use a good shag, but I don't think so," the young Auror said with a smile, which did not get returned.

"If I can't get rid of you, then shut up."

"Okay Harry, I'll just sit here and not say a word. Uh huh that's right, just sit here keeping an eye on you in the down pouring rain without a word between us. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. You won't so much as hear a peep out of me as we sit here getting Merlin only knows what kind of sickness from being cold and wet and miserable and hungry. Nope, not a word."

"Merlin, you're a sodding bitch," Harry said heatedly.

"That's not a friendly thing to say Harry."

"You're not my friend. I don't have any friends anymore."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself …"

"Fuck off," interrupted Harry.

Tonks continued as if he said nothing, "… and get on with your life. Alright, so you may not forgive any of us for not believing you. Does that mean you have to live out here on the street for the rest of your life?"

"Can if I want to."

"I don't understand you, you know that? You'll go out of your way to save a stranger, but you won't lift a finger to help yourself. At your trial you never once asked for a wizarding solicitor to help you out with your case."

"No one told me that I could have one and no one was helping me at all," Harry said sadly as he remembered those days. However, Harry had a thought go through his head. It wasn't a happy thought, nor was it a sad thought. It wasn't a good thought, nor was it a bad thought, but it was a selfish thought.

"Tonks?" he said pleasantly. "How does one find a wizarding solicitor?"

"They are all over Diagon Alley. Why?"

"Is there a listing of them to know who would specialize in what kind of wizarding law?"

A frown formed on the face of the pink haired young woman as she answered, "Yeah, you can buy a guide in any bookstore. They are updated every few months. Why do you want to know?"

With a feral smile on his young and battered face, Harry said, "I'm about to take your advise." Then he stood up and began to walk away from the seated Auror.

"Where are you going now?"

"Back to Diagon Alley, I have some shopping to do."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later, after Harry had walked though the Leaky Cauldron and pointedly ignoring his former friends and the Headmaster, he made his way to the entrance to Diagon Alley and went directly to Gringott's Wizarding Bank. I mean really, did they truly expect him to just roll over and make up just like that? Trust me, I know you haven't read this story yet, but this is some major foreshadowing happening right in front of you. Pay attention.

At Gringott's Wizarding Bank, Harry privately met with the goblin that was in charge of his family's accounts and later went down to his private vault and withdrew some money. Tonks had been forced to wait for him in the lobby of the bank as he told the goblin guards that she was not with him and he feared that she may be trying to spy on how much gold he had in his vaults.

Upon exiting the bank, Harry headed towards the bookstore, Flourish and Blots. Tonks was still hot on his heels and quickly caught up with him, Harry thought she was going to try and talk to him again, but she instead remained silent and apparently trying to figure out what he was up to. Like that was going to do her any good.

Upon entering the mostly empty store front a young and over eager looking clerk ran up to Harry and asked, "Can I help you find something today?"

"Yes," Harry said coldly, "I was told you sell guides to wizarding solicitors. Do you have any in stock?"

The clerk nodded eagerly and went to get one for Harry. "Will there by anything else, Mr. Potter? I would imagine that you need to buy school books for your return to Hogwarts."

"NO!" said Harry forcefully. Then calming down for a moment to allow the shocked clerk to suck his eye balls back into their sockets he continued, "I only require this for right now."

Harry quickly paid for his item and then stood near fireplace that heated the store and began to look though the guide for what he wanted. Quickly finding a particular section that caught his eye, he began reading the different entries for each solicitor and soon found just the one he was looking for. Looking up to find Tonks was watching carefully, Harry left the shop and out in the rain began to look around to get his bearings.

Harry then headed for Knockturn Alley.

"Harry," Tonks finally said as she caught up with him again in the rain soaked alley, "Where do you think you're going?"

Then for the first time in one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds Harry Potter smiled and continued to his destination without replying to her question.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

After finding the correct building, Harry walked up a flight of stairs and stepping into the office, Harry was still carrying his paper bag with his Azkaban rags. He was never going to give them up no matter what anyone said to him. He needed those rags. They were his only possessions in the world that mattered to him.

"May I help you?" said a sneering witch unpleasantly with a large and ugly looking hair lip from behind her desk in the outer office of the wizarding solicitor Harry had wanted to see. Then, as he expected, saw her eyes dart up to the scar on his forehead.

"Yes, I need to speak with Mister Algernon Graves."

"I don't think that he is in at the moment," the unpleasant looking witch replied.

Harry looked at her skeptically; he could hear someone in the other office talking and knew she was lying. However, after dealing with that group of idiot that was once his friends and family Harry was not in the mood to deal with this woman and walked past her and opened the door into Mr. Grave's private office.

"Delia," barked the elderly wizard without turning around from talking to one of the portraits hanging on the wall nor looking up from his parchments, "I told you I wanted no interruptions."

"I'm not Delia."

Mr. Graves looked around and saw the last thing he ever expected to see in his office … Harry Potter. "Mr. Potter, what an unexpected pleasure."

"Hmmm," was all the reply Harry gave as he surveyed the wizard. Algernon Graves wasn't quite what Harry had expected. Oh he had expected an ancient looking man and that was what he got, and this man had a balding head with long stringy white hair cascading down his shoulders. Thin wire framed glasses barely teetered on the end of his long crooked nose and his clothing looked like something worn by Muggles about a hundred year ago. What he had not expected was that this man seemed to exude a presence of fair play but without the constraints of morality that one would not expect from someone who dwelled in Knockturn Alley.

Mister Graves waves his hand imperiously towards the vacant black leather arm chair in front of his desk as he took his own behind his desk and ignoring the grunting sound Harry made, the solicitor continued, "What can I do for you today Mr. Potter?"

"First, can you please cast a silencing charm around this room? There is an Auror following me against my will and I do not want her to hear what we are going to talk about," Harry said coolly.

"I'm not sure if any charm I cast would do much against an Auror, however, since you requested it …" Mr. Graves said and then cast the charm. Harry had the suspicion that he just raised the old wizard's curiosity.

"Thank you, now I wanted to hire you to represent me in the wizarding courts."

"Why me?" asked Graves, "Why not go to the solicitor that represented you at you trial last year?"

Harry frowned, "I wasn't allowed one. However, that is not the reason I've come to you today."

"Wasn't allowed one?" Graves asked incredibly. He may not have been the most moral of men, but he did know the law. The law was this man's passion.

"As I was saying, that is not the reason why I've come today. I want you to do several things for me. This morning I was made aware of a new law that pertains to me alone. I want you to find out if this law is real or if I've been lied to about it. If it is real, I want to fight it. Then I want to take legal action against several people for damage and destruction of my personal property and the murder of my pet owl, Hedwig."

Mr. Graves looked at his new client and asked, "Are you referring to the one that states that you, Harry Potter, must complete your education at Hogwarts, where you will be constantly bombarded with all the people you hate until we break you and force you to forgive them?"

"Yes," Harry replied with grinding teeth.

"It's not a real law it's a faux law," explained the solicitor when Harry looked confused. "It can only be enforced within a certain time limit and then it disappears. The Ministry is found of faux laws like that, usually to make themselves look better when they've done something completely inept and incompetent."

"Time limit?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, one year. Apparently Albus Dumbledore seems to think that he can force you to forgive them and rid them of their guilt."

"So I have to go back even though I am of age?"

"I'm afraid so Mr. Potter," Grave said and then added with a smile that would frighten a goblin, "However, it does not say you have to co-operate with them. The law only states that you have to be physically in the castle and receive an education. It does not even stipulate what kind of education you receive."

This sparked a few ideas in Harry's mind. A few very good ideas he thought.

"Now, what was this other matter you wanted to talk about? Whom do you want to take legal action against and for what reasons exactly?"

Harry relaxed and began to explain everything to Mr. Graves.

x-x-x-x-x

An hour or so later as Harry exited the office, he was met by Tonks once again, who had been standing guard outside the door.

"What were you doing in there Harry?"

"Following your advice."

"I didn't say I wanted you to come down Knockturn Alley to visit any solicitor, especially this one."

"No, you didn't," Harry admitted.

"Harry …"

"Be quiet," snapped Harry. "You do not have the right to pass judgment on my actions, so don't even try."

"Fine," Tonks fumed. "Where are you off to now?"

"The Leaky Cauldron to have a little fun."

"Fun?"

"Yes fun, I'm sure you've heard about it. It's the thing I didn't get to have for the one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds that I was stuck in Azkaban."

Tonks scowled slightly at the mention of the prison and asked, "What are you planning?"

"You'll find out," smirked Harry as he walked out of Knockturn Alley and towards the pub.

A few minutes later they entered the pub to find the Weasleys, Hermione and Dumbledore still there.

"Ah, Harry, I heard that you went to Gringott's and the bookstore. Getting your supplies for the school year in order?" asked Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye, as if he had just won something.

"No."

"No?" Dumbledore said. "Of course, you don't have a booklist do you. Well we can soon decide what courses you should take won't we."

"No."

Before the Headmaster could continued, several post owls flew in from an outside window and deposited several official looking letters from the Ministry of Magic to the various occupants at the table. Everyone looked at Harry questioningly, opened their letters and quickly read them.

Ron and Hermione were the first to react, "YOU'RE SUEING US?"

"Yep."

"But mate …" Ron began but was cut off.

"I am not your mate, Weasley."

"Harry," Dumbledore began, "why are you doing this?"

"Because they destroyed my property and I think they should pay for its replacement or go to Azkaban as a consequence. Based upon the way I was treated, by all of you, I thought that as the way the wizarding world worked. I wasn't wrong was I?"

"Harry, dear," Mrs. Weasley said affectionately. "You must realize that doing this will only make it harder for you get your old life back. Do you really want to go through with this?"

"I don't want my old life back and yes and I want to do this," Harry said as he took a seat at one of the empty tables in the pub.

Mrs. Weasley looked to her husband. She had no idea what to do next.

"Harry, you realize that you really have no grounds to take legal actions against your friends like this," the Headmaster said.

"Um, professor," Tonks tried to interject.

However, Dumbledore ignored her and continued, "Molly is quite correct, this will only make it harder for you to forgive all of us and move on with all of our lives."

"Not my problem," Harry said coldly. "However, I think you should be more worried about what you've gotten from the Ministry than what they have."

Dumbledore chuckled, "I believe that you are mistaken Harry, I've received nothing."

"Yet."

"Harry?" one of the Weasley twins asked holding a piece of parchment of his own. "What does this mean? You want your earnings from our partnership in the joke shop?"

Smirking, Harry said, "Well, you did make me a partner didn't you? I checked with the goblins while I was in the bank and they reported that you haven't made any deposits into my account from my fair share of the profits. Therefore you owe me quite a bit from two years worth of earnings." Then remembering something else he wanted to mention, he turned back to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. "As for you two, I took the liberty of changing the key to my personal vault and all that the gold you took from it will have to be returned you know. The goblins have it all recorded down to the last knut that was removed since I was sent to Azkaban. They're anal that way."

"Gold?" asked Mr. Weasley. "What gold?"

Mrs. Weasley looked a little embarrassed and admitted, "Well, Arthur you see after Percy was killed and we had all that expense I thought that we were owed the money from Harry, since he had been convicted of our son's murder and since we still had the key to the vault, I took the money from Harry."

"Not to mention illegally from Gringott's itself," Harry added smoothly and quietly.

"Harry, I had no idea, I am truly sorry," Mr. Weasley said.

"I don't really care if you're sorry or not, I still want it back."

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were looking horrified, they did not have any of that money anymore, they had spent it on Percy's funeral and a little of it on Ron's and Ginny's schooling. They simply would have to talk him out of this.

"Harry, you've got to listen to us, we are so sorry about what we did to you. You've got to forgive us," cried Hermione out of what appeared to be shear guilt. She looked at Harry with tears streaming down her face and hoped that he would relent and be her friend again.

"No, Granger, I don't think so."

While everyone stood around Harry looking at each other, another official looking owl appeared in the pub from the Ministry of Magic and flew over to the Headmaster. Dumbledore took the letter from the owl and it flew off again, not wanting to be around for this one.

"Oh good, yours is here now," Harry said with a little delight.

Dumbledore read the notice from the Ministry and paled slightly. "Harry, you don't really believe that this is true, do you?"

"Yes, I do and I am willing to place my memories in a pensieve to show those things to the courts. As you've always told me, they cannot lie. Then everyone will know how you knew the truth that I didn't kill Hagrid, Professor Trelawney, Percy Weasley, several house elves and that large three headed dog named Fluffy and how you did nothing about finding the real murderer."

"Harry," Dumbledore said sternly, "You had a fair trial …"

"**Fair trial?"** bellowed Harry. "I wasn't allowed any kind of legal aid in that trial as you call it. No solicitor, no legal texts to study, nothing. I was forced to endure two Dementors to stand guard over me night and day and then face the one sided horror of Courtroom Ten and you dare tell me I had a fair trial. I was in that damned cell for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds and are you going to tell me that was fair also?"

"Harry," Dumbledore said, "You must see reason, you need to forgive us and this is not the way to do it."

Standing now, Harry said, "I don't need to forgive you at all. In fact I rather like the idea of not doing it and making you all face the consequences of your actions. I think it would serve you right." Then walking over to the bar, Harry looks for Tom, the bar keeper.

"Mr. Potter," Tom asks shakily.

"Hello Tom, I need a room for the night. Do you have anything available?"

"Y .. Yes, Mr. Potter I do."

"Don't worry Tom; you didn't betray me, just these nit-wits over there. You have nothing to fear from me. I promise."

Tom sighed with relief and selected his best room for Harry to stay in.

"Harry, have you forgotten, you must return to Hogwarts with us," the Headmaster said.

"No, I have not forgotten, but today is Saturday. At least I think its Saturday it was so hard to tell when your in Azkaban and have a hundred Dementors slowly driving you crazy, but I will not be returning to the castle until Monday. That is if I cannot get out of it altogether," Harry replied. "In the mean time I have some things to take care of and thus I **WILL** be staying here. **ALONE!**"

Dumbledore was about to speak again, when Harry cut him off. "Now before you say anything, I full well expect you to have me tailed the entire time I am here so that you can somehow fulfill some deep seated control issue you have. Really, you should seek some therapy for that you know. However, I will pick the ones who are my watchers. Mind you I said watchers and not keepers, as I plan to do as I damn well please since I am of age now."

Sighing, the Headmaster asked, "Whom are you willing to have watch over you Harry?"

"Mundungus Fletcher and Professor Snape," Harry listed. "Oh yeah, you can add Tonks to that list, but only because she gives me such excellent ideas, like finding a wizarding solicitor to use the law to screw you all over like you did to me."

"Just those three Harry?" commented Dumbledore, ignoring the jab.

Harry thought about it for a total of two seconds and responded, "For now and you can tell that peg-legged idiot and the werewolf to stay well clear of me. I haven't forgotten about them either, but so far they've surprisingly had enough sense to not come near me."

"Alastor Moody is dead," Mr. Weasley said quietly. "He was killed fighting Death Eaters while you were away."

"Good enough then but make sure you tell Lupin."

Then Harry turned away from the crowd and followed Tom up to the stairs to find his room for the evening with his paper bag clutched tightly in his hand.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Sunday morning, after a fitful night's sleep, Harry was laying awake in bed thinking about how his life came to be like it was, when the sound of a house elf delivering his breakfast tray roused him from his thoughts. Even though the elf, who looked like a young one was wearing an old black shirt and goulashes, had been as silent as the grave but Harry still heard it.

"Thank you," said Harry hungrily.

"Eeeep," the house elf replied.

"Don't be scared, I won't hurt you. I promise."

"I's is knowing that you's isn't harming me, sir."

Smiling, Harry watched as the elf made his presence more noticeable in his room. "What's your name? I'm Harry Potter."

"Denny is knowing who's you's is being, Harry Potter, sir. Master Tom is telling Denny to being quiet in cases you's is still sleeping." Then the little elf grabbed and pulled on his bat like ears repeatedly, "Bad Denny! Bad!"

However, Harry said, "Stop that! I was awake already, you didn't disturb me. I promise."

"Okay," the elf said timidly.

"I have a question for you, if you don't mind me asking."

"What is's you's needing to be knowing Harry Potter, sir?"

"Do you know where I can get a house elf of my own?" asked Harry as he gingerly got out of the bed and sat down at the little table to begin eating his warm and delicious breakfast. In fact it was the best meal he had in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds and he was savoring it.

"Oh yes, I's surely does know! They's is been an elf auction this past week and they's is some leftovers."

"Leftovers? You mean some that didn't sell?" asked Harry. "Where can I find this place?"

"Is not being far Harry Potter, sir. Is being at other end of Diagon Alley, just past Gringott's Wizarding Bank it is."

"Thank you Denny, you were a great help to me."

The elf beamed and popped away.

x-x-x-x-x

Down in the pub, a short time later, Harry was waiting at the bar for his first watcher to arrive. He was getting very tired of waiting for whoever it was to appear.

"Alright everyone," Harry announced to the pub in general. "If my jailer assigned by the meddlesome Albus Dumbledore is here would you please show yourself, I have much to do today and I am getting tired of waiting for you to show up!"

He didn't have to wait long.

"Wotcher Harry, did you have to yell that all over the pub?"

"Yes, I did Nymphadora. Why were you hiding from me?"

Tonks scowled at the use of her first name and said, "I didn't want to be blamed for giving you anymore ideas. That's why I was in disguise this morning."

"Sucks to be you doesn't it? At least your dressed well enough, come on."

"Where are we going?"

Harry smiled wickedly and said, "Muggle London to buy some clothes for me."

"You're not going to try and run away are you?"

Harry just stared at her. How stupid is this woman? "No Tonks, if I were going to do that would I have been screaming for you in a pub full of people? You frighten me, you know that?" Then Harry turned and went towards the door that led to Muggle London with the Auror hot on his heels.

x-x-x-x-x

Some hours later the two returned to the Leaky Cauldron. Harry was looking well groomed, sporting a new hair cut, new glasses and new clothes and Tonks was loaded down with packages that he had forced her to carry for him.

"Hey, Tom," Harry called out to him. "Can you have a house elf take my packages up to my room for me?"

"No problem, Mr. Potter," Tom replied and snapped his fingers. Instantly the packages were gone.

"Wow," Harry said, "That was quick service." Then turning to Tonks, he said, "Ready for some more shopping now?"

Tonks, however, as a response collapsed on a nearby table and said, "NO! I'm too pooped to shop. Besides my shift ended an hour ago. It's someone else's turn to watch you."

"Fine, which one is it? Snape or Dung?"

"I have no idea and nor do I care."

"Well, you've changed your tune rather quickly. First it's 'please forgive me Harry,' and now it's 'bugger off Potter, I need a nap'," Harry said with a smirk. Then taking a look around the pub, Harry saw a mass of dirty rags moving slightly beside the fire. 'Must be Dung,' thought Harry as he moved towards him.

"Dung," Harry said, "Wake up."

The sleeping crook snored on as his tilted chair swayed back and forth slightly.

"Fine, let's play it this way then," Harry said and bent down and yanked the chair out from underneath him causing the ragged man to fall on his bum with a load thud.

Tonks laughed at him from her chair.

"What was that for?"

"For sleeping on the job again," spat Harry. "Now get up we have a lot of things to do today and Tonks wants to go home and take a nap."

"You got him Dung?" Tonks asked.

"Yeah, I think he's got me though."

"Well, I'm outa here. You have fun shopping. He's worse than my mum," then before Harry or Dung could say anything, she disapperated.

"Alright," Harry said coldly, "when does you shift end?"

"Six tonight," Mundungus answered.

Nodding and thinking, Harry replied, "If I give you a sack full of galleons, would you take off and leave me alone today?"

"Harry, you know that I can't … sack full you said?"

"At least a hundred of them," Harry said enticingly.

"Dumbledore would kill me."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him and besides I have every intention of returning to the school now. Besides since when do you care about anything other than yourself?"

"Okay, where the money?"

x-x-x-x-x

A few minutes later, Harry was walking down the cobblestone path of Diagon Alley feeling very pleased with himself. He had taken his morning to drag Tonks all over Muggle London and back and he had just bribed away Dung for the afternoon. This was going to be a good day.

The first place Harry went was Gringott's Wizarding Bank, to make sure he could still charge his personal vault for all of the purchases he was planning on making today. Mostly because he was planning on spending a large amount of gold and really didn't want to carry that much with him. Hello, gold is heavy you know. Once that was taken care of, he was off to do some shopping.

Remembering that Denny had told him that morning, Harry went past the bank and soon found a building that had a sign that read, 'Barnaby Elf Auctions.' Harry smiled at the sign and opened the door and soon found himself inside a room that resembled an auditorium. An auditorium that is that also had a cat walk.

'Granger is going to flip her knickers when I show up with an elf,' Harry thought to himself.

"May I help you?"

Harry turned and saw a middle aged wizard standing there. "Yes, I was told I missed your recent auction, but you had some leftover house elves. Is that true?"

"Yes, we do …" the man began, but caught a glance at Harry's scar and then sputtered, "Ha… Ha… Harry Potter. You're Harry Potter."

"I know," Harry replied off handedly.

"Of course, we have an elf here for you sir. What kind would you like?"

"Well, I would like one that gets along with me personality wise. May I see the few you have left?"

"Of course, Mr. Potter, of course," old Barnaby said and snapped his fingers and an elf popped into the room. "Popo, please assemble all the elves we have for sale."

Within minutes a small number of very young naked House Elves were standing in a line up on the cat walk in front of Harry.

"Why are they naked?" asked Harry.

Old Barnaby chuckled, "You've never owned an elf before have you Mr. Potter? When ever you buy a new one, they are always naked. They find their own ways to cover themselves until you grow dissatisfied with them and award them real clothes."

All the elves shuddered in fear at the Old Barnaby's words.

"I would want my elf to wear a uniform to show that he or she belonged to me. Would that be possible without setting them free?"

"Of course, Mr. Potter, of course. All you need to do is bring a set of clothes here before you purchase an elf and I'll have them put them on. Then you'll buy the elf and then they would be wearing what you want them to. Its very simple, but people rarely bother with it."

"Alright then, before I do that, I have a question," Harry said and turned to the elves again. "Who wants to come and work for Harry Potter?"

All but one of the elves shied away from him, hearing talk of clothing scared them. However, the one girl elf looked up at him and asked, "What is this uniform being looking like?"

"What would you like?" asked Harry kindly.

"I's would be liking a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem of it. I's is seeing a little witch wearing a dress like that last week and thought it was being prettiful."

"I'll get it for you, what's your name?"

"Eppy."

Harry smiled and left the auction house and went to Madame Malkin's shop and bought the little dress for the elf and hurried back. Mr. Barnaby told the elf to put it on and after she did, Harry paid for her and they left the shop to do some more shopping.

x-x-x-x-x

"Where is we going Master Harry?"

"Well, Eppy, first I need to buy a new trunk and then buy some books and some robes. After that I have a few other places to go."

A few moments later, they arrived at the trunk shop and looked into the window, where the owner had many different kinds on display. Seeing that this was the place he wanted to start, Harry and Eppy entered the store and quickly found someone to help them.

"May I help you today?" the middle aged wizard asked upon spotting Harry in his store.

"Yes, I am in the need of a new trunk to travel with. My old one was destroyed in a freak fire bombing," Harry explained. "What I would like to have is one with multiple compartments in it."

"Well then, Mr. Potter, we have this lovely model with a nice little flat in it to use as a living space as well as storage for your belongings."

Harry grunted at it and said, "No, I thinks it's a little too Rosswrock for my needs, what about that one over there?"

"Rosswrock?" the shopkeeper asked.

"Never mind," Harry said dismissively, "What about that one over there."

Throwing Harry a strange look from his comment, the shopkeeper said, "Well this is a basic three compartment model. All three chambers are identical except for the interior color. They're color coded to help you remember things like, blue for clothes and yellow for books or whatever you like."

"How much is it?" Harry asked.

"Twenty two galleons, seven sickles and fourteen knuts."

"Sold," Harry said with a smile. "Eppy can you levitate this for me?"

"Yes, Master Harry," replied the elf while Harry charged the trunk to his account.

Back in the alley, Harry and Eppy headed for Madam Malkin's again. He needed wizarding robes after all. When the two entered the shop, Madam Malkin herself greeted them.

"Oh good, your back," beamed the elderly witch.

Smiling Harry said, "I need some everyday robes and cloaks. Also I'll need some dragon hide gloves and boots."

"I'm so sorry; I don't sell dragon hide here Mr. Potter. You'll have to go three doors down to the leather goods store. However, Professor Dumbledore already wrote me that you were coming in today and I have all your school things laid out for you. All we need to do is measure you to make sure it all fits."

Harry smile vanished at the mention of the Headmaster. "He wrote you? I don't really need school robes, just everyday ones."

"But Mr. Potter, it's already been taken care of. You can expect the same at the book store and the apothecary. Now why don't you stand up here and I'll measure you."

Jumping up on the little stool Harry asks, "Who's paying for my school robes?"

"Why you are, of course."

"But I didn't order them," Harry countered, "Dumbledore did. So I think it's only fair that he pay for them out of his personal Gringott's account."

"I don't know Mr. Potter," the shopkeeper said uncertain.

"Is it fair for him to order something and expect me to pay for it? Is that legal or ethical? Especially something that I didn't want to buy to begin with?"

"Well, no," admitted Madam Malkin.

"Then I'll pay for my personal robes and cloaks, since I asked for those and you can bill him for the school ones," Harry stated clearly.

"Well that does seem fair," agreed the seamstress. "Will you need any underclothing?"

"No, I don't much care for wizarding knickers, no offense. I bought some Muggle ones this morning."

Smiling the shop owner whispered, "You secret's safe with me, I like Muggle undergarments also. Isn't elastic simply ingenious?"

Harry smiled as she finished up with him and he stepped off the stool and together they walked to the counter where she began to tally up the prices.

"Now I would like it very much if you shipped my school things to Hogwarts for me. Spare no expense and bill the Headmaster for everything and I'll have Eppy put my everyday things in my trunk."

"I hope you know what you're doing Mr. Potter," Madam Malkin said as he paid her.

"Yes, I do."

x-x-x-x-x

In the apothecary, Harry met the same problem he faced in the robe shop, Dumbledore's interference. However, it was much easier to convince them to bill the Headmaster and ship his new cauldron and potions ingredients and equipment to the school than it was Madam Malkin. Next Harry went in to the bookstore.

"Mr. Potter, may I help you today?" asked the same wide eyed clerk from the yesterday.

Harry smiled much warmer today than he did the day before and replied, "Yes, I understand that the Headmaster has written you with the booklist that I will need for the term?"

"Yes sir, he did," admitted the clerk.

"What classes did he sign me up for without asking my permission?"

The clerk missed the jab at Dumbledore and told him the classes he would be taking.

"That's a lot of books, why so many?"

"Apparently you are taking two years worth of classes at the same time so you can graduate when you were originally supposed to."

Harry fumed and began, "I have no intention of …" but stopped himself. "Yes, I would be happy to take all of these books." Turning to the elf, he said, "Eppy please place them in an empty compartment of my trunk."

"Yes Master Harry."

Then turning back to the clerk, "Now, since the Headmaster ordered all of these books, quills and parchment, I would like you bill them to his personal account at Gringott's Wizarding Bank."

The clerk looked nervous at the idea.

"Then I am going to be spending an obscene amount of money buying myself books of every kind I want, and since you get the commission, you are going to be a very happy young man tomorrow."

"Okay," the clerk said and after he tallied up the bill and charged the Dumbledore account, he and Harry spent the next hour or so going through the store picking up large stacks of books to buy.

After Harry was finished with the bookstore, Eppy levitated his much heavier trunk down the street to the leather goods store where Harry bought his gloves and new dragon hide boots. In fact Harry even bought a dragon hide jacket, since he was splurging today with Dumbledore's money.

"What do you think Eppy?" Harry asked as he modeled the new jacket for her inspection.

"I's is being thinking it is being prettiful Master Harry."

"Thank you. I think you look beautiful too."

The elf blushed as the clerk came back to Harry. "Will that be all for you today, sir?"

"Did you bill Dumbledore's account for the gloves and boots?" asked Harry as he looked at himself in the mirror again to admire the new purchase.

"Yes sir."

"And my account for the jacket?"

"Yes sir."

"Good, then that will be all," said Harry with a huge smile on his face. "Thank you."

"No sir, thank you!"

x-x-x-x-x

"Where is we's going to now Master Harry?" asked the happy little elf as they walked down the cobblestone street of Diagon Alley.

"A new racing broom I think and a new invisibility cloak," Harry responded as he looked in the window of Quality Quidditch Supply.

"Can you's be buying a cloak like that in here?"

"No, Eppy, but I can get the broom," Harry said as he opened the door and the two went in.

"Mr. Potter," the clerk said when he saw Harry, "I heard that you were shopping today. What can I get for you?"

"Well, I need a few things; first I need a brand new Firebolt, a new broom servicing kit and a subscription to 'Which Broomstick'. Then after that I need you to write a quote for those items, as they were destroyed by my enemies and I need an accurate account of the items for when I take legal action to reclaim my lost expense."

"Well, as you may know or perhaps not being locked up in prison for something you didn't do, the new model of the Firebolt came out last month," the clerk said excitedly.

"Really?" replied Harry with equal excitement. "I would like to see it, but I need the older model quoted for my solicitor. I had the very first model they came out with."

"The vintage Firebolt? You know they are considered a classic already don't you Mr. Potter?"

"I didn't know that, did they go up in price?"

"Tripled in value," the clerk said. "Whoever burned yours should be hexed."

"They will be," said Harry absently as he drooled over the new broom. "Now let's spend some of my money."

"Yes, sir!"

After a short demonstration and everything was tallied up, Harry paid for his new broom.

"Now I would like you to owl this quote to my solicitor, Mr. Algernon Graves, who's office is in Knockturn Alley."

"Graves? You must really be out for blood if you hired him," said the clerk. "I hear that no one dares cross him in front of the Wizangamout."

"Yes, I know," Harry replied with a feral grin. "That's how his advertisement read."

x-x-x-x-x

Another hour later, after departing the self defense store, with a brand new and very expensive invisibility cloak hidden in his trunk, Harry headed towards Weasley Wizard Wheezes. He had something to do there and he wanted to do it now, before he had to meet with Snape at six o'clock, so that no one knew he had ditched Dung. Well, at least not yet.

Harry had sent Eppy to Mr. Graves' office with the quote for the cloak and then told her to take the trunk to his room at the Leaky Cauldron and to pack his Muggle clothes in it and to take great care with the rags in the brown paper bag. They were very important to him. Once she had gone on her merry house elf way Harry knew he could be alone with the twins.

Entering the little shop, which was busy considering that school was in session; Harry browsed the items in the store looking for things to take with him back to Hogwarts.

"Harry?"

Harry turned to see one of the twins staring at him with his mouth hanging open. It wasn't really a good look for him either; a fly was already attempting to fly in.

"What are you doing here mate?"

"I'm not your mate Weasley and I've come to talk business with you and your other half."

"Okay," George said as the last customer left the shop, "I'll get Fred." However, he didn't have to as Fred had already seen Harry and come over to investigate.

"Now that I have both of your attentions," Harry said coldly, "I wanted to discuss this store of yours."

"You aren't really going to close us down now are you?" George asked nervously.

Smiling at the pair, Harry said, "No, I've changed my mind on that one. I thought about it last night and realized that if you were unemployed then that would give you far too much time on your hands to beg and grovel for my forgiveness. I don't really need the hassle of two more people doing that."

The twins looked relieved.

"However, I have instead decided that you are going to help me."

"To do what?" they asked in unison.

"Well let me tell you…" Harry said deviously and then for the next ten minutes he informed the pair of what he wanted and how they weren't going to tell anyone about it, especially their mother or the Headmaster.

The twins looked a little uncomfortable with his plans, but after thinking about it, they gave in quickly. They knew from the look on his face that if they didn't, hassle or no, Harry would put them out of business.

x-x-x-x-x

As six o'clock drew near, Harry entered the Leaky Cauldron and found Snape sitting at one of the tables waiting for him. Harry smirked slightly at the annoyed look on the potion master's face at having to baby-sit him.

"Good evening Professor Snape," Harry said with words covered in a sickly sweet way.

"Potter," Snape spat as he looked down at the young man. It was amazing that he could do that considering Snape was sitting and Harry was standing. Then again he can make his cloak billow out behind him like he was in a constant wind storm, so doing this couldn't that hard either. What a Smeg-head!

"You don't seem happy to see me. Something wrong? Tough day at the office?"

"Stop playing the fool and act your age. You know full well that I don't want to be here and that I don't want to even deal with you at all."

"I know that," Harry said with a smirk as he took a seat at the table with the greasy teacher. "So why are you here?"

"Because the _Headmaster,_" Snape said with distaste. "Seems to enjoy delegating delightfully unpleasant tasks to be performed to others in order to satisfy his warped sense of humor."

"Actually, I asked for you."

Snape arched an eyebrow as he took a drink of his firewhiskey. "You asked for me?"

"Yes, I did."

"Why, may I ask, did you do that?"

"Because you're the only teacher who I trust right now. You hated me before and you still hate me now. You are frank and honest about it and I always know where I stand with you. Therefore I can trust you to be a greasy git all day and all night long."

"Indeed."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

Rosswrock wrote a story called Harry Potter and the Power of Time, which is located at f f dot com, which is where this story is located. In his story, he wrote about Harry buying a truck with multiple compartments, some of which were a small flat for him to live in.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

Monday morning, Harry sighed as he walked up the pathway to the school. He really did not want to be here, but Mr. Graves had failed to get that law repealed. Then again he only had two days and one of them was a Sunday after all. Even Harry didn't expect a miracle.

However, the high point of his morning was when he had forced Snape to take the floo network from the Leaky Cauldron to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade instead of directly to the castle. He wanted to miss the gathering of students for breakfast. Harry didn't trust that barmy old codger of making some grand announcement in front of everyone and expecting Harry to play nice about it. Like that was ever going to happen.

"Potter, can you explain to me again how it is that you managed to talk me into flooing here instead of apparating to the gates," snarled Snape.

Harry sighed and explained once again, "One, I do not have an apparition license nor do I know how to. If you'll remember I've been in a tiny dirty little cell in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. Two, it's a lovely brisk morning and I thought it would be nice to take the scenic route to school and three, it annoys the hell out of you."

"Brisk? It is winter Potter, not the middle of summer. This is hardly brisk," grumbled Snape while a white cloud of exhalation came out of his mouth.

Harry smirked from behind the hood of his new heavy winter cloak as they entered the main door of the castle where Professor McGonagall was waiting for him.

"Harry Potter," McGonagall said, "We were expecting you much earlier than this. We were beginning to wonder if you had decided to run away."

Annoyance filled him. "Professor," Harry replied curtly and coldly. "I can't imagine why you would have thought that, I do have a personal jailer following me at all times. Surely if I had done that Dumbledore would have called the entire Order out to hunt me down like some criminal."

McGonagall frowned at the boy's coldness but said nothing about it. "Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office."

Harry nodded, fully expecting and secretly desiring to meet with the Headmaster this morning. "I assume that I will be forced to endure the placement back in Gryffindor Tower?"

"You need not make it sound like you are being condemned young man," the transfiguration teacher said sternly. "We are only trying to help you to readjust to your old life."

Harry had gotten to her but he hid the look of glee that was blossoming in his chest. "Eppy, are you here?"

"Yes, Master Harry, Eppy is being here," squeaked the young elf as she popped into the entrance hall.

"Would you please be so kind as to take my trunk up to Gryffindor Tower?"

Eppy giggled at her master, she did like him as she had hoped and said, "Yes Master Harry, where is it being?"

"Mr. Potter, students are not allowed personal house elves. You should know that by now," McGonagall said as she watched the two talking.

"You're right professor; it is against the school rules. I think as punishment you should expel me immediately."

"Don't be ridiculous Mr. Potter," snapped McGonagall. Then turning to the elf she said, "If you wait here, another house elf will come to collect Potter's possessions. They can show you around the castle and where Gryffindor Tower is."

Smirking Snape said, "Nice try, brat."

"Shut up you greasy git," whispered Harry as he followed his head of house up the marble stairs towards the Headmaster's office.

x-x-x-x-x

"Ah Harry," beamed the Headmaster, "I see that you've finally arrived."

"Unfortunately."

Dumbledore ignored the statement. "Why don't' you have a seat. Lemon drop?"

"No thank you, I don't think my stomach could handle the sweets after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of living on nothing but cold gruel and dirty water," replied Harry as he began to see just how far he could push the Headmaster.

"Yes, I understand. Now, as it happens you are in luck, I had cancelled the morning classes in order for you to become reacquainted with your housemates again."

"That won't be necessary."

"Harry," the Headmaster sighed, "You need to get in touch with your feeling towards your friends again, so you can forgive them and get on with your life."

"You mean so that they won't feel guilty for the betrayals they cast on me?"

"Yes, Harry, that's it exactly."

"Fuck them! Fuck their feelings! And fuck you for forcing this on me."

"Harry, language like that will not be tolerated in this school."

"Of course, you're right, I should be punished. Expel me! That'll teach me a lesson."

"Nice try," chuckled the Headmaster. "Now I have prepared your class schedule for you and I have instructed all of your instructors to help you along to catch up on the year and half of school work you missed out on."

"No."

"No? What do you mean Harry?"

"I mean that I will not do one moment of seventh year work or classes. I missed out on too much and refuse to allow you to force me to kill myself on triple the work when it's not necessary. I will simply have to enter into the classes with the other sixth years and make up only the fall term's work."

"Harry, wouldn't you feel more comfortable being in classes with people you know?"

"I know the sixth years, I don't like any of them, but I know them. In fact I trained them when they were fourth years in Defense Against the Dark Arts. You remember that year? When I was forced to endure a year long fight with a woman who carved word in my flesh and generally made my life a living hell. Does this ring any bells?"

Dumbledore sighed and ignored the boy as he continued, "Here is your schedule Harry."

Looking it over, Harry said, "No, I don't think so. I don't want to take these classes. My solicitor, Mr. Algernon Graves, looked into detail in the little faux law of yours and saw several gaping holes in it, which I am now going to taking advantage of."

"Holes?" chuckled Dumbledore confident in his manipulations. "What holes would those be?"

"Your law only says I have to be in the castle and get an education, it never said which classes I had to take."

"But in order for you to become an Auror, you will need these classes, Harry. I'm sure that once you've thought about it, you'll understand."

"I don't want to be an Auror anymore," Harry stated simply. "The classes I want to take are History of Magic, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies and Divination."

"But, Harry, you've never even had three of those classes before. How do you expect to learn over three years of previous work when you're unwilling to do a single one in your other classes?"

Smiling for the first time since arriving in the castle, Harry said with great delight, "That's simple; I plan to flunk out of school."

Dumbledore looked shocked by this but recovered quickly.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to do that," Professor Dumbledore said with conviction. "You will need this education in order to survive in the world."

"How are you going to force me to study or do any magic at all for that matter?"

"Very well then Harry, could you explain to me how you plan on living without these skills?

"Again, that's simple," Harry explained, "I plan on living as a Muggle for the remainder of my life."

"Living as a Muggle? You can't be serious Harry; you would miss being a wizard far too much for that."

Harry just stared at the old man and said, "Why would I want to live in a society that would put a sixteen year old boy through what I've been put through. Where is the justice in that?"

Suddenly the Headmaster was looking very weary and Harry knew he was finally beginning to win this one, so he decided to make a concession. Harry had figured he'd loose this particular battle anyway, so conceding wouldn't hurt his overall plan. In fact it would strengthen it slightly, oh how Harry loved his inner Slytherin some days. However, before he could say anything the Headmaster spoke first.

"Alright Harry, I'll let you alter your schedule, but I cannot in good conscious allow you to attend classes you've never been in before. So I'm afraid that I cannot allow you to take Arithmancy or Ancient Runes classes. I must also insist that you take Charms, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. You can pick the remainder of the classes yourself."

"What not forcing me into Potions?" asked Harry a little on the skeptical side.

"Considering your past history with Professor Snape, I would have thought you would be pleased."

"Oh, I am, I was just wondering why you weren't trying to force Snape and me together so I could forgive him also. That does seem to be a theme with you," Harry explained.

"Professor Snape," Dumbledore corrected.

"Don't ever correct me again," Harry said darkly. "I will refer to that greasy git whatever I damn well please and you will live with it."

Once again the Headmaster ignored a comment made by Harry, thinking that it was his pain and anger talking and never once considering the fact that Harry might actually hate them. Heaven forbid that happen.

"Will this be all or did you have something else you wanted to talk about?"

"Actually, yes there is Harry. Why did you have all of your school supplies shipped to the castle? I took the liberty of placing them in your dormitory room already, of course."

"Well, since you ordered them, I had them shipped to you. It seemed only fair."

"Fair? How is that fair Harry? I'm afraid I don't quite follow you."

Smiling broadly for the second time since returning to Hogwarts, Harry said, "Because I charged those things to your personal Gringott's account since you ordered them."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later Harry was walking through the hallways heading back to Gryffindor Tower. He was rather happy remembering the look on the Headmaster's face when he found out about the payment of his school supplies. Oh how he wished he owned a camera right at that moment.

Pausing briefly at the portrait of the Fat Lady, Harry gave the password and entered into the Lion's den. Or maybe it was a graveyard as the entire house fell silent as he entered the room. Harry scanned the room and saw many faces that he knew and a few younger ones that he did not.

'Oh this is going to be interesting,' Harry thought as he started to cross the room towards the stairs leading up to the seventh year's dormitory.

"Harry?"

Harry stopped and muttered, "Shit. I knew it was too good to last." Turning he looked into the face of the one person who worshipped him more than any other. "Yes, Creevey, what do you want?"

"I just wanted to say welcome back."

Harry looked the boy up and down and then curtly said, "Yeah, thanks." Then he turned to resume his trek up the stairs. That was the plan anyway.

"Harry?"

Stopping again without turning he replied, "Yeah, what now?"

Colin answered, "I was wondering if we could all just forget that Azkaban business and continue on like we did before."

Of all the things in the world for anyone to say right then and there, at that moment in time, this was probably **THE** worst possible thing. I mean really reread this story from the beginning if you have to. Turning slowly to face the blonde haired sixth year boy who had practically drooled over him since the day they met, Harry's face was mass of fury and hatred. Everyone else in the common room gasped and stepped back. Everyone but Colin that is, as he wasn't the sharpest tack in the box.

"Forget about that Azkaban business?" hissed Harry menacingly. "Just how do I do **that** Creevey? How does someone who spent one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in a tiny little dirty cell that was patrolled by Dementors twenty four hours a day, every single day of my time there for a crime that any fool with half a brain should have known I did **NOT **commit? How does someone go and forget about being accused of murdering Hagrid, Professor Trelawney, Percy Weasley, several house elves and that large three headed dog named Fluffy? **How do I do that Creevey? HOW!**"

Colin didn't have an answer for Harry. In fact all he did do was stand there with his lower lip quivering. Finally he bolted from the common room, past Harry and up the stairs to the sixth year dormitory to cry his little heart out. In case no one realized it, but Colin Creevey is a big old poofy gay boy.

Part of Harry felt bad for doing it, but it needed to be done and once again he started up the stairs.

"Was that necessary Harry?"

"Damn it! I just want to go up and change my clothes before lunch," Harry said under his breath. Turning once again, making Harry feel like a rotisserie, he found himself facing Hermione Granger, Head Girl. "Yes it was, Granger."

"The Harry Potter I knew would never do that in a hundred years."

"The Harry Potter you knew is dead. He rotted away in prison, where his friends sent him."

Hermione flinched back as if being slapped in the face, hard. "No, he isn't dead. He's just hurt," she whispered.

"Whatever," Harry replied coldly. Then to the common room he announced, "I'm going to take a shower and change before going to lunch. Anyone who wishes to bother me during this process," Harry paused for effect, "Be very, very afraid!"

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, as everyone in the school was in the Great Hall for lunch, the Headmaster was watching the double doors waiting for Harry to arrive. He was planning on making an announcement about Harry's return, which he had planned on making that morning, but Harry wasn't there.

Just then the doors opened and everyone in the hall turned to see Harry's return to the school. Many of the Slytherins, led my Draco Malfoy were waiting to throw insults at him. After all, his father had been sent to Azkaban because of Harry.

However, what everyone saw silenced the whole room. They had expected to see Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Boy-Who-Triumphed, the golden boy of Gryffindor House, the savior of the wizarding world. However, that was not what they saw.

Standing in the doorway was indeed Harry Potter, wearing his most prized possession in the world, the smelly, dirty rags he wore when he was in Azkaban. Everyone in the hall was stunned into absolute silence. Even Draco Malfoy didn't know what to say. What could you say to that after all?

"Oh, I'm sorry," Harry said politely. "Where you all waiting for me to eat?"

No one responded to his question.

Harry continued pleasantly, "Don't stand on ceremony for me; I've just come to have my regular, once a day meal of cold gruel and a bowl of dirty water. I'm not sure my stomach could handle anything else after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of living on that everyday, if they remembered to feed me at all that is. I'll just sit here in the dirt and eat what little I am given, pay me no mind."

Walking over in a pitiful manner to the Gryffindor table, Harry noticed the table was filled with chicken and ham and beef and assorted vegetables and gave out a heavy sigh. "I guess that means that there wasn't any cold gruel or dirty water for me today. Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll be get to eat." Then turning, Harry walked out of the hall.

x-x-x-x-x

Once out of the Great Hall, Harry made his way down the stairs towards the painting of the fruit bowl. He could hear people talking back in the Great Hall about his performance. He wondered if they thought him insane or saw through his performance for what it was.

Before Harry had come down from Gryffindor Tower, he had sent Eppy down to enlist Dobby's help and prepare him a veritable banquet of food for his lunch. He had no intention of actually going hungry, but the idea of making all of those betraying idiots think so was a different thing all together. When Harry stepped into the kitchens he immediately collided with a small object running at him.

"Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Dobby is knowing you is coming back to us."

Smiling at the house elf, Harry said, "Hello Dobby, it's good to see you too. I've missed you."

Dobby's lip trembled and he cried out, "Harry Potter is so noble and gracious to say he is missing Dobby."

"You is stopping that now," Eppy yelled and he yanked Dobby away from Harry. "You is crying on Master Harry and getting his robes all clean. He isn't wanting that. Master Harry is wanting to shame his betrayers."

"Dobby is being sorry Harry Potter."

"It's alright Dobby," Harry said sincerely. "A few drops of water couldn't get these rags clean."

"Is you wanting your food now, Master Harry?" Eppy asked.

"Yes, please."

x-x-x-x-x

After finishing his lunch, Harry headed up to his Transfiguration class. He was going to have all kinds of fun in there today.

When he arrived in the class, he noticed that it was almost full. He spied Ron and Hermione near the font and they both beckoned him to come and sit with them. Instead he ignored them and began to head to the very back of the classroom where there were almost always empty seats and he could be alone.

Then Harry realized something and he stopped in mid stride. 'These are seventh year students; I was supposed to be with the sixth years. Son-of-a-bi…' Harry thought as he turned and started to leave the classroom. However, Professor McGonagall cut him off.

"Where do you think you are going Potter?"

"I think I'm in the wrong class professor. I was supposed to be placed with the sixth years, as I am now a sixth year student."

"No, you are in the correct class. I am going to be teaching you sixth year work while you take class with your friends," McGonagall said in a pleasant manner. "However, you will be wearing your uniform in future. So I want you to get rid of those rags and dress properly." Then the teacher turned and headed towards her desk for the beginning of class.

Harry smirked at her and said plainly, "As you wish."

Then he began to peal off his prison robes, revealing that he was wearing nothing underneath. He wasn't stupid; he knew someone would order him to take those rags off eventually and what better way to embarrass them further and being naked underneath. Before he was sent to Azkaban, Harry had rarely allowed his dorm mates to see him undressed, BUT after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of walking every street in hell, you kind of loose that "Don't look at my pee-pee" shyness.

Several students began to whistle at Harry as he pulled his dirty rags off. Hermione actually hid her eyes behind her hands, but secretly peaked anyway as she saw that Harry was so skinny and underfed that his ribs could actually be seen through his skin.

Professor McGonagall wondered what had caused the commotion and turned and saw an almost naked Harry standing in her classroom.

"POTTER! What are you doing?"

"Taking off my rags like you just said to, professor," Harry said innocently.

"I didn't mean for you to do it in front of the entire school," she scolded. "Put those… _things,_" she said distastefully, "back on this instant."

"As you wish," Harry replied as he pulled his robes back on. "Of course you know public nudity is a serious offense of the school rules. Don't you think I should be expelled for that?"

"Take your seat Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall said wearily.

"But professor …" Harry whined.

"Potter! Seat! Now!" McGonagall barked and Harry made his way to the back of the classroom.

Harry hung his head for effect and muttered loudly, "Some way to get me to forgive you, yelling at me in front of everyone for asking a simple question."

The Transfiguration teacher closed her eyes and ignored the comment.

About a half an hour later in the class period, McGonagall had set the seventh years onto their work while she went to the back to privately instruct Harry in his sixth year lessons.

"Now, Potter, I would like to review what you remember from fifth year. Please transfigure that mouse into a cockatoo."

"I can't," replied Harry.

"How do you know unless you try," she snapped impatiently. "At least attempt it."

"I can't attempt it, Professor McGonagall," he replied again.

Sighing, she asks, "Why can't you Harry?"

"Because, I don't have a wand anymore," Harry stated plainly so that everyone in the classroom could hear him clearly.

It had the desired effect as every head in the classroom turned to look at him. Ron and Hermione looked horrified and worried while Draco Malfoy looked like Christmas had come a few weeks early for him.

"Why don't you have one?" the teacher asked.

"Well, I assumed that Professor Dumbledore kept my old one and so I didn't buy a new one. When he didn't hand on back to me when I came back to school that left me with none to use. So I have no wand."

"I need to have a long talk with Albus," she muttered as she held her head in her hands.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

That night, after classes and dinner was over and Harry was pointedly not doing any of his homework, after all how was he going to flunk out of school if he did his homework, he decided it was time to activate part two of his master plan. So Harry, who had taken a shower and changed back into his everyday robes, was now walking up to the owlrey to send off some letters he had. He smiled devilishly as he knew his latest plot would be very enjoyable when the deliveries were made.

After the five owls were given their burdens and sailed off into the night sky, Harry couldn't help but think about Hedwig. He missed her very much and wished she were still alive and that she would be if it weren't for Ron wringing her neck.

Scowling at the memory, Harry left the owlrey and head back towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Potty off by himself and totally defenseless?"

Turning Harry saw, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle standing in the hallway. Malfoy had his wand drawn and the other two goons were flexing themselves menacingly.

Smirking, Harry said, "Well, if it isn't the ferret and his two man bitches."

Malfoy scowled at the inference and the other two looked dumbfounded. Harry doubted they knew what a man bitch was. However, Malfoy lifted his wand up and pointed it at Harry.

"You talk big for someone who can't defend himself."

Calmly Harry unbuttoned his shirt and walked up to Malfoy so that the wand was touching his skinny and pale bare chest. Harry had gotten to malnourished in Azkaban that his ribs were clearly seen through his skin.

"Go ahead Malfoy," spat Harry. "DO IT! **KILL ME**!"

Malfoy frowned and pulled back his wand, but Harry grabbed and it and pulled it back to his chest.

"COME ON MALFOY," Harry yelled. "YOU'VE WANTED TO KILL ME FOR YEARS! DO IT!"

Dropping his wand, Malfoy just stares at Harry and says, "You're crazy Potter. Azkaban has driven you mad." Then he picks his wand back up and says, "Come on," to his two goons and stalks away.

"**COWARD!**" screams Harry as he buttons his shirt back up.

Once the three Slytherins were gone Harry turns and says to himself with a grin, "Well, that was fun."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later, climbing back into the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room, Harry notices that once again the room has fallen silent with his arrival. Looking around, he smirks and goes up the boy's dormitory stairwell. Climbing the stairs all the way to the top of the tower to the seventh years boy's dormitory, Harry opens the door to find Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ron waiting for him.

"Harry, we need to talk."

"Only my friends are allowed to call me by my Christian name and since I have no friends, that wouldn't include you, Weasley!" Harry said in a monotone.

All four looked sheepish, but held firm. Dean spoke first, "Har … mate … We wanted to talk to you, because we are concerned for you."

Seamus continued. "That stunt you pulled in transfiguration was uncalled for."

"What I do to annoy the teachers is my own concern and not yours," snarled Harry. Then he pushed past them towards his own bed and hopefully a little peace. But really he knew that wasn't going to happen, but he did it anyway.

"Harry, please," begged Neville, "Please stop this. If you want to hate us then that's fine, but what you're doing is hurting you."

"Did Granger write this out for you to say? This sounds like something she would do," Harry said off handed. "I mean who else would have the crust to try and tell me how to live my life?"

Standing, Ron looked Harry in the eye and said, "Listen mate, I know you're angry at us, me in particular, but you've got to get over this. You're just hurting yourself with this."

"Hedwig."

Ron flinched. He had been so angry at Harry for killing Hagrid, even more than the murder of his brother Percy. He wanted Harry to suffer so badly for that, the only thing he could think off was to kill something he loved.

"I'm sorry about that Harry," Ron said. "If I could make it up to you I would."

"My firebolt, my dad's cloak, my parent's photo album, my dad's map, my trust, my love, my brotherhood, my heart, my hope, my life," Harry said coldly at them, but mostly to Ron. "How do I get those things back? How do I pick apart the ashes and put them back together again?" Looking at all of them he continued, "Am I part of any of your lives? No, I'm just the guy who has to do the dirty work that no one else will. I'm the one who suffers so that you can have happy fulfilled lives. So as I see it you have nothing to say about anything I do."

All four looked horrified, they were loosing Harry and they knew it.

"As for you Weasley," Harry snarled at his former best friend. "You and that damned fool of a bushy-headed girlfriend of yours have been served your legal parchments and you both owe me a considerable amount of gold. When can I expect that?"

Ron started to say something, but Harry cut him off.

"When I'm thirty? Forty? Fifty? When?"

Looking down and highly embarrassed Ron said, "I don't have any gold to give you."

"I know. That's why I asked for the stretch in Azkaban as punishment. That way you can finally fulfill that deluded fantasy you have of having everything I ever did," Harry spat coldly. The other four boys were shocked to their cores.

x-x-x-x-x

The next morning, the other four boys had gotten up, dressed and had thankfully hauled their betraying arses out of the dormitory room before Harry had. Harry smiled to himself as he dressed in his everyday robes; he was still refusing to wear the school uniform, because it was against the school code to not wear it. He had successfully messed with the minds of the male seventh years, now on to the females.

As he descended down the spiral stairs of the boy's dormitory, Harry thought to himself, 'Wonder just how far I can push Granger today to make her cry?' When Harry came down to the common room, it was mostly deserted. 'Everyone must be down to breakfast already.'

Leaving the common room and making his way down to the Great Hall, Harry suspiciously encountered no one in the hallways. Usually a stray student here and there would always be around, not to mention a ghost or someone's pet kneazle (a magical cat).

Stopping at the door to the Great Hall, Harry paused and listened at the door. He heard the Headmaster speaking to the school.

"Now I want everyone to be on your best behavior," Professor Dumbledore said. "Harry has been through a terrible ordeal and is less than friendly towards anyone at the moment. So please be patient with him, Azkaban can have a terrible effect on fragile people."

"Fragile?" Harry hissed. "I am not fucking fragile!" However, he continued to listen at the door.

"I know it will be trying in the beginning until he adjusts to life back here at the school, but I am confident that we can force him into a calmer state of mind and eventually force him to forgive us for our betrayals," the Headmaster's voice rang out, confident that Harry wasn't around to hear him.

"Controlling old bastard," snarled Harry. "Did it ever occur to you to ask for my forgiveness instead of demanding it like a five year old child?"

If anyone in the school had actually heard him say that, it would have been a big help to them in gaining the forgiveness they craved, but alas, Harry was alone and those words went unheard.

Harry continued to listen and realized that the Headmaster's speach was over as the students had begun to freely talk amongst themselves now. Deciding this would be the perfect time to make his morning appearance, Harry entered the Great Hall.

"Good morning everyone," Harry said in mock imitation of Gilderoy Lockhart, his smile beaming from ear to ear. Harry went on from there, turning to each table in turn, "Good morning Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins. Good morning Gryffindors, my favorite house at school." Then looking to the front table, Harry went on, "Good morning esteemed teachers and of course, our beloved Headmaster, whom I will always lovingly refer to as Uncle Fucker."

The students, even the Slytherins, were all shocked once again by Harry's antics. No one had insulted the Headmaster like that before. It was disrespectful to insult the leader of the school like Harry had just done. What was going to happen?

Harry ignored the students as his eyes swept the front table for reactions to his insult. He expected McGonagall to begin yelling at him, but she didn't. He expected Snape to begin berating him, but he was actually enjoying the show and leaving Harry alone for once.

"Greasy git," Harry muttered. "The one time I wanted him to be an arsehole, he would find the humor in it."

Then Harry's eyes fell on the one person, he hadn't expected to find at the teacher's table that morning. The one person, he thought had the common sense to stay well clear of him. Harry hated it when he was wrong, but it didn't change any of his plans in the slightest. There sitting at the teacher's table was Professor Remus J. Lupin.

"Harry," Professor Lupin said as he stood from the table. "It's good to see you again."

Harry's eyes narrowed, "Did you not get my message?"

"Message?" the werewolf asked, "What message?"

"For you to stay well clear of me again as long as you lived," replied Harry hatefully.

"I didn't think you meant that."

"Oh, I meant it very well," Harry spat in front of the entire school. "As I remember the last time I saw you, you told me that I was the biggest disappointment you had ever laid eyes on. Which is a lot having the mass murderer, Sirius Black and the Death Eater, Peter Pettigrew as your best mates in school."

"Harry…"

"Actually, that was a lie, the last thing you told me was that the night my parents were making the love that made me, you said you had wished my dad had pulled out to save the world from the abomination that he fathered that night," Harry yelled and inadvertently causing one of the wall sconces holding a flaming torch to explode, showering the room with sparks.

"Well, Remus," the Headmaster chuckled, "you've certainly gotten him riled up this morning."

"I sat in that dark cold cell for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds surrounded by Dementors and constantly being forced to remember those words for the entire time I was there."

"I'm sorry Harry," Remus Lupin said lamely as he stood from the table and went around it to be nearer to Harry.

"I suffered and you're sorry?" asked Harry. "Big deal, I don't care about how sorry you are."

"Harry," Remus pleaded as he took hold of the boy's arm, "You've got to let go of this heartbreak and anger, it's the only way to move on with your life."

"Just how do I do that?" Harry asked as he reached over and grabbed for something on the nearby table.

"You've got to forgive us," Remus pleaded again with both of Harry's shoulders now firmly in his grasp.

"Let go of me," snarled Harry.

"No, Harry, I won't until you open your heart back up again and forgive us," Remus said forcefully. Now anyone who has read this story so far knows by now that this is not going to work.

Harry, however, was not in the mood to be pushed around by this pathetic man any longer. He wrenched one of his hands free and struck the teacher's hand with the object that he grabbed from the table. This, of course, being breakfast, was a sterling silver spoon which caused the werewolf to howl in pain.

"Don't you ever dare touch me again Lupin," Harry said as the werewolf dropped to the floor cradling his now injured hand to his chest.

"Harry," the Headmaster said sternly, "I think we should continue this in my office."

"What if I say 'no'? What are you going to do stun a defenseless student and drag him up there against my will?" asked Harry scornfully.

Sighing, the Headmaster said, "If I need to."

"How very Quillian of you."

Professor Dumbledore looked confused by the reference but Harry spoke again first.

"I don't think there is a need for that. I think you can simply expel me right now."

"No Harry, I don't think expulsion is what you need. However, I would like to continue this in my office."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later up in Professor Dumbledore's office, the Headmaster was seated behind his desk, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape were hovering nearby and Harry Potter was standing in front of the desk looking defiant. Remus Lupin had been taken to the hospital wing by Madam Pomfrey to have his hand looked at.

"Harry, I you must realize that you cannot continue acting this way."

"Why?"

"Because it is unacceptable for students to behave in this manner," the Headmaster replied evenly, trying to make the boy in front of him see reason. Now a quick poll of our readers, do you really think that's going to happen? If you answered 'yes' I have to ask, did you read the first five chapters carefully?

Smiling Harry said, "I think you're right Uncle Fucker, you should expel me."

"Harry I have already told you I am not going to expel, no matter what you do, you are remaining a student here until the time expires. I'm afraid there is nothing you can do to get out of it."

"No matter what I do?" asked Harry with great delight. "I need to sit down; my head is spinning from all the possibilities."

"Good thinking, Albus," Snape said silkily, "you've just given the brat the biggest cookie jar in the world to play in."

Both Dumbledore and McGonagall frowned, in that was now the case and knowing Harry he would put that limit to the test as soon as he was able to do so.

"You know Sevie," Harry said airily, "I've been meaning to ask you something for some time now. How is it that you are the acclaimed to be the foremost potion's master in the known world and yet you cannot understand the basic principles of shampoo? I mean even I can brew a batch of it for goodness sake, why can't you?"

Snape gave Harry a piercing glare as Harry smiled in return. "Brat."

"Git."

"Gentlemen this is getting us nowhere," the Headmaster stated plainly. "Whether you like it or not, Harry, you are going to have to obey the rules of the school and study hard and become a fully trained wizard."

"Albus, I have a question about that," McGonagall said. "How is Potter supposed to do magic without a wand?"

Dumbledore's eyes grew wide, "You don't have a wand Harry?"

"It wasn't on the list," Harry replied, "So I thought you still had my original one. When I came in for our meeting yesterday, you didn't give it to me, so I had nothing to use in classes. Also since you have banned me from leaving the castle, thanks to that stupid faux law of yours, I can't go back to Diagon Alley and buy another."

"Do you have his original one Albus?" asked McGonagall.

"Yes, I do, I thought it might come in handy when Harry would have to fight Voldemort."

"Before you sent me back to Azkaban, you mean, for a crime you knew I was innocent of," Harry commented snidely.

The Headmaster remained silent as he dug out the box with Harry's wand in it. However, he was the only one who was being silent.

"Yes, Potter, once again you have summed up the situation perfectly," Snape said snarkily.

"So why wasn't I returned after the battle that day?" asked Harry. He was curious now.

"Too many witnesses."

Harry stared at the Potions Master not quite believing what he just said. However, he was soon brought back to reality when Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat and handed Harry back his wand. At first Harry didn't want to take it. Taking it back meant he was accepting his magic back again and that would mean he would be a citizen of the wizarding world. But then again, he wanted it back. He loved that wand; it was like a part of his soul in a strange kind of way.

"Now Harry, about Professor Lupin …"

"You have no legal grounds to say anything about him," replied Harry as he stroked his wand.

"… he has sustained a serious injury because of your actions this morning."

"So I spooned him, big deal."

"I beg to differ," replied the Headmaster.

"I'm sure you do, however, when I was in Diagon Alley, I bought a large library of wizarding law books and did some light reading on Sunday night. Did you know that werewolves have almost no rights at all in the wizarding world? Though I doubt I could get him sent to Azkaban for it, but I probably could get him sacked just for touching me like he did. With a room full of witnesses to boot."

"It would be nice if you forgave him, Harry."

"Not gonna happen."

"He has great affection for you," the Headmaster continued.

"Like most people, it's only when it suits him to do so."

"He needs you to forgive him."

"I need him to stay away from me, is that going to happen?" asked Harry pointedly.

"He is going to be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Harry snorted, "I'll take that as a 'no' then. So I guess no one is getting what they want today." However, Harry paused and turned to the Potions Master and asked, "How about you Sevie? Are you getting what you want?"

"You're still here, Lupin is still here and mostly like you're going to rein terror on anyone who crosses your path," Snape summed up the situation brilliantly. "I've had worse moments. Stop calling me Sevie."

"Yes, Sevie-Pooh."

x-x-x-x-x

After the meeting was over, McGonagall had instructed Harry to go directly to her office, even if it meant being late to his morning class.

"Now Potter," she said delicately, "I understand that you have purchased a new broom."

"How would you know that? Have you been going through my possessions? Spying on me are you?" accused Harry suspiciously.

"One of the younger members of Gryffindor House has an uncle who works at Quality Quidditch Supply and told me yesterday that you had bought a new Firebolt," she replied with sound of being offended.

"As it turns out, yes, I do have a broom, but I've not even been on it yet."

Professor McGonagall was thankful that no more snide remarks were coming. "Well, get it out and start practicing. I am putting you back on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. We've not had a decent seeker since you left us."

"No."

"I beg pardon."

"I do not want to be on the Quidditch team again," Harry stated plainly.

"Potter, be reasonable," she started.

"No. I do not want to be on the team and if you try and force me on it, I will loose on purpose," Harry stated plainly and turned on his heels and stalked out of her office.

Minerva McGonagall gasped as she watched him walk away. She never thought she'd ever hear those words come out of his mouth.

x-x-x-x-x

As it turned out being late for Charms wasn't that bad as Harry realized that Flitwick was under the same instructions as McGonagall. Give Harry private lessons while he sat with the seventh year students. However, after the morning escapades in the Great Hall, everyone gave Harry a wide berth, including Ron and Hermione, though she looked like she wanted to say something to him.

After Charms was over Harry had elected to take N.E.W.T. level Muggle Studies. Since he was going to be living as a Muggle when he finally got out of Hogwarts, he might as well learn something about it.

As Harry entered the room for the class, it was empty. 'Must be early,' he thought and found a seat near the back of the room.

However as the bell rang to signal the beginning of class, he was still the only one in the classroom.

"Must be in the wrong room," he said as he gathered his things and started to get up.

"No, Mr. Potter, you are in the correct room."

Harry looked up and saw a young woman walk into the room and sat back down.

"Why don't you move up to the front, it's only going to be you and me in this class."

Getting up and moving towards this strange woman, Harry asks, "Why?"

"Because I hate yelling to just one person," she responded.

Smiling in spite of himself, Harry said, "No, I meant why is it just the two of us. I thought there would be more in the class."

"Hardly anyone takes this course past O.W.L. In fact you've managed to ruin my day off from teaching because you took it."

Harry felt guilty, after all, this woman had never done a thing to him and he hadn't even met her before now. "I'm sorry about that."

Smiling warmly, she said, "Don't worry about it. I was just yanking your chain."

"Yanking my what?" asked Harry as he covered his groin with one of his books.

"It's an American expression. That's where I'm from, the United States. I'm Professor Langtree."

"Pleased to me you."

Laughing, she said, "Thank goodness, after seeing what you can do to someone at breakfast, I was a little frightened of what you'd do to me."

Smiling, Harry said, "After one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of existing in a tiny dirty little cell in the bowels of Azkaban, I know exactly you does and you does not deserve anything I do to the people on my list. Since I've never met you before, you can assume to not be on that list."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Quillian is an author who formerly had several stories here on F F dot Net. The one I was referring to is Harry Potter, Prisoner of Hogwarts. I didn't ask Quillian, but since I've been talking to him, I wanted it to be a surprise._


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The next morning Harry awoke earlier than his dorm mates. Well what did he expect really? When you aren't talking to anyone in the castle and refusing to do homework, there isn't a whole lot to occupy your mind with and he fell asleep earlier than he normally did. Plus the fact that when you send one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in a dark, tiny and dirty cell, you have a tendency to loose track of time.

So getting out of bed and pulling off his sleep clothes, he had felt he was too old for pajamas and had started sleeping in a t-shirt and lounge pants, Harry made his way to the shower room to clean up for the day.

Standing under the hot water as it poured down on his head Harry began to think to himself, 'Maybe I should be nicer to Neville, Dean and Seamus. After all they really didn't do anything bad to me.' Turning in the shower, to let the hot water beat down on the tension in his back; he continued to think it over. 'It was mostly Ron and Hermione and the adults who royally screwed me over. Maybe I should go and talk to Luna, she wasn't even a Gryffindor and her father did print a story about my innocence before I was sent away.'

"Harry?"

Looking up, Harry saw Seamus standing naked in the shower room shivering.

"Yeah?"

"Will you please try and find in your heart to forgive me? I know I should have believed in you last year, but I wasn't there to witness what happened and then everyone was saying you murdered Hagrid and the others. I just didn't know what to believe."

Feeling a little relieved, Harry pulled Seamus into the shower with him. Seamus looked a little surprised. Harry explained, "There's no need to catch your death when you could be warm. I know it's kind of Myr of me to do this, but I'm not gay or anything. I'm not hitting on you."

"I am," Seamus said through a cloud of steam that filled the room.

Confused Harry asked, "You are what?"

"I am gay," Seamus said with his Irish accent. He went on, "You remember in fifth year when we weren't talking and I let you believe it was because of what me mum said about you?"

Harry nodded.

"It was more because I had feelings for you and I didn't know what to do about it," Seamus admitted. "Then last year when you were taken away, I wouldn't let them take your bed out of the room, even when Ron pitched his little tantrum about it being removed. I sometimes slept in it so I could feel closer to you. I caught hell from Ron for it too, but it didn't stop me."

Harry simply did not know what to say right then. All he could even think was, "I'm not gay."

"I know." Then looking devilish, Seamus said, "You know you could close your eyes and think of someone else and I could show you just how much I do care about you."

Harry's eyes bulged out of his head and he jumped out of the water and into the cold room. Not really the best idea after all. It's in the middle of winter in a drafty old castle and he was soaking wet and naked.

"That is so Darkmoore of you, you know that?"

"Who?"

"Never mind," Harry muttered. "I can't let you do that Seamus. Believe it or not, I don't think it would be fair to you."

Cocking his head to one side, Seamus clarified, "I thought you hated us."

"Well, not really so much you and Neville and Dean. Mostly just Weasley and Granger, but I didn't want to ask anyone to take sides, so I…" However, Harry didn't get to finish as he was pulled back into the hot water.

"So you decided to be an equal opportunity arsehole?"

Harry smiled boyishly and said, "Yeah, something like that."

"Does that mean I'm forgiven? I don't mind getting down on my knees. And since I'm down there anyway…" Seamus said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yes, you're forgiven. No, you don't need to get down on your knees and I like girls."

Then both of them laughed. It felt nice to laugh with someone again. After one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds without it, Harry had almost forgotten what it felt like.

x-x-x-x-x

A few minutes later, Harry left the shower to get dressed and head down to the common room to do a little reading before classes began that morning and too let Seamus take care of a 'little' problem he had popped up while they were in the shower.

With one of his new law books in hand, he took a seat in his favorite chair by the fire. As he opened the book, he noticed that he wasn't alone. Sitting across from him was, Hermione Granger, Head Girl.

"Good morning, Harry," she said pleasantly.

Harry stared at her for a moment and simply said, "Granger."

"You look chipper this morning, but don't you think you should wear the school robes before you get into trouble?"

"Well," Harry said curtly, "I had a nice hot shower this morning and no, I didn't buy any school robes. Even if I walked into the Great Hall naked with word, 'Bitch' written across my malnourished chest, Uncle Fucker wouldn't say a word about it."

"You don't know that for sure Harry," she relied bossily.

Harry shrugged and said, "Okay." He wasn't going to argue with her. He didn't even want to talk to her.

Hermione sat there and looked victorious, as if she had won a great battle. Completely unaware that Harry was smirking at her from behind his book on wizarding law. However, he had a little trick waiting for her.

"Eppy?" Harry called.

The little elf popped in wearing her beloved pink dress with the little yellow flowers on the hem. "Yes, Master Harry?"

"May I please have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate? I would like something to warm me up on the inside."

"Oh yes, Master Harry," Eppy beamed at being able to do something for him and popped away.

"Don't tell me you own that poor creature," demanded Hermione.

"Yep."

"You realize that you are enslaving her don't you?"

"Yep."

"That's barbaric!" exclaimed the Head Girl as the house elf popped in with the drink.

"I keep the whips and chains in my trunk for special occasions, like Christmas, my birthday and payday."

"Oh, yes missy, he is beating Eppy terrible he is. But it is being okay with me. I like it. It makes me feel dirty," Eppy said as she pointed to her skirt, "down there."

Harry nearly choked on his drink from trying not to laugh as the elf popped away.

x-x-x-x-x

About half an hour later, Harry entered the Great Hall and sat down to have his breakfast at the very end of the Gryffindor table. He soon began watching as the students from the four houses made their way into the Great Hall. As Harry watched the students coming in, his face was still hurting from what Eppy had said to Hermione. He thanked his lucky stars he had an elf that was so smart as to improvise like that.

A few moments later, Harry looked up from his bowl of porridge, and watched as Hermione stalked into the room with a growl on her face followed closely by Ron who was looking bewildered. Obviously she hadn't told him what happened that morning.

As the couple past Harry, he caught her eye and mouth the words, 'Down there,' and pointed at his pants.

The Head Girl looked like she wanted to explode, but continued on while Harry beamed with joy.

"What was that mate?" asked Seamus as he took a seat beside Harry.

"Just messing with Granger's head."

Neville and Dean, who had followed the Irishman into the hall, were looking dumbfounded. Harry was talking to Seamus.

Dean leaned in to Neville and whispered, "He must have gotten through to him."

"But when?" asked Neville back in a whisper.

"Who knows, but let's take advantage of it while it lasts."

So Dean and Neville took seats on the opposite side of the table from Harry and Seamus.

Moments later, the sounds of hundred of post owls filled the air and instinctively Harry looked up looking for a spot of white among the brown and gray feathers. Then he remembered, she wasn't coming down to see him anymore and he looked down again.

Seamus saw Harry's momentary sadness and clapped a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it a little. Seamus could be a good mate when he wanted to. The corner of Harry's mouth twitched into a smile, it did feel nice to not be alone, if only for a moment.

However, everyone's attention was soon diverted to another part of the Gryffindor table. An owl had landed in front of Ron Weasley with a red envelope in its beak, a smoking red envelope to be precise. It was a howler. Dropping the envelope in Ron's lap, the owl took off quickly and the monstrous sound filled the air as it went off.

"**RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!"** roared Molly Weasley's voice. **"HOW DARE YOU EMBARRASS US WITH YOUR DISGUSTING ACTIVITIES? SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A GOAT, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED WITH YOU AND YOUR POOR FATHER IS SO HUMILIATED THAT HE CANNOT EVEN GO TO WORK. IF YOU SO MUCH AS WHIP IT OUT AGAIN TO ANYTHING OTHER THAN HERMIONE GRANGER, I WILL COME UP THERE AND PERSONALLY CUT IT OFF AND THEN DISOWN YOU OUTRIGHT!"**

The whole hall broke out into fits of laughter and looks of disgust towards the Gryffindor prefect.

"I didn't do it," Ron said feebly. "I would never. You believe me don't you Hermione?"

Harry chuckled to himself. The twins had come through this time, he had to admit.

x-x-x-x-x

"Harry?" Neville said outside of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. "Could Dean and I please have a word?"

Harry stopped and listened to them.

"Harry, Seamus told us after breakfast that you forgave him," Neville said nervously. "Dean and I were wondering if you would please forgive us too."

Sighing Harry thought, 'This is going to be exhausting. Forgiveness is taking too much out of me.' Then he looked into their pleading faces and knew that they truly did him no wrong, said, "Alright, but only on the condition that you two stay out of my fight with the teachers and with Weasley and Granger."

"Why are you fighting with them? Didn't they ask for forgiveness too?" Neville asked innocently.

"No," Harry said wearily. "They demanded it. Never once did they ask me to forgive them. Never once did they ask how I was feeling. Never once did they ask if I was even hurt after killing Voldemort. No they just picked me up and started demanding forgiveness."

Both boys flinched at the dark wizard's name and though it annoyed him, Harry said nothing about it.

"That seems fair, mate," Dean said with a grin. Neville grinned too and held his hand out for Harry. Harry took it and then the three entered the classroom.

x-x-x-x-x

Professor Lupin entered the classroom and noticed that Harry was sitting near the back of his classroom. He also noticed that three of his fellow dorm mates were seated near him. Was this a good sign? Lupin didn't know, however, he also noticed Ron and Hermione were in the front row and she looked like she could just spit. He sighed and waited for the bell to ring to begin class.

"Now, class, as you know we have a former student returning to us and I want you all to help him along with his studies."

Harry snorted as Dean, Seamus and Neville snickered. They all knew that Harry could probably still be able to teach them after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of being locked up for a crime that he did not commit.

Lupin continued, not knowing what was going on in the back of the class. "Now as I said last time, I want this to be a practical exercise today. Now I want everyone to pair up, however, since we now have an uneven number of students, I think Harry should come up here and work with Ron and Hermione."

Okay kids, can you guess what's going to happen next? I thought you might.

Ron looked highly embarrassed to having himself thrust into the spot light again that morning and Hermione looked as if she wanted to hex Harry for … well you know… that 'down there' thing.

Harry looked snarky, stood up and reached into the pocket of his everyday robe and pulled out a small object. He held it up to the light between his thumb and forefinger and screamed, **"SPOON!"**

Instinctively the werewolf grabbed his bandaged hand and said timidly, "Perhaps not."

"He can work with us Professor," Neville said as Seamus grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him over to that group.

"Thanks," Harry muttered.

"No problem mate, I would hate to see someone end up in the infirmary so early in the morning," Seamus said spying the other two parts of the former Golden Trio. "Especially after a certain someone got that howler this morning."

Dean and Neville snickered as Harry smiled and they all worked together as one big group.

x-x-x-x-x

Defense Against the Dark Arts had actually been fun for Harry. As he had thought, he held his own with no problem and didn't need anyone to teach him a separate sixth year course. In fact he was doing better than some of the seventh years in the class.

After an uneventful lunch, where Ron was teased by a few Slytherins for his morning howler, Harry headed up to Gryffindor tower to change his clothes for his Muggle Studies class. Professor Langtree had given him a syllabus for the class, after rummaging in her desk for ten minutes trying to find one for the N.E.W.T. level courses and it clearly said that no wizarding clothing would be allowed in class, only Muggle clothes. It also said magic in any form would NOT be tolerated.

So Harry arrived at Professor Langtree's office wearing his new denims, his new trainers, a new white t-shirt and a comfy oversized jumper (in America we call them sweaters) that he bought in a small shop on Charing Cross Road, not far from the Leaky Cauldron.

"Good afternoon Potter," Professor Langtree said with a smile. "You could pass for a Muggle any day of the week. Three points to Gryffindor for correct use of camouflage."

"Only in winter," Harry said casually. "This wouldn't look right in summer."

Laughing she said, "Take another two points for correct seasonal appearance."

"Well, it's easy for me; I grew up living with Muggles."

"I know, I was reading your file. I usually try to keep Muggle-borns and Muggle raised students entertained with something while I try and teach the others how to dress Muggle. I think half of them go into hysterics every year when we begin the fashion assignments," Professor Langtree said, which cause Harry to smile.

"You should do that more often," the Muggles Studies teacher said.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Smile."

Harry scowled. What was he thinking; he was consorting with the enemy.

Professor Langtree laughed again. "I know what you're thinking."

"Oh, what's that?"

"That I'm going to run off and tell Albus that you were being a happy smiling sunshine kind of guy today."

"He's seen me smile before."

Langtree laughed, "True, but from what I've been hearing at staff meetings, it's usually when you're being down right creative about punishing him. I've never seen Severus so tickled in the two years I've been working here. At today's meeting I thought he was actually going to smile."

"You talk about me in staff meetings?" asked Harry a little concerned. Were they comparing notes?

"Kid, before you returned we had weekly meetings where we talked about all kinds of students, those who needed some encouragement and those who were outstanding in academic performances."

Harry looked suspicious and asked, "And now?"

"Now we have daily meetings where we talk about nothing but you. You know all the teachers but myself and Severus are concerned for you."

"I can guess why Snape isn't, but why not you? I mean I am in your class now."

"Honestly?" she asked amused. "Well, I don't think you're suicidal, homicidal, destructive, planning to take over the known wizarding world or anything like that. I think what you are doing is something we used to call back on the farm in the Midwest a little 'Cock on the Walk'."

Harry laughed in spite of himself and said, "What's that?"

"Striking out with your independence and scratching out your territory."

Harry laughed again and indeed he felt better and hoped she was telling the truth about not telling the Headmaster that he was in a good mood. He didn't need the old man knowing that quite yet.

Changing the subject, Professor Langtree clapped her hands and asked, "Now I am guessing that you are adept at living in a Muggle social setting already and can dress like them. What do you really want out of this course?"

"Well, my plan is to live like a Muggle after I get out of this prison and away from Dumbledore."

"I'm guessing that you already understand Muggle money?" she asked and Harry nodded that he did. "Alright, I'm going to have to teach you about Muggle government and helping you pass your equivalency exams so you can get a Muggle job. There are several things on there that are not taught in this school and probably should be, such as Mathematics, Basic Business, English Literature and Computer Sciences."

"Okay, let's get started then."

"It's going to be quite a bit of reading, but since you're not doing the homework in any of your other classes, that gives you quite a bit of time to do mine."

Harry chuckled, "How did you know that?"

"It was discussed in the meeting. They were also discussing ways of trying to get you to do to your homework and to get you back on the Gryffindor Quidditch team," Langtree admitted which caused Harry to groan. "Also the Head Boy and Head Girl were in attendance and something was mentioned about you demanding to be killed and whipping your house elf."

"Is the Head Boy, Malfoy?" asked Harry and she nodded in the affirmative. Harry grunted and continued, "Malfoy caught me in the hallway without my wand and I had to do something to mess with his head and Granger was being bossy so I laid it on rather thick with her this morning."

Smiling she said, "I figured as much."

x-x-x-x-x

After class, Harry returned to the tower to do some reading. Professor Langtree couldn't give him homework as she had to special order some books for him on the subjects that they talked about in her office. So instead Harry found himself reading a Muggle novel that he picked up in a small secondhand bookstore in London.

"What are you reading mate?" Dean asked as he and Seamus sat down with their homework from Care of Magical Creatures.

"A Muggle novel I picked up for some casual reading," replied Harry.

"Well, I'm surprised that you're not reading some pornographic guide to elicit sex with non-human magical creatures," interrupted Hermione Granger, Head Girl.

"Well, I had a picture book of the Magical Kama Sutra, but Eppy took it and I haven't seen her since," Harry said without looking up. "She said something about page 36 and a black leather brazier."

Hermione gasped slightly and then snorted in aggravation before she stormed away to one of the study tables to sit beside Ron.

x-x-x-x-x

Later that night as the boys were getting ready for bed, Harry could tell that Ron was working himself up to say something to him again. As a result Harry was getting ready for bed much faster than normal.

"Harry?"

However, it wasn't fast enough. Damn it!

"I think you really upset Hermione."

"How so?" asked Harry as he slipped his t-shirt over his head.

"Well…" Ron said not sure where to go. "Are you really doing it with your house elf?"

"Are you really doing it with a goat?" Harry responded and caused Neville, Dean and Seamus to snicker.

"You know me better than that," Ron said heatedly.

"How would I know what you're capable of? After all you helped put your best friend in prison for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds and it didn't seem to phase you at all."

Ron Weasley stood there shocked. "Harry, you know that I'm sorry about that you went to prison, but it wasn't my fault. Besides I didn't have sex with a goat!"

"Just Granger."

"Yeah," Ron admitted and then said, "NO, she and I haven't done that either. We're just friends."

Seamus walked over to Harry and put an arm around his neck and said, "Don't worry about it Ron, I know for a fact that Harry ain't doing no house elf."

"How would you know?" Ron said accusingly. Then his eyes went wide. "You let Seamus do that to you?"

"Seamus didn't do anything to me," Harry said. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Harry, mate, that's just wrong."

"I'm not your mate, Weasley," snarled Harry. But then he saw an opportunity and went for it. "So what are you saying? That I'm not good enough for Seamus?"

"No," protested Ron as Neville and Dean snickered in their beds.

"Oh, so Seamus isn't good enough for me?"

"Of course he is. He's a good mate."

"So what are you saying? That I can only love someone that you pick for me? That I need your approval before I can actually have someone in my life? Is this how it's going to be? I need committee approval from you, Granger and Dumbledore?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all," pleaded Ron. "I'm just saying that maybe you should give yourself some time before jumping into anything."

"So we're back to me not being good enough for Seamus, are we?" Harry said as he curved the argument back around to his advantage.

Ron stood there and hung his head. "Is there anyway that you could ever forgive us?"

"Yes."

Ron's head shot up with hope in his in eyes. "Then why won't you do it? Why are you making our lives so miserable?"

"Because this is something you have to figure out for yourself," Harry admitted and then climbed into his bed and closed the hangings.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

**_Some of you may have noticed that I mentioned two authors during the shower scene, that's because they both had shower scenes in their stories involving Harry and Seamus together._**

**_Also, those of you who might object to the gay thing, well all I can say, I thought it was funny. So get over it._**

Myr is a devilish writer who wrote Harry Potter & the Parliament of Dreams which can be found on this bat station (f f dot net) or at gay authors dot org. This story is very much Harry Potter meets Tales of the City. Eventually everyone will end up being gay.  I didn't ask Myr's permission, but figured he wasn't a reader anyway.

Darkmoore is almost finished writing a story called Harry Potter & the Veela That Wouldn't Go Away, which is a prequel to his Honeychurch series. All three of his main stories are good and can be located also at F F dot net. As for Darkmoore, are you kidding? He emailed me wanting to know why I wasn't referencing him in my story. What a ham!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

The next morning at breakfast, Harry entered the Great Hall, still not wearing his school uniform but rather dressed like a Muggle. After yesterday's Muggle Studies class, Harry realized that he rather enjoyed wearing Muggle clothing rather than wizarding robes. Besides, he knew that someone, most likely Granger, would complain about it and that would make it all the better. Harry was beginning to really love aggravating her.

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table and began to dig into his bacon and eggs when the other boys from the dorm came in and sat around him.

"Morning Harry," they said as they sat.

"Good morning."

However, before anyone could say anything else, the Great Hall was filled with the morning post owls. This morning there wasn't the normal amount but rather thousands of them. It seems that everyone in the wizarding world had finally realized that Harry was back at Hogwarts and they were sending him their greeting. Soon every available surface of the hall had an owl sitting on it all wanting to deliver their post first.

"You seem to be very popular this morning mate."

Harry sighed and yelled, "EPPY! DOBBY! Help!

"Yes, Master Harry?" Eppy said gleefully as she knew she was either going to be of service or help to punish her master's enemies for their wrong doings.

"Help me gather my morning post? I seem to have a few more than usual."

The two house elves looked around the table and Dobby said, "Yes, Harry Potter, you's is having more than is being normal."

As the four boys and the two elves began to gather Harry's mail the hall was suddenly filled with the sounds of someone screeching. Another howler had just gone off.

"**HERMIONE JANE GRANGER,"** rang out Molly Weasley's voice in a shrill. **"HOW DARE YOU DENY MY SON HIS CARNAL DESIRES! I ENTIRELY BLAME YOU FOR THIS GOAT INCIDENT! IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SUCH A PRUDE HE WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED TO SEEK HIS PLEASURES ELSEWHERE! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED WITH YOU!"**

Both Ron's and Hermione's faces were glowing red from the embarrassment of the howler. Harry stopped gathering his posts long enough to gloat for a moment before returning to his task.

"Did you do that Harry?" asked Neville with a huge grin on his face.

"Maybe."

All four boys snickered together.

x-x-x-x-x

Harry and the two elves spent the morning collecting the mail and then sorting it into piles. The majority of it was actually fan mail that Harry had Dobby to divide in half and sent them directly to the Draco Malfoy's private room and to Hermione's bed up in Gryffindor Tower. When the two returned they would find thousands of letters covering their respective beds.

"It'll give them something to read before going to sleep," Harry said with amusement.

The remainder of the mail broke down into three main categories, letters from the ministry, letters from his solicitor and a letter from the twins. Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table, which by now was mostly vacant as the first class of the day had started and began to read his letters.

The first letter was an official apology from the Minister of Magic.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_We here at the Ministry of Magic would like to formally welcoming him back into normal society again. We apologize to the gross miscarriage of justice and your unfortunate incarceration for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. _

_We hope that this letter finds you well and hopefully readjusting well to life at school, which we know, through Headmaster Dumbledore, that you were eager to complete._

_If you have any concerns about your future please feel free to contact me at any time,_

_Regards,_

_Cornelius Oswald Fudge,_

_Minister of Magic,_

_Order of Merlin, First Class_

Leave it to Fudge to use a dozen words when a simple, 'I'm sorry' would have done the same. Harry folded it back up and went to the next, which was his notification of his nomination by the Minister for the Order of Merlin, First Class for destroying Voldemort.

"Big deal," Harry muttered as he folded that one up and put it back in its envelope. The award meant very little to him. Harry read a few more letters from the Ministry, which he mostly discarded as useless. They were all trying to get his support for their petty bids for power in the wizarding government and he didn't give a damn about that. The last three letters, however, they were far more entertaining than any of the others were.

The first was from Fred and George asking how the two howlers they sent were going over and that they were ready to implement phase two whenever he was. Harry grinned. They got that together much faster than he expected, especially since the holiday break was only a couple of weeks away too.

The other two letters were from Algernon Graves, Harry's wizarding solicitor. The first one was a forwarded letter from a reputable wizarding real estate agent that Mr. Graves had employed to find Harry a place to live. Mr. Graves had informed Harry in the letter that she was a competent agent and was more than capable of keeper her mouth closed when needed. Graves had also sent along several prospective homes for Harry to look over. Harry was pleased, but put it aside to read the second letter.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_Per your request to have that faux law that concerns you and only you removed from active participation in your everyday life, I have been petitioning the wizengamont everyday since Monday and late last night, they have conceded that this law is unjust and it was been lifted as of eight o'clock this morning. So effectively you are free and clear to live your life as you see fit and leave Hogwarts or stay there, by your choice and your choice alone._

_Professor Dumbledore has also been informed of this reversal and will most likely attempt to force you to stay in order for you to forgive his actions against you, which are now under investigation._

_I should also warn you that you may be contacted by Aurors wishing to interview you about this matter. Don't let them bully you into anything and tell them to direct their questions to me and I will set up a meeting time for all of us to be there together._

_With warmest regards,_

_Algernon Graves_

_Wizarding Solicitor_

_Order of Merlin, Third Class_

Harry sat there numbly. Then he began to grin like a mad man, he was free. At long last he was free.

"Harry?"

Harry looked up to see the Headmaster standing there with a ministry envelope in his hand.

"I think we need to talk about a few things."

"What do you want to talk about?" Harry asked innocently. "If it's about the whips and chains, I was just messing with Granger's head."

The Headmaster chuckled, "I know that Harry. You did a very good job of it I might add. She was very upset in yesterday's staff meeting."

"Serves her right for ordering me around like that," Harry said coldly, though in truth he was quite happy. "What it is you want to talk about?" Of course Harry already knew that answer.

"Perhaps it would be best if we went to my office."

Harry smirked, "You mean the room where you feel the most in control? No, why don't you sit down right there and we'll talk here."

Sighing, the Headmaster sat down on the bench. "Harry, I'm sure that in one of those thousands of letters you received this morning that you found a letter from the ministry about that law that keeps you here at school."

"Actually, no, the ministry hasn't informed me at all about it. Why? Has something changed about it?" Harry asked as innocently as he could muster under the circumstances.

"Yes, Harry, it's been extended until you complete your entire training," the Headmaster lied skillfully.

"Really?" asked Harry enthusiastically. "Because my solicitor just wrote me and informed me that it was broken in court effective this morning."

"Well," chuckled the Headmaster, "I had to try didn't I. So what are you going to do now Harry? I would very much like it if you stayed. I still believe that you need an education as well as forgiving the people around you."

"Do you deserve it?"

"Of course we do Harry," Dumbledore began, but Harry cut him off.

"Do you know what I was doing a week ago today?" Harry asked. "I was being dragged from my dirty little cell in Azkaban by Death Eaters, taken out into a court yard where I discovered that Voldemort was holding court (as it were) waiting to murder me. Then I find out, from him no less, that you and the other ministry officials were there to witness me being administered the Dementor's Kiss."

"It was a ruse Harry, to bring him out into the open. I knew that he could not have permitted anything to happen to you that was not done by his hands."

"LIAR!" spat Harry. "Graves found the execution order in the ministry records and forwarded a copy to me. He's very good at his job you know."

Dumbledore couldn't say anything, it was true.

"Do you really expect me to believe that after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds that I would be capable of handling a wizard's duel with him?"

"Yes, I did Harry. You are an extraordinary human being. I knew you could handle anything."

Harry gathered up his letters and stood from the table. "Just how stupid do you think I am?"

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, after Harry had skived off his morning classes, he decided to eat his lunch in the kitchens with the house elves rather than deal with the school in general. On his way down, he heard a great murmur coming from the Great Hall and once again he listened at the door to the announcement being given, Professor McGonagall was apparently giving it this time.

"Now everyone, afternoon classes have been cancelled for today so that the teachers can have an emergency meeting. I need the Head Boy and Head Girl to take charge and for all of the prefects to keep an eye on things. This meeting shouldn't take more two hours to complete, so I expect you all to be on your best behavior."

Harry frowned, "Why are they having a mee…" then he remembered what Professor Langtree said the day before. How they now had daily staff meetings about him. What to do, what to do?

Deciding to not worry about it, Harry went down to the kitchens and had his lunch. After all it was Hagrid who said, 'What will come, will come and we'll deal with it when it gets here.'

x-x-x-x-x

After finding out from the elves when and where the staff meeting was taking place, Harry decided to have some fun and attend. Before he left the kitchens, he sent Eppy up to his trunk to retrieve the dozen or so packages that he bought form the Weasley twins and place them at strategic spots all over the castle. What better alibi than the entire teaching staff.

Harry entered the staff room a few minutes after the meeting had started and no one noticed him enter except for Professor Langtree, who smirked at him. He put his finger to his lips to tell her to be quiet. She obliged him only because she wanted to see what he was up to.

"I was sent this letter this morning," the Headmaster began as he held up the letter. "I have been informed that we cannot force Mister Potter to stay in the castle any longer."

"But Albus," Professor McGonagall said, "He hasn't even been in the castle a full week yet."

"I know," Dumbledore said sadly. "We are just going to have to convince him to stay for his sake."

"He's got to stay, he simply has to forgive us," Professor Lupin said frantically.

"Why? Why does Potter have to forgive you?" Snape drawled lazily. "What have any of you done to earn his forgiveness?"

"What do you mean Severus?" Dumbledore asked with interest.

"Have any of you asked to be forgiven? Or have you just stood there and demanded it as Albus and Lupin have done? Did it occur to you that even though he acts like a child, that maybe he wants to be treated like an adult? With the same common courtesy that you or I would have expected to be given."

Harry sat there in the back of the room. Leave it to Snape to hit the nail right on the head. However, no one seemed to actually be listening, as if they knew better. However, Harry had enough.

"Excuse me; I would like to address this meeting of the Harper Valley PTA."

No one in the room understood the joke, except for Professor Langtree, who had slumped down into her chair laughing hysterically.

Immediately Lupin jumped up and raced over to Harry, "Harry, you can't leave," he pleaded. "You've got to stay so you can forgive us."

"What are you going to do? Throw yourself on the floor chanting some ancient Mesopotamian slave bonding ritual that will force me to accept you in my life until I forgive you? That would be so krtshadow of you."

Lupin looked confused by the reference, but answered, "No, I wasn't planning on doing anything like that Harry."

"Thank Merlin for small favors," Harry said. "Now I have no intention of leaving the castle until the end of term, as I am starting a project with Professor Langtree that I want to finish."

"Amanda?" McGonagall said as she looked over to the Muggle Studies teacher, who sat there smugly.

"At the time of my departure, I will want a recommended reading list for the following subjects, Potions, Charms, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, which I will be studying and working on at my home, that I intend to purchase. I will not be seeking help, advice or counsel on anything," Harry said while looking at the Headmaster. "I will consider taking my N.E.W.T.'s when I feel I am up to it and I will be seeking employment in the Muggle world afterward."

At this point several teachers looked like they were going to say something, but Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger both came bursting into the room.

"Professor Snape, you've got to come, the school is in chaos!" the Head Boy said.

"What's happened?" Dumbledore asked.

"It seems that someone set off about a dozen portable environments," the Head Girl said as she looked at Harry. "The school corridors are filled with swamps, jungles, desserts, forests and a winter wasteland. Also it seems that Peeves has decided to loosen all the bolts holding the chandeliers in the castle and they are falling at random."

"Don't look at me," Harry said defensively, "I was here with you."

x-x-x-x-x

While the teachers were all over the school dealing with either environmental conditions or the damage that Peeves was doing at random intervals, Harry returned to the Gryffindor common room. Quickly finding Seamus, Dean and Neville, Harry draws them close and asks them something important.

"Okay guys, I need to know something. What was going on around here while I was in Azkaban?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asked.

"How were people behaving?"

"Do you mean, were Ron and Hermione acting like they were in charge?" Neville asked to which Harry nodded. "Yeah, almost from the minute you were taken from the castle, they both started in like they were the king and queen of Gryffindor Tower."

Harry frowned.

"Ron threw his little temper tantrums all over the place trying to get his way all the time. He demanded that your bed be removed from the room more than once, which I fought him on," Seamus explained.

"Yeah, Hermione went on these crusades about study times and house elf rights," provided Dean. "It was down right scary at times. If you weren't studying when she wanted you too, then you were given detentions."

"You don't even want to know how Ron acted when he received the team captain spot from you, Harry. It went straight to his head. The two acted so badly Luna wouldn't have anything to do with them anymore," Neville added. "When we lost the first game to Slytherin last year, he blamed that entirely on to you."

"Wow," Harry said grimly. "It was worse than I thought. I mean after Hermione stopped crying and gushing about how I was suppose to forgive her, I knew something had to have happened."

Neville noticed that Harry was starting to blame himself for their behavior and said quickly, "Yeah, but Ron still wants to be forgiven. Doesn't that count for something?"

"NO," Seamus said defending Harry; well he was in love with Harry after all, even if Harry couldn't return it. "Ron's just afraid that Harry will go back on the team and take his captaincy back."

The four sat in silence for a moment as Harry thought things over.

"You aren't leaving are you Harry?" Seamus asked timidly as he chewed on a finger nail.

"Don't bite your nails, it's not good for them," Harry said and batted Seamus' hand from his mouth. "What makes you say that?"

"Rumor going around that you've been sprung from school and can do as you please," Seamus answered. "Please don't go." Then Seamus moved forward and rested his head against Harry's.

Harry snorted in laughter and the other three followed suit. "I'll think about it."

x-x-x-x-x

Later that night, after the school was returned to some form of order, Harry approached his two former best friends. "Weasley, Granger, are you busy?"

"Yes, terribly, I have a ton of letters on my bed to get rid of."

"Fine," Harry said and began to walk away.

"Harry, wait," Ron said, "We have all the time in the world to talk. Don't we Hermione?"

"Very well," she said grudgingly. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Has either of you figured it out yet why I won't forgive you?" Harry asked simply.

"Because you're a much damaged boy who only wants the people who care about him to suffer just because he spent a little bit of time in Azkaban," spat Hermione

"One year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds," chorused a large group of their housemates, who were obviously listening in on their conversation.

"And that's another thing; do you need to continually remind us all how long you were there? What purpose does it serve?"

Sighing Harry got up to leave as Ron said, "Wait, Harry, please tell us why. Please."

"Because neither of you never asked for it. You both stood there and demanded it. Never once did you say to me that you missed me, that it was horrible what happened to me, nothing, just a demand for forgiveness. I stood there in that court room last Friday and saw the both of you and was honestly happy that my family had come to get me. I didn't expect you to storm the prison or anything, but in the courtroom, I thought maybe you'd be concerned to see me there wearing those rags and bleeding that you'd run up to me and hug and tell me how much you missed me or even just patted me on the back. It would have meant so much."

The two just sat there and tears were starting to form in Hermione's eyes.

"Instead what I got was a demand for forgiveness so that you could feel better about betraying me," Harry said quietly, but every single person in the common room heard it. "Then I return and discover that while I was gone, you both had turned on me. Putting me down for what happened and not even giving me the benefit of the doubt. Blaming me for everything that went wrong while I was gone and saying that I deserved it. Then I discover that you terrorized the house into following your regime of … whatever it was and again blamed it all onto me. This whole thing is so Dragongirl16 of you."

"We're sorry Harry, you've got to forgive us," Hermione said as she began to cry again.

"I've got to forgive you," he repeated. "I see." Then Harry walked away. They still didn't get it.

x-x-x-x-x

About an hour or so later, Harry was up in the seventh year boy's dormitory secretly reading his Charm book. Hey he was really good at Charms remember? When the door opened and Neville walked in.

"Hey Harry."

"Hey," Harry replied.

"Um, I have a question," the formerly forgetful Gryffindor asked.

"Sure, what's up?"

"What are you doing for the Christmas Holiday?"

Harry smiled and he lay the book face down on his chest, "Well, I was planning on looking for a house to buy and learning how to be a burden on society? Why?"

Neville laughed as he sat on Harry's bed. "Well, I wanted to invite you to come and stay with me and Gran. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, she's always asking me to have some of my friends over."

"Are you sure she wouldn't mind having an ex-convict in the house? I'm sure most people wouldn't too kindly on that."

"No, you look at yourself that way, not us," Neville said with a look.

Harry smiled again. He knew the truth when he heard it, even if he didn't like it. "Well, to be honest, I was going to take a room in the Leaky Cauldron to be closer to my solicitor and real estate agent."

Neville was about to answer when Seamus and Dean walked in.

"That sounds like a good idea mate, I think we all should stay there and spent Christmas together."

Harry, Dean and Neville looked skeptical.

"What?" Seamus asked. "We're all of age aren't we?"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

In case you're wondering, krtshadow wrote one of my favorite Azkaban stories called "Redemption," which can be found once again on his same bat channel. I highly recommend it, even though the ending didn't meet my expectations. And before anyone asks, No, I didn't ask him beforehand to let me satirize him and his story.

Dragongirl16 wrote a wonderful story about how the entire wizarding world turns it back on Harry called "Faith." It is located F F dot net, as are most of the stories that I read and I recommend it to anyone who likes to see Ron make a total and complete jackass of himself.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

The next day found Harry sitting in Transfiguration beside Neville. Dean and Seamus were sitting in front of them and they were all listening to Professor McGonagall give a lecture about the theoretical model for vanishing spells on large magical creatures.

Although Harry wasn't really paying any attention to the lecture, he tried to make the appearance that he was. If only to distract McGonagall to what he was really doing, which was plotting the next bit of … well lets call it creative education shall we?

He decided to give everyone a free and clear breakfast that morning. Well, free and clear for him as he watched as both Ron and Hermione were watching for owl with red letters all throughout the meal. Harry was still chuckling to himself as he remembered.

Soon the bell rang signaling the end of the double period and for them to go and eat lunch. Harry gathered up his quill and parchment and shoved them into his rucksack and flung it over his shoulder and started for the door.

"Potter, may I see you for a moment," Professor McGonagall said.

Sighing, Harry really considered ignoring her and bolting from the room. However, his curiosity got to him and he turned to see what she wanted. "Yes," he asked.

"Harry, I wanted to talk to you again about rejoining the Gryffindor team. I cannot express enough how we need a competent seeker."

Was she serious? Sighing again, Harry walked up to the teacher's desk and dropped his bag on it. Then he pulled off his jumper, as he had taken to wearing Muggle clothing all the time now and grabbed her hands and placed them on his ribs.

"Professor, do you honestly think that I am in any physical condition to play Quidditch? I've only been out of prison for a week now and am just now getting used to food that doesn't have dirt and mildew as its main ingredients."

Feeling his boney ribs through his skin, she had to admit that he had a point.

Harry continued, "And, even though I bought a new broom, I haven't even been on it yet. I have no idea if I even have the stamina to stay up there long enough to play a game. Now do you really think it's in MY best interests to rejoin the team?"

Reluctantly Professor McGonagall agreed with him.

"Thank you, now please stop groping me so I can go and eat my lunch."

x-x-x-x-x

Harry arrived in the Great Hall a few minutes after everyone else and found a seat alone at the very end of the table. Hardly anyone ate that far down in the winter as it was the coldest spot in the room. However, after one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of Azkaban, Harry didn't feel the cold like he used to.

Just as Harry was slicing into his piece of chicken breast then hall was suddenly filled with a roaring sound. It seems someone was on the receiving end of another howler.

"**ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!"** bellowed the sweet voice of Molly Weasley, **"HOW DARE YOU PROVIDE MY YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE SON WITH A GOAT! HAVE YOU NO SHAME? TO THINK THAT YOUR OWN BROTHER HAS A REPUTATION FOR THIS TYPE OF THING, I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED BETTER JUDGMENT ON YOUR PART THAN TO PROVIDE SAID GOATS AS A SEXUAL RECREATIONAL VEHICLE! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED WITH YOU AND YOUR BEHAVIOR! IF YOU SO MUCH AS PUT A TOE OUT OF LINE AGAIN, I WILL TAKE THIS UP WITH THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS!"**

Harry looked up from his plate to watch the Headmaster's face. When his gaze fell on Harry, he raised his goblet up as if to say 'cheers.'

Professor Albus Dumbledore did not look pleased.

x-x-x-x-x

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore said with a disappointed look on his face as he sat in the chair in his office. "I cannot impress upon you the necessity of opening up your heart and forgiving us. These constant attacks must come to an end."

Harry stood there in the office and faked a trembling lip and in a whiney voice said, "But Uncle Fucker, I'm fragile." However, a wicked smile crept across Harry's face. He just couldn't help it, that howler was priceless.

"Today's example of your pranking ability …"

"Which I didn't send."

"… should show you that your love of magic is too great to spend the rest of your life living as a Muggle."

"I didn't send the howler," Harry said again. "And I haven't spoken to that woman for about a week, so how could I have asked her to do that. Plus even if I did, I don't think she would have done so anyway. I only got my wand back the other day and I have no skills at creating howlers. So please tell me how I managed to do so?"

The Headmaster looked dumbfounded.

"Now I am leaving the school in a few days and you cannot stop that. I am going to buy a house and I am finally going to have the home that you have denied me since my parents died. You have no say in this and you will have to learn to either be happy for me and leave me alone OR you can die! Those are your options, pick one."

"Harry," Dumbledore began.

"Or you can just concede defeat and expel me now and I win."

The Headmaster frowned, "Just how would that allow you to win? You would be depriving yourself of your education and your wand."

"My magical education you mean," Harry corrected. "Since I intend on living as a Muggle anyway that won't matter. How will I win? Well that's an easy one. Once you expel me, then you will have to live with the fact that once again you have deprived me of the one thing you have owed to me my entire life."

"And that would be?"

"Happiness."

Dumbledore sighed and looked extremely old. "You're never going to forgive me are you Harry?"

"My one and only intention towards you is to live just long enough to piss on your grave," Harry said a hard coldness that filled the room. Then turning he stalked out of the office.

Once Harry was gone, the Headmaster hung his head and cried for all the wrong he set on that child.

x-x-x-x-x

Minutes later as Harry stalked down the corridor, he was somewhere between hurt and absolutely furious.

"Master Harry, Master Harry," cried Eppy as she popped into the corridor.

Harry calmed slightly, it wasn't her fault that he was mad after all. "Yes Eppy?"

"Is you's being okay?"

"No, but I will be."

For such a young house elf, Eppy already knew better. "If it making you's be feeling better Eppy can be putting on the black stiletto heels and black panties and serve you in front of that bossy girl."

Harry smiled and then laughed.

"Okay."

x-x-x-x-x

Saturday morning brought some relief for Harry. All he wanted to do was to lie in bed and sleep the day away. Now reading how this story has gone so far, what is the odds that he was going to be able to do that? Any takers? So as Harry was sleeping warmly and comfortably in his four poster bed, he is suddenly woken by a great weight settling itself on his chest.

Soon the words, "Hiya Harry," filled Harry's ears in a deep Irish accent.

"Bugger off, Seamus, I'm sleeping," muttered Harry as he tried to roll over and failed to as he was an undernourished young man and Seamus is a healthy vibrant and horny Irishman.

"No, Harry," Seamus said sternly, trying to mimic Professor McGonagall and failing miserably. "I am not about to allow you to sleep your time away from us. It's a nice day today and it is long past time to get out on your broom and start flying around again. There is no way I can even imagine why you would allow a brand new Firebolt lay untouched in your trunk without flying it."

"That's because my old Firebolt was torched," Harry said for Ron's benefit. Ron looked a little nervous when Harry said that.

"I bet this thing cost a fortune," Seamus went on when he saw Ron's reaction.

"Not as much as I would had to pay if I wanted a Vintage First Edition Firebolt, like I had before. They tripled in value," Harry said loudly causing Ron to whimper. All the other boys noticed that and Harry continued, "Yeah, I'd hate to have to pay for one of those, it could break an entire wizarding family for generations to come."

Ron couldn't take it anymore; he bolted from the dormitory room, most likely to find Hermione.

Harry smirked and looked around the room, "I don't know about you, but that was damn good for me."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later, after Seamus had convinced Harry to go flying and to pass the Quaffle around, well convinced isn't the right phrase, more like dragged out of bed by his feet, the four Gryffindors were walking down to the Quidditch pitch with their brooms slung over their shoulders.

"How did you talk me into this again?" Harry asked as they walked onto the field.

"Well, Harry, to remind you once again," Seamus said. "You had a choice, either come out and fly with us or have me strip naked and crawl into bed with you. Personally I would have preferred to curl up next to you for a bit of a cuddle, but…"

Neville and Dean snickered at them. Harry just rolled his eyes and mounted his broom. Moments later, Harry had shot straight up into the air by at least three hundred feet and began to circle around the pitch gaining speed as he flew.

Harry felt alive for the first time in one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds and he was enjoying the return of this feeling to his heart and mind.

"Hey Harry," Dean called out from below, "Are you playing or not?"

Harry looked down and smiled and flew down to join him. Now the rules were simple, as it always is when you play two against two in Quidditch. Each team had two chasers, but one of them usually stayed near the goal posts whenever the other team had the Quaffle. So it was Harry and Dean against Neville and Seamus.

"Alright flyboy," Seamus called out tauntingly. "You think you can beat me?"

"You wish," Harry said as his old competitiveness was returning in waves.

"Actually, yeah I do," winked Seamus and blew him a kiss as he tore through the air towards the goal posts that Dean was defending.

Harry snorted in laughter and pulled his broom around and was neck and neck with the Irishman in moments and managed to steal the Quaffle from him. As soon as Harry got it he turned faster than his dorm mate and headed towards Neville to make a goal.

For the rest of the morning the four had good time playing. Mostly because Harry was more like his old self than ever before. Which is to say that he felt like a part of him that had been asleep, was now waking up for the first time in a very long time.

x-x-x-x-x

By lunch time Harry was becoming very exhausted, after all he hadn't had any exercise since returning to the castle and his concentration was slipping and well as eye-hand co-ordination.

"I'm getting cold," Neville called out as he observed Harry's deteriorating condition. "Let's go in and eat and we can Exploding Snap by the fire later."

Gratefully, Harry agreed and they all landed and started back up to the castle when suddenly they heard something. Something that definitely was not human. Turning to look out towards the Forbidden Forest, the four saw a swarm of Banshees coming right at them. Seamus froze with fear. Banshees were the one thing in the world that he feared the most and he was unable to do anything at that moment.

"Seamus?" Harry asked and got no response. "Seamus!" he called again to the young man who had done the most to try and pull Harry back into the land of the living. He knew what he had to do and pulled out his wand. Harry then turned to the other two and said, "Neville, you and Dean, get Seamus inside now, I'll deal with this problem." After spending one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds locked away in Azkaban that saving people thing just kicks right in doesn't it.

"But Harry," Dean started to protest, but Seamus began to shake violently from his fear and giving in quickly, they dragged him up to the castle, while Harry stood his ground as the Banshees surrounded him on all sides.

Harry had no idea what they wanted and he stood there as they circled him repeatedly, as if trying to figure him out. However, Harry held true, even though he was about to drop from exhaustion.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore cried out as he bolted out into the winter air from the castle. "They are after you because of your broken heart; they want to turn you into a male Banshee. Don't listen to them."

This distraction was all it took for Harry to move his eyes from the lead Banshee to the Headmaster and said Banshee began to wail and scream at Harry. However, he felt nothing and he waited for the effects to kick in. They never did, which Harry found odd as he had no known special ability in this category. Harry dropped his wand arm to his side and looked at the dark creatures oddly.

"Are you actually after me?" Harry asked them.

The Banshee stopped wailing and looked at him with her head cocked to one side. This was new to her. Harry could have sworn she looked confused; however, a moment later she began to wail again. This really annoyed Harry and with a determined look on his face, he pocketed his wand and drew his arm back and belted the Banshee right in the nose.

Needless to say, she stopped wailing. I mean really after getting a broken nose, would you want to scream at someone like that?

"Now," Harry began, "I do not really understand why I am not susceptible to your wailing, but it doesn't seem to effect me. So you are wasting your time. I DO NOT have a broken heart, BUT I am righteously pissed the bloody hell off! If that's what you are picking up on, then you can go and bugger off, because I'm not playing this game today."

The Banshees stood there and looked around at one another before collectively shrugging and with slumped shoulders began to walk back to the Forbidden Forest, while Harry stomped back to the main gate of the castle.

"That was impressive Harry," the Headmaster said as the former convict passed him.

Stopping, Harry turned to the old man and said, "No! What that was is a Sheyda." Then Harry turned back and stomped into the castle.

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later Harry was soaking in the large claw-foot bath tub up in Gryffindor Tower. Every muscle in his body was screaming in pain due to his morning exercise, they weren't used to it anymore. Also, he had dealt with the Banshees coming to claim him as one of their own and the fact that he was even angrier at the Headmaster. He had the situation well in hand until that barmy old codger came out and started interfering with to him. If he hadn't looked away then they might have not started wailing like that. Also his hand would **NOT** be swelling up at the moment from breaking the lead Banshee's nose.

"Some days I can't win for losing," Harry muttered as he sat soaking in the hot steaming bubbly water. As Harry let his eyes close he wondered if it were possible to sleep in the bath tub without drowning yourself. The way his luck seemed to be going these days, he wasn't placing any bets on it.

Harry had no idea how long he was in there when he heard someone call his name.

"Harry?"

"Hmmm," he responded wearily.

"I'm sorry."

Opening his eyes against his will, Harry looked up and said, "What for Seamus? You did nothing wrong."

"When those b…, b…, banshees came, I should have stood up with you and fought them. Because I couldn't you were alone out there. You could have been hurt and it would have been all my fault," Seamus admitted as he leaned against the tile wall and slid down to the floor in a heap.

"Seamus…"

"No Harry I don't deserve you being nice to me. After what I did you should hate me more than anyone," the Irishman said in utter misery.

"Seamus," Harry began again, "Banshees are your greatest fear. I knew that and that's why I told Dean and Neville to get you inside."

"The dementors are your greatest fear and you faced them for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. I couldn't even do it for one minute."

Harry started to get out of the tub, but fell back into it and almost slid under the surface of the bubbles. "Oooof!"

"Harry?" asked Seamus alarmed. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just more knackered than I thought," Harry lied. Then he held out his arm and said, "Help me up."

Seamus helped Harry out of the tub and onto the tile floor. Thinking he was fine, Harry tried to stand on his own, but after the morning he had, he found he was as weak as a new born kitten and promptly fell over. Thankfully Seamus was there to catch him.

"Harry, are you alright?"

"Yeah," Harry said weakly. "I just need to go back to bed."

Seamus nodded in agreement and wrapped Harry's towel around his shoulders to keep him warm as he cast a drying charm on his cold wet naked body.

Harry smiled weakly and muttered, "Thanks," before his head fell onto Seamus' shoulder and his world went black as Seamus picked him and carried him back to the seventh year dormitory.

x-x-x-x-x

Several hours later Harry woke up in his four poster bed in his dormitory room. He was really groggy and could barely rise up from his pillow. However, he heard some people shouting and he was too curious about it. So he crept out of bed on two shaky legs, went to the door and opened it just enough to really hear what was going on.

"No, Ron, I think you should leave Harry alone."

"Ginny!" Ron yelled back at her. "You have no idea what you are talking about."

"Really?" Ginny bellowed back. "Do you remember last week when Harry said to leave him alone and that he wanted nothing to do with us again, what did you do? Let me tell you. You demanded that he act the way he did before he was sent to Azkaban. To just forget all about it and be the person he was before."

Ginny's eyes flared dangerously. Of course, Harry couldn't see that as he was upstairs at the time. However, he could imagine it, as he had seen her do it many times before and it always made him funny in his tummy when she did it. Ginny continued, "I have left him alone, hoping that if I left him alone he might find it in his heart to forgive me, where you and Hermione have pestered him to no end. Now, both you and she have received howlers from mum and I haven't. I wrote to mum and she said she didn't send them. Who do you think did?"

Harry was leaning against the door; he had to admit she was the smart one in the family. That made his tummy feel funny too, but he was unaware of it at that moment.

"Master Harry," Eppy said as she popped in. "You should be in bed you's should. You's is being needing you's rest you's is."

"I heard them fighting," Harry replied. "How did it start?"

"The _Weazy boy_ and that _bossy girl_," Eppy said with distaste in her mouth, "started talking about how you's is just being all stubborn and they's is going to being waking you's up and be making you's forgive them. Then the poofy Irish boy got up and being telling them to not being bothering you's. You's is sleeping and being needing it badly they's is saying. The dark skinned boy and the round headed boy is getting up and is blocking the door so no one can being bothering you's they's is."

Harry's heart felt warmth in his heart. The kind of warmth that he thought would never come again. They were defending him. They were taking care of him. Someone cared about him.

"Then," Eppy said, "the Weazy girl jumped in and started yelling she did at them both. Saying that you's is not feeling good and telling them to be remembering how some sniffly person acted after he done the same. I's not being understanding that part Master Harry."

"It's okay," Harry said suddenly becoming very tired again.

"Master Harry?" Eppy said as Harry began to slide to the floor unable to stand anymore on his wobbly legs a moment longer. The next thing Harry knew, Eppy was levitating him back to his bed and handing him a cup of hot broth. "This is being making you's much better Master Harry."

"Thanks," Harry said and drank the broth. When he was finished, Harry handed the mug back to the house elf and fell back into a much needed sleep again.

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, Harry woke up again, he was all warm and snuggly bundled up in his bed clothes with his hangings closed tightly. He felt so safe and peaceful; in fact it was the first time he felt that way since before he went to Azkaban. He never wanted this feeling to end. However…

Harry's eyes flew open when he heard the sound of a whip being cracked and Eppy's voice saying, "You's is not bothering Master Harry, we's is playing a game we's is and you's is not being invited."

Harry's curiosity once again got the better of him and he crawled to the foot of his bed and peeked through the crack in his bed curtains to see what was going on. In the dormitory room was all of his roommates and Hermione Granger, Head Girl standing on one side with Eppy standing between his bed and them. That wasn't the odd thing about this scene, no, that would be Eppy wearing the stiletto heels, the black panties and the brazier with the silver studded tips, a black mask and biker's leather hat while brandishing a whip that really caught his eye.

'That is one evil little elf," Harry thought as he grinned to himself and listened.

"I do not care what depraved little sex game you and Harry are playing," declared Hermione in her authoritarian voice. "We need to see Harry now!"

"And I's is being telling and Eppy is not telling you again," crack went the whip, "Master Harry is resting and is not being to be bothering him."

"Don't you see that Harry is exploiting you and forcing you into this role as his submissive?" Hermione cried in outrage. "He is only using you for his own sexual pleasure."

Harry was about to jump out of his bed to start yelling at the Head Girl. Who the bloody hell was she to say that kind of thing about his elf.

However, she beat him to it and with an evil grin across her face, Eppy said, "Who's is being saying Eppy is the submissive?" and then cracked her whip once more.

Hermione's mouth dropped open in utter shock and Harry was rolling on his bed holding his hands over his mouth so no one would hear him laughing.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

Sheyda wrote one of my absolutely favorite Azkaban fictions called, "Harry Potter and the Curse of the Banshees." It is the best one I have ever read! I hope that Sheyda is reading this and has been properly shamed into posted a new chapter soon. I would hate to think that this was wasted. Love you!


	9. Chapter Nine

_I wanted to thank everyone for the reviews I've been getting. I've had the flu and was even off from work, which for me is a cardinal sin. I'm better now and have been dealing with a huge pile of paperwork left for me on my desk, so I've no time to even think about writing. When I did get back the computer again, I found a million reviews and was so tickled. Thank you all for that, it was just what I needed. _

**Chapter Nine**

Harry woke up on Sunday morning feeling very contented and snuggly warm in his four poster bed. In fact Harry was feeling some other things as well, things that he normally did not feel in the morning. Such as a pair of muscular arms wrapped around him, hold him tight, the warmth of another body pressed up close to him and the … well, many of you know the "problem" that many teenaged boys have when they first wake up. Let's just say that was pressed up against Harry's buttocks. You got the "big" picture right?

Turning over Harry looked right into the sleeping face of Seamus Finnigan and rolled his eyes.

"Seamus," Harry said, trying to wake him up. "Seamus."

"Hmmmm," the Irishmen replied sleepily.

"Wake up Seamus, you're poking me."

"Huh?" Seamus said as he opened his eyes in confusion and then realized what Harry was talking about. "Oh, yeah, sorry about that Harry. You know how it is; guys have those all the time in the mornings."

Harry turned away from Seamus' grin and laid his head back on the pillow, "I don't. Not anymore."

"What do you mean, 'Not anymore'?"

"I haven't had one of those since I went to Azkaban," Harry admitted quietly, as if it were his fault. "I guess it was living with the Dementors for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds that killed every sexual thought in my body."

"Harry," Seamus said worried, "Don't say that. You don't know that for sure. It could just be in your mind or maybe you just aren't healthy enough for your body to support any sexual activity. Don't count yourself as a eunuch yet."

"I guess."

Seamus was becoming very afraid for his friend and asked the one question he really didn't want to know. "Harry, when the ministry sent you away, they didn't do anything to you to make unable to …"

Harry barely smiled, "Not that I am aware of. However, I am still aware of someone knocking on my back door. You wouldn't know who that would be, do you?"

Seamus smiled and said in a husky Irish accent, "Harry, I am a healthy young man; I can't help it if my body responds to yours."

"Well just so that you know, you can knock, but that doesn't mean you get to come in," Harry said cheekily. "Besides what are you doing in my bed anyway?"

"Well after last night, I thought I should stand guard over you in case someone tried to wake you up. You seemed really out of it after Quidditch and with the…" Seamus paused feeling guilty about not standing up with Harry, "…Banshees."

"Don't worry about it, I told you that yesterday. Besides from what I heard, Eppy is more than capable of handling anyone who wants to disturb me. However, that doesn't explain why you are naked."

Smiling wickedly, "Well you never know when you straight boys might give in."

Rolling his eyes, Harry mumbles, "I think I'm having another Darkmoore moment."

Just then, the two boys heard the door to their dormitory open up and two people attempt to creep in quietly. 'Attempt,' being the key phrase here as these two can't stop arguing long enough to catch their breath. It's amazing they can find the time to snog each other without arguing. If they were snogging that it, which they both claim they don't do.

"Hermione, I think we should do like the house elf said and leave Harry alone," whispered Ron.

"She's not here now and I want to talk to Harry. I am getting tired of this non-sense from him," the Head Girl whispered back.

Harry and Seamus just looked at each other and Harry suddenly had an idea. "Eppy," he whispered.

The elf popped onto the bed and said, "Yes Master Harry?"

Harry pulled off his t-shirt and whispered, "Can you change back into your leather outfit again? Ron and Hermione are out there getting ready to open the curtains. I want to give them a little surprise."

Grinning evilly the house elf nodded and snapped her fingers causing many things to happen inside the curtains to Harry's four poster bed.

Moments later Hermione opened the curtains to wake Harry and what she found caused both her and Ron to stand there with the mouths hanging open. Harry Potter was naked except for a black leather chest harness, silver nipple clamps connected by a thing silver chain, a black leather dog collar and a bright red ball gag in his mouth strapped to his bed by his hands and feet. Seamus was wearing the same thing except for the ball gag and licking Harry's stomach with Eppy standing at the foot of the bed with whip in hand.

"That is being it my little man bitches," cried Eppy as she cracked the whip. "You's is performing for your mistress Eppy good you's is! Eppy is feeling good and dirty…" the elf then touched herself suggestively "…down there."

Both Ron and Hermione screamed and bolted from the room letting the curtains fall shut again, leaving Harry and Seamus in fits of the giggles, well giggling as best you can with a bright red ball gag in your mouth.

x-x-x-x-x

Later that day, Harry went down to the Great Hall to have lunch. He had hardly eaten anything the day before and was quite hungry by now. Taking a seat at the Gryffindor table, Harry piled his plate full of food and starts eating with gusto.

"Harry."

Sighing Harry puts his knife and fork down and looks up, "Yes."

"I would like to talk to you about what happened yesterday. Facing a whole colony of Banshees and walking away unharmed is almost impossible."

Picking up his utensils, Harry began eating once more, ignoring the Headmaster in the process.

Sitting down beside him, Professor Dumbledore continues, "I really think we should go up to my office and talk about this."

Okay, a show of hands now, how many think that Harry is getting really pissed off? Hold still I'm counting.

Huffing and throwing down his fork, Harry turns to the Headmaster and says, "This is the first meal I have had since yesterday morning when I took the first bit of exercise I have had in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds, which almost exhausted me into a coma. Then I had to face a colony of Banshees and was doing alright until you interfered with me, which set them to wailing at me. And then I had to belt the lead bitch in the face to shut her up, which caused my hand to swell up. You didn't seem too concerned about me yesterday; otherwise someone who actually cared about me might have thought to send the school nurse to check on me to make sure I wasn't dead."

"I did try to check on you yesterday, but your house elf wouldn't let me see you."

"Really?" Harry asked sarcastically. "Because when I asked her this morning who had been by to check in on me or to see me, your name was not on that list. In fact none of the teachers' names were on that list except for Professor Langtree. You would think that my head of house or even the Headmaster, both of whom want my forgiveness, would have checked in on me. Hell, even the werewolf did not come near me."

"Professor Lupin."

"You've told to not correct me Uncle Fucker," snapped Harry.

Sighing the Headmaster continues, "There is another reason why I would like you to come to my office today Harry."

"Let me guess, McGonagall, Snape and Malfoy are all waiting up there waiting for you to tell me he's part Veela and wants me to be his mate, which will cause me to become pregnant with his love child. No, I don't think I want to have a Frizzy moment today, but thanks all the same."

"I don't know what you are talking about Harry," Dumbledore said, "However; I would like to talk to you about this bill I received for five hundred and thirty six barrels of butterbeer we received this week."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Who else would order that much," the Headmaster asked.

"Winky looked thirsty."

"I'm sure she did," Dumbledore replied with a twinkle in his eye. "But we shouldn't aid her in her addictions, it is harmful to her."

Harry smirked and asked, "Was that the only reason you wanted to see me in your office?"

"No, it isn't Harry. I do believe that Cornelius Fudge is waiting for us there to talk to you."

"No thanks."

"I believe it would be in your best interest to attend this meeting."

"He can talk to my solicitor if it's that important."

"Harry…"

"Fine," Harry said in mock disgust, "I'll fire call Mr. Graves and if he can come, then I will meet with the Minister of Magic. If he can't then I won't."

"If that's the best I can get, then I'll have to take it," the Headmaster replied as he got up. However, before he walked out of the Great Hall, Professor Dumbledore asked, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you not dress like a Muggle for the meeting?"

As Harry watched him leave, he started to plan. Oh what fun it was to be him these days.

x-x-x-x-x

Two hours later, Harry walked into the Headmaster's office with his wizarding solicitor, Algernon Graves. Harry was once again wearing his filthy Azkaban robes and looked the part of a pathetic malnourished prisoner, making the Minister of Magic's jaw drop at the sight of him as well as several Aurors who had accompanied the minister.

"Minister Fudge," Mr. Graves said happily upon entering the office.

"Algernon Graves," sputtered the incompetent head of government, "Whatever are you doing here?"

"Well, Mister Potter is my client and as his solicitor, I have every right to represent him in matters that deal with him in regards to your office. Wouldn't you agree Minister Fudge?"

Cornelius Fudge had no idea how to react to Graves and turned to Professor Dumbledore for guidance. However, what he saw when he turned to the aging Headmaster shocked him as Harry Potter, had walked silently up to him and crawled up into his lap and began cuddling the old man possessively.

"Albus? Harry?" the confused minister asked.

Even the Headmaster was looking befuddled as to Harry's actions toward him.

"Was I good boy to come like you told me to daddy?" Harry asked innocently, cuddling in even closer to the Headmaster.

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore," Algernon Graves said icily, "Is he being a good boy? Why is my client, who not even a week ago was writing me letters telling me how you were forcing him to remain in this castle, is now sitting in your lap and calling you 'daddy'?"

"I have no idea why Harry is doing this," Dumbledore said strongly and tried to stand up but Harry held tight and wouldn't budge.

"Sir?" one of the Auror's asked Minister Fudge. "We are here to investigate Potter's complaint that Professor Dumbledore knew of his innocence and allowed him to be sent to Azkaban anyway for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds, shouldn't we start to question him?"

"Yes," muttered the shocked wizard, "By all means go right ahead."

At his point both Mr. Graves and Minister Fudge took seats across from the Headmaster while one of the first Aurors walked around the desk to question Harry.

"Mr. Potter? I have some questions to ask you about your complaint."

Harry looked at the Auror and then up at Dumbledore and said, "Daddy, it is okay that I speak to the strange man? I know you don't like it when I do that because they might ask about our secrets."

"Secrets?" bellowed Algernon Graves in mock outrage. "What secrets would these be?"

"I have no idea," the Headmaster answered wearily, catching on quickly that Harry had a plan. "I think it would be best if Harry took a seat and answered the questions truthfully."

"No Daddy," cried Harry like a child. "You said I could sit on your lap whenever I wanted to. Should I undress like I did this morning and let the house elf whip me again?"

All of the Aurors in the room were shocked and event he Minister of Magic's eyes were wide with confusion. Algernon Graves just sat back and watched his client work the room.

"Whip him again?" one of the Aurors asked unpleasantly.

"I have no idea what he is talking about," Dumbledore said truthfully.

The first Auror continued again, "Mr. Potter, would you please tell me why you think Headmaster Dumbledore knew that you were innocent."

"He checked my wand and none of the spells that were used to kill Hagrid, Professor Trelawney, Percy Weasley, several house elves and that large three headed dog named Fluffy were there. He said it didn't matter, that I was getting far too independent for my own good and needed to be taught a lesson," Harry explained and cuddled more into Dumbledore's robes. "I'm sorry daddy, but I had to tell the truth. You still love me don't you?"

"I see," the first Auror said looking at the Headmaster with increasing dislike. However, he continued, "Mr. Potter, about the other complaints about a Ronald Weasley and a Hermione Granger destroying all of your personal property."

"Yes, they did it," Harry responded. "I'm suing them to reclaim monetary compensation for my losses. No one can bring back my photo album of my parents wedding. It was the only pictures I ever had of them. Daddy wouldn't let anyone near me to talk about them until Hagrid, sweet gentle Hagrid, gave me those few pictures. They were the only thing I ever had of them. I guess it doesn't matter, I never really knew them anyway." As Harry stopped speaking, he somehow forced a single tear to fall down his cheek.

"Yes, Harry, it does matter," Cornelius Fudge said from his chair. Then turning to one of the other Aurors he said, "Go find those two and place them under arrest and take them to a ministry holding cell until they can be given Veritiserum."

"Yes Sir."

"Cornelius, do you really think that is necessary?" Dumbledore asked as he finally managed to disentangle himself from Harry.

"Yes, I do Albus," barked the dim-witted public official.

The Headmaster sighed; there was nothing he could do for the two teens now.

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later, the Auror returned to the Headmaster's office with the arms Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger in each of his hands.

"Here they are Minister Fudge; I found them hiding in the library."

"We weren't hiding from you, we were studying," complained Hermione Granger, Head Girl.

"A likely excuse," barked Fudge. "I knew that you'd say something like that in order to try and get out of trouble."

"Professor Dumbledore," Hermione asked, "What is going on?"

"It seems Miss Granger," Dumbledore said as he cast a glance at the corner where Harry was standing, "that our young Mister Potter is being questioned by the Aurors present about his civil complaints against us. I do believe the Aurors wish to question the two of you in regards to an earlier statement Harry made."

Both Ron and Hermione looked nervous now and were looking at Harry hoping that he really wasn't going to send them to Azkaban as they had sent him. Harry looked back at them with a blank look on his face.

"Now Ms. Granger is it true that you and Mister Weasley here destroyed this list of Harry Potter's possessions?" asked the first Auror as he handed a list of items for Hermione to look at.

"Yes sir, it is," admitted Hermione, but taking a quick look from Harry to Ron and then back to Harry, she quickly amended, "However, I had nothing to do with the murder of Hedwig, Harry's pet owl."

"Hermione!"

"Well, I didn't Ron that was your doing and yours alone. You were the one who wrung her neck as you forced Harry watch helplessly."

As the Aurors and the two teenagers began lengthy questioning and explanations, Algernon Graves stealthily walked over to where Harry was standing and asked, "So Mister Potter, what do you have planned for an encore?"

"That depends," Harry answered quietly, "Did you make those purchases that I asked of you?"

"Most of them," the solicitor responded. "The main item on that list should be in your possession by tomorrow."

"Brilliant!"

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, after Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger had been questioned, they were taken back to Gryffindor Tower and put on restriction. Which was a nice way of saying they were under house arrest and couldn't leave the tower except to go to classes and the Great Hall to eat.

"Now Harry," Cornelius Fudge said in what he thought was a fatherly voice, "Why don't you sit down here and we can discuss the Order of Merlin that you have been nominated for."

"What about the Weasley's?" asked Harry innocently.

"What about them?"

"Sir," the first Auror interrupted, "I think he is referring to the claim he made against them about Arthur and Molly Weasley stealing gold from his Gringott's vault."

"Oh yes, I had forgotten about that," Minister Fudge said. "Now don't worry about that Harry, the goblins at the bank were very forth coming with the withdrawal records of your vault during your unfortunate incarceration."

"Unfortunate incarceration," barked Algernon Graves. "I would like to know how one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds of constant living with Dementors for a then sixteen year old boy can be considered as an unfortunate incarceration."

"If we had known at the time, this would not have happened," Fudge defended himself.

"Apparently the leader of the Wizengamont knew Fudge; shouldn't he have made that fact known to the rest of the wizarding world?" countered the solicitor.

"Mister Graves is correct there, Minister," one of the Aurors said. "Professor Dumbledore should have told us this if he had indeed known about it before hand."

Harry looked as pathetic as possible and said, "I guess I can put my memories in a pensieve, if it wouldn't be a bother for you to look at them."

"No, Harry, that will not be necessary," the Headmaster said in a sage like manner.

"Why is that _sir_?" the first Auror asked coldly.

"I really cannot see the point in forcing Harry to relive painful memories. As you can see he is suffering mentally from his time in Azkaban," the Headmaster said plainly, as if that were the end of things. "I'm afraid that my pensieve is being used by another today, so we would have to wait for him to use it another day."

"That isn't being a problem sir," Eppy said as she popped into the room. "Master Harry is buying one he is and it is being delivered just today." Then Eppy pulled up her pink skirt with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem that she had asked Harry to buy her, then groping herself shamelessly she pulled out a pensieve, revealing the red lacey thong she wore underneath.

Mr. Graves looked down at the house elf and winked at her. After all it was he who gave her the pensieve just before they entered Dumbledore's office. "Why thank you, that is just what we need right now. What a good and loyal servant you are."

Eppy blushed at the compliment and said, "It is being nothing sir. Eppy loves working for Master Harry. He is kind and gentle he is. He is buying Eppy this prettiful dress for me to wear so I's isn't being all naked. He was worried that I might be cold and get sick." Then with a trembling lower lip, Eppy began to wail, "Master Harry is being the bestest of masters, he is. He is being too wonderful and they is treating him so mean and hateful." Then with tears pouring from her eyes, Eppy continued, "They is making him take off all his clothes in classrooms and all day yesterday he is bed sick and Eppy was so worried that he would die."

"Sick?" the first Auror asked. "Mister Potter, were you sick yesterday?"

"It was nothing," Harry mumbled.

"It was not being nothing," cried Eppy. "Eppy was watching as Master Harry fought off a whole colony of Banshees by hisself. No one was helping him and he was all alone." Then Eppy turned on Dumbledore with tears still streaming down her little face and screamed, **"AND YOU'S WAS JUST STANDING THERE WATCHING HOPING THAT THEY IS KILLING MY POOR MASTER HARRY! YOU'S IS NOT CARING A LICK FOR MY WONDERFUL MASTER HARRY!"**

"Thank you Eppy, I think that'll be enough," Mr. Graves said quietly.

Eppy turned to him with a big toothy grin, no longer crying and said, "Okay," and popped away again.

The room fell silent and Harry stood there with his head down and stared at the carpet trying his best not to laugh and still look pathetic.

"Mister Potter," the first Auror said quietly. "Did you really face a whole colony of Banshees yesterday?"

Harry nodded.

"All alone?"

Harry nodded again.

"Professor Dumbledore knew about this and did not help you at all?"

Harry nodded for a third time.

"Now see here Dumbledore," Cornelius Fudge cried. "What is the meaning of this? I thought that you had the boy's best interest when you lobbied for that faux law to be passed concerning him."

"I have always had Harry's best interests in mind Cornelius," the Headmaster said calmly.

"You have a funny way of showing it," one of the junior Aurors said.

"Yes, I quite agree," Algernon Graves said curtly.

The first Auror chose to speak again, "Now that Mister Potter's elf brought him this pensieve, perhaps we can see what he has been talking about." Turning to Harry, he continued in a friendly manner, "Do you know how to use a pensieve?"

"I've never used one, but I've seen it done before."

Smiling the first Auror said, "It's easy, just think of the memory you want us to see and then place your wand to your temple and it will pull the memory from your mind and drop it into the bowl."

"Okay," Harry said and sat on the floor with the pensieve in his lap and pulled out the memories and placed them in the bowl for them to look at and review. After he had finished Harry handed to bowl to the Auror and everyone gathered around it to witness the scene from the beginning of Harry's sixth year unfold.

Ten minutes later, all of the Aurors and the Minister of Magic stood up and looked at the Headmaster.

"You knew," Fudge said looking at Dumbledore.

The Headmaster sighed and said, "Yes, I did, but I had my reasons for hiding it."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Author's Note: I normally don't do this but I wanted everyone to understand something. I am not making all the characters gay. The only one who is gay so far is Seamus Finnigan, who is in love with Harry. Harry is straight and Eppy is a girl elf, who happens to like dressing up like a dominatrix with a whip. It's so rare to find one of those isn't it?_

_I was asked why I know so much about the sexual devises I've been mentioning in my story, and the answer is simple, my reviewers tell me these things. Some ask why I did or didn't use something and other gives me suggestions. So I guess there are a lot of sex maniacs reading my story._

_As you know, Darkmoore wrote "Harry Potter and the Veela That Wouldn't Go Away" which is located at this website. Look it up, his stories are pretty good._

_Frizzy wrote a story called "Magnetic Attraction," which I believe is the first Draco as a Veela story out there. All the Veela stories that have come after are all her inspiration, even mine to a small degree. She used to be at this website, but they actually banned her if you can believe it. She has a yahoo group now, but I have no idea what its name is. _


	10. Chapter Ten

_You know something? As much as you all tell me how much you are laughing because of my story, I think I'm getting a bigger kick out of reading your reviews. Which are fabulous and funny! I have been rolling on my floor laughing so hard at what you have to say about my chapters. Thanks a lot; I really needed to hear that!_

**Chapter Ten**

"You knew?" bellowed the Minister of Magic.

"Yes, Cornelius, I did indeed know the truth."

"But why," sputtered the incompetent government leader.

Sighing, the Headmaster sat back in the chair behind his desk and began to explain. "Well, it all started the summer before Harry's sixth year here at Hogwarts began. Sybil Trelawney and I were in a meeting about her becoming the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, when she suddenly gave another prophesy concerning Harry. In this prophesy she predicted that Harry must suffer for exactly one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in order for him to be able to destroy Voldemort forever."

Almost everyone in the room flinched at the mention of the dark wizard. Harry didn't. Harry never flinched at his name. Harry wasn't afraid neither of him nor of anything else. However, what Harry was feeling was a growing anger towards the Headmaster.

"Did she say how my client was supposed to suffer Dumbledore?" Mr. Graves asked.

"No, she did not mention that aspect of Harry's suffering in her prophesy," the Headmaster replied, "Just that he was to suffer."

"So that's why you made her the new Defense teacher," Harry said in a tempered voice. "How very Cat Calls of you."

Everyone in the room looked to Harry not understanding a word of what he had just said. However, they all waved it off and went back to the conversation at hand.

"Why did you pick for my client to go to Azkaban?" snarled Mr. Graves angrily. "He could have suffered in a multitude of other ways and from he's told me he has repeatedly at your hand over the years."

Albus Dumbledore sighed wearily, "I know that he had to suffer in order for the world to be rid of Voldemort. It was a decision that I have had to live with ever since."

"But you weren't the one who had to suffer," Harry said coldly. "You weren't the one who had to be damned to be your precious weapon."

"Weapon?"

"Yes, Minister, his weapon," Harry replied blankly. "I'm sure he would be happy to explain it to you how he used me my entire life to fight this little turf war of his." Then he turned to leave the office, he had enough of this, of the Headmaster, of the school and of the wizarding world. Harry was suddenly tired of the whole thing and wanted to find some peace and quiet for himself now.

"Harry, where are you going?" asked the Headmaster.

"I am tired of all of you and I am going to bed."

x-x-x-x-x

Some time later, Harry wearily returned to Gryffindor Tower. He was depressed and really didn't care about anything anymore, not even if he lived or died. Dumbledore had actually admitted what he had done and in front of the Aurors and Fudge. That should have made him happy, but it didn't.

"There you are," scolded Hermione Granger, Head Girl. "We need to talk to you Harry."

"Why?"

"Because we are under house arrest that's why!" she scolded further. "Do you have any idea what that's like? DO YOU?"

Hmmm, let's think about that boys and girls. Do you think Harry might know what its like to be placed in confinement against his will? Let's take a vote shall we? Then again, this would be the one thing to get Harry out of his funk.

Frowning, Harry looked at the bossy young woman and said, "Do I know what it's like to be arrested and confined for an indefinite amount of time? I guess not according to you." Then Harry brushed past her toward the boys' dorms as everyone else in the common room backed away slowly.

"Harry James Potter! You come back here and answer me."

Harry stopped and turned to face her. He was really not in the mood for this and wanted to simply go to his dorm room and have a nice nap. However, he wasn't going to get to it seemed.

"Hermione," Ron said abruptly, "Stop it. I need to talk to Harry also."

Sighing Harry said, "What do you want Weasley."

"Well, you see, I've been authorized by my parents to offer you a substitute for the money my mum withdrew from your account," Ron said in a quiet voice, so no one else could hear.

"YOU MEAN THE GOLD YOUR MOTHER STOLD FROM ME RIGHT?" Harry responded loudly, so that everyone could hear it. "Just what does your parents think can equal the trust and love that they ripped form my heart along with the gold from my vault?"

"Ginny's hand in marriage."

Everyone in the common room was suddenly silent, especially Harry.

"WHAT?"

Everyone turned to look at the youngest Weasley. Apparently this was news to her.

"Mum and Dad are doing what?" she demanded angrily.

"Well, I was gonna tell you Gin, but I never got around to it," Ron said lamely.

"Never got around to it?" she said with anger bubbling up inside of her.

"Apparently they are whoring your arse out to save their own. The betrayals never seem to end do they?" Harry said sarcastically.

"You are a **LIAR**!" Ginny roared at her brother. "I'm going to write mum and find out the truth." Then the red-headed girl stormed out of the common room and up to her dorm to write the letter.

Harry yelled up after her, "I'd let you borrow Hedwig, but she's dead."

x-x-x-x-x

A few moments after Ginny disappeared up the girl's stairwell; Harry did the same up and went to the top of Gryffindor Tower and to the seventh year boys' dormitory room. Opening the door he heard Eppy talking to someone.

"Now, you's is waiting here, Master Harry will be up shortly. He is kicking some arse right now he is."

The person Eppy was speaking to smiled and took a seat on Harry's trunk and began to wait.

Harry entered the room and looked over his unknown guest. Smiling one of the few true smile for the first time in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds he walked over to his guest and said, "I didn't realize that you'd be here tonight."

"Really?" the guest asked. "I would have come sooner if I had known too."

"Alright then, let's get started."

x-x-x-x-x

Monday morning found Harry Potter sitting at the Gryffindor table eating his breakfast with his dorm mates, Neville, Dean and Seamus watching for the owl post to arrive.

"What are you watching for Harry?" Seamus asked in his sexy Irish accent. "Another love howler for Ron and Hermione?"

Harry smiled and said, "I never do the same prank four times."

The other three snickered in appreciation as the first owl found its way into the Great Hall, followed by many more. Most of the arriving owls had copies of the Daily Prophet for the students and teachers of the school. In fact a great tawny owl landed in the butter in front of Harry to deliver a copy of paper. Harry relieved the owl of its burden and unrolled it as the owl took off again.

"Anything good in the paper this morning?" asked Neville as he spied the look of glee on Harry's face.

Smirking, Harry replied, "Maybe." Then tossing the paper over to them the other three begin reading the headline of the paper.

**_Boy-Who-Lives Speaks Out in an Exclusive Interview_**

_By Rita Skeeter_

_Last night in an exclusive interview with the Boy-Who-Lived, this reporter can officially inform you that Harry Potter is not happy with his life the way it is now. It seems that after being barraged by insulting demands to be forgiven from the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore admitted to Cornelius Fudge and a room full of witnesses that he did indeed knew for a fact that Harry Potter was innocent of the crimes he was accused._

_It seems that the leader of the most prestigious school of magical learning in Great Britain and the head of the Wizengamont and member of the International Confederation of Wizards has covered up the true identity of the murderer who killed Hogwarts teachers, Rubeus Hagrid and Sybil Trelawney as well as Ministry of Magic worker Percy Weasley. There have been rumors of accusations that Albus Dumbledore himself committed the murders that Harry Potter was convicted of. However, these rumors were quickly denied by several high ranking officials at the Ministry of Magic._

_However, a ministry insider let it slip that Cornelius Fudge is personally investigating these rumors and has his eye on Albus Dumbledore in regards to Harry Potter, who has been forced against his will to return to Hogwarts at the insistence of the Headmaster. One does wonder why Dumbledore, who has been referred to as a 'barmy old codger' by even his closest supporters, would insist that the Boy-Who-Lived return to the school when he clearly should have been sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies for severe malnutrition and psychological trauma after spending one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in the care of the Dementors of Azkaban prison._

_In a private interview taken just last night in the dormitory room at the top of Gryffindor Tower, Harry Potter confided in myself, Rita Skeeter, the witty and styling crusader for the truth, that since returning to the school he has faced trial after trial on almost a daily basis. Not only was our savior forced to return to school before he was physically ready for it, but the Headmaster was attempting to force him to take two years worth of N.E.W.T. courses, which would have driven any sane person into an early grave._

"_Not only that," said a weary seventeen year old boy, "but he didn't even give me my wand when I returned to the castle. I had to try and perform magic without it, which was impossible." Then as he slouched into his chair, he continued, "But I think the worst bit was when I had to face a whole colony of Banshees all alone. I survived the encounter, but if it weren't for my dorm mates and a kind house elf, I don't think I would have gotten through the night. Dumbledore knew what had happened and never once did he send the school nurse to check on me. I could have died and I don't think he would have cared."_

_As the silent tears fell down the face of this brave soul, he was not finished with his sad tale. "I think I could have lived with the treatment I received from the Headmaster, but to be forced to live day in and day out with the two people who betrayed me the most in the world, my two former best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger." For those readers who do not know who these two young people are, see page seven, in the article titled, "The Betrayers of Harry Potter."_

_Pulling himself together, the savior of the wizarding world continued bravely like the true Gryffindor he is, "Before I was sent away, they took all of my possessions and burned them up. Everything I ever owned gone, burned to ashes. I could always replace the clothes and books of course. But the loss of my photo album, I don't think I can ever get over that loss. I never knew my parents and it contained the only pictures I ever had of them. Most were from their wedding. They looked so happy that day. I have a picture ... I mean I had a picture of my dad picking my mum up and twirling her around the dance floor. They looked so happy together. I know I'll never be that happy, who'd want me after all. I'm just an ex-convict and a murderer."_

_For further details about Albus Dumbledore and his secrets actions against the Ministry of Magic as well as his forming of a secret society of witches and wizards that were spying on various prominent members of wizarding society see page ten. For further details concerning the careers of murder victims, Rubeus Hagrid, Percy Weasley and Sybil Trelawney see page fourteen. Lastly for details concerning the offer of an arranged marriage to the family that embezzled thousands of galleons from Harry Potter's personal vault, see page seventeen._

Together, Neville, Dean and Seamus looked up at Harry who was smiling at them.

"Harry, are you alright?" Neville asked calmly, not knowing what was going to come out of Harry's mouth after reading the article.

Harry shrugged, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"What arranged marriage?" demanded Seamus. "Which one of these bitches thinks she gets to come and in treat you like a sex object?"

"Uh…" Harry said, not knowing where this was coming from. "Seamus, I'm not gay you know. There's no need to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous," Seamus said, though no one believed him. "Which on is it? I'll hex her arse right off I will."

"Well, it's Ginny Weasley, but I don't think she's in on the deal. She seemed pretty shocked when she learned of it," Harry said, by way of explanation.

"What do you mean, 'learned of it,' mate?" Dean asked as he grabbed Seamus' wand away from him.

"Weasley told me last night that instead of repaying the gold he and his parents owe me from their stealing and destroying my personal property, they want to give me Ginny instead."

"WHAT?" all three boys said at once?

"Harry, mate, are you joking?" asked Neville with a gob-smacked look on his face.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Harry replied sarcastically. "Of all the things I could pick to joke about, do you think that I would pick that?"

"Normally, I would say 'no', but they way you've been behaving lately, I wouldn't put anything past you," Dean said and Neville and Seamus snickered. Harry just rolled his eyes, knowing that it was true.

x-x-x-x-x

As Harry and his three (and only) friends were leaving they were stopped by the Headmaster. "Harry, I would like to talk to you."

"What about today?" Harry said coldly. "We talk almost every day and you never say anything different."

"You still haven't heard the message I am trying to convey to you, Harry. You need to…"

Harry cut him off, "Stop. You know I think Wren Truesong said it best in her review and I quote, 'Albus Dumbledore, you cold-hearted manipulative hypocritical son of a one-legged whore and a scorpion-tailed camel with SYPHILIS! You DARE to lecture Harry about forgiveness and healing the soul? Pay your OWN sins first, man!' I don't think she likes you very much."

"Review?" the Headmaster asked. "Harry I am becoming quite concerned for you, you keep mentioning people that who don't even know repeatedly and situations that would never happen."

"Yeah? And?"

The Headmaster looked grave and said, "I fear that you may be mentally damaged from your stay in Azkaban. I think we may have to send you off to St. Mungo's for the long term care you seem to need."

Harry shook his head while the other looked horrified. "Nice try Uncle Fucker, but Mr. Graves already thought about that and has put certain precautions in place, so you and the others are still going to have to face the consequences in court."

Dumbledore looked at Harry sadly and to be honest rather unhappy as well. However, he decided that this was not going to his advantage and began to walk away from the Gryffindors.

"Oh by the way," Harry called out to him, causing the Headmaster to pause. "As of this morning I own controlling interest in the Daily Prophet, so you can expect reporters and photographers to be here at the school all the time now, watching your every move."

The Headmaster however, continued on to his destination.

"Is that true Harry?"

"Yeah Neville, it is. I feel just like Alexis Colby now."

Neville looked confused as Dean and Seamus snickered.

Harry explained, "She's a real bitch on Muggle television that takes a lot of baths and has lots of fights in the mud with blonde haired people."

x-x-x-x-x

"Potter!"

"Oh hell," Harry muttered under his breath. Turning he said, "What is it Malfoy?"

"Poor pathetic little Potty," the Slytherin sneered in delight, "All alone in the hallway with no one here to help him."

Crabbe and Goyle snickered in appreciation behind Malfoy.

"In case you've not noticed Dung-for-brains, I've been all alone for some time now," Harry replied snidely. "Not very observant are you?"

Smirking, Malfoy said, "I can _observe_ that you are outnumbered three to one. I can also _observe_ that you are about to get your arse kicked."

"You think so?"

"Yeah," Malfoy said as his two goons flexed their muscles threateningly.

Smiling, Harry said, "Well I have only one thing to say to that."

"What's that scar-head?"

"Eppy!"

"What?" Malfoy asked, not understanding what the name meant. However, he failed to hear the small popping sound as the little elf appeared in the corridor.

"Yes, Master Harry, did you's call for your Eppy?"

"Yes I did," Harry replied to the elf. "Malfoy and his two man-bitches are threatening me again."

Malfoy smirked and got right into Harry's face. "So this is what you are reduced to Potter? Hiding behind a house elf dressed like a baby doll? And you defeated the Dark Lord? I …"

Crack went the whip followed by two great thuds which interrupted Malfoy's tirade. Both Harry and Malfoy turned to see the house elf was no longer dressed in her pretty little pink dress with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem, but rather in a black leather cat suit, high stiletto heeled boots and a black leather eye mask with a whip in her hand. Eppy was standing with one foot firmly on Goyle's chest and the other on his forehead.

"Mistress Eppy is thinking that you's is being very mean to my Master Harry," Eppy said and cracked the whip again causing Malfoy's eye's to bulge in fear.

Chuckling, Harry said, "I think you'll find that Eppy isn't like most house elves."

Malfoy very quickly turned tail and screamed and ran for it. However, he didn't get very far as he heard the whip crack again and then fell to the floor bloodying his nose in the process. Looking back, Malfoy saw that the end of Eppy's whip was wrapped around his ankle and the elf was advancing on him rather quickly.

"Mistress Eppy is thinking you's is needing a lesson in manners," she said evilly causing Malfoy to gulp.

"Eppy?" asked Harry.

"Yes Master Harry?" the elf responded not looking away from Malfoy.

"May I watch?"

"Only if you's is thinking you can handle it."

Harry smiled and Malfoy gulped again.

x-x-x-x-x

"Harry?" Neville asked as he sat down to lunch in the Great Hall. "Where were you this morning? We lost track of you after breakfast."

"Oh, I had a little run in with Malfoy and his goons," Harry said as Seamus and Dean sat down also.

"Are you okay mate?"

Smiling Harry said, "Oh yeah, I'm great."

Snickering, the three Gryffindors were relieved and Seamus asked, "So what did you do to them?"

With a look of mock offence, Harry said, "What makes you think I did anything to them? I'll have you know I didn't lift a finger against them."

"Uh-huh," all three said together.

"It was Eppy," Harry admitted and then told them what happened that morning which caused Neville to guffaw in laughter and then they all looked over at the Slytherin table to see how Malfoy and his two henchmen looked. However, they were missing from the table.

Turning back to Harry, Neville asked, "Oh, Harry, where are they?"

"Um," Harry sputtered for a moment, "I don't know. Why do you ask?"

"Because they are missing and you look like the Hippogriff that ate the cat," Dean added in and all three snickered again at Harry.

"Well, I have absolutely no idea," Harry said in mock disbelief. Okay is anyone buying this, because I'm sure not. I mean really did we read page one of his chapter?

"Uh-huh," all three said together.

Harry smiled and said, "However, if I were to guess, then I might suggest the hospital wing. But that's only a guess you see?"

"Uh-huh," all three said together and then started snickering yet again.

x-x-x-x-x

After lunch was over with Harry found himself sighing in utter disbelief as he found himself in the back of the Transfiguration class room again. He so did not want to be there.

"Now class," Professor McGonagall addressed the class in her usual stern manner, "Next term we are going to be studying human transfiguration. I know that some of you wanted to try and become animagi and this will be your opportunity to begin studying it."

The stern woman looked over to Harry hoping that he might at least be interesting in this course of study and remain in the castle. Harry gave no reaction to what she had said.

She continued, "Now as we still have another week of classes before the term ends, I want you all to think about what kind of animal would suit you best. Remember the best animal to transform into will be one that suits your personality the best."

Hermione Granger, Head Girl, raised her hand to ask a question, "Professor, what do you mean by 'best suits out personality'?"

"Well, take yourself for instance. You don't care too much for flying on a broom, so I dare say that attempting to transfigure yourself into a bird that flies would be a waste of time."

The Head Girl nodded in understanding.

At this point Harry spoke up. "I think Granger should try to transform into a dog."

"Really Potter," Professor McGonagall asked in delight that he was participating. "Why do you think she should try that animal? Also what breed of dog should she attempt do you think?"

"I wouldn't know which breed would be best, that's for her to decide but I would suggest a large one. As for Granger being a dog in general, well I thought that would have been obvious. She's already one of the biggest bitches in the school."

x-x-x-x-x

That evening at dinner, Harry was sitting with his three mates when he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. Harry turned and smiled at his tapper.

"Hey Luna."

"Hello Harry," she replied in a dreamy sort of voice. "Would you mind if we joined you this evening?"

"Sure," Harry said and then realized what she had said. "We? Who is with you?"

"Ginny is," Luna replied as if it of course the most natural thing to do and Ginny sat down also, looking a little nervous.

"Weasley," Harry said curtly to her as she sat. "Or should I call you my fiancé now?"

Ginny shuddered.

"What's the matter? Don't you want to be the next Mrs. Potter?" asked Harry suddenly curious.

"Truthfully, Harry," Luna interjected, "Ginny doesn't want to marry you."

"Good," Seamus muttered but everyone heard it anyway.

"Not that I'm dying to marry her either, but why not?"

"Because I do not like the idea of my parents selling me off in marriage like it was still the Middle Ages," Ginny said forcefully. "I know now that mum took that gold from your vault, but I had nothing to do with it. I thought it came from the Ministry due to Percy's death. I had no idea that she was sneaking into your vaults and taking what wasn't ours."

Taking a drink from his goblet, Harry asks, "So what do you think about all of this Luna?"

"Well, of course, I think that you two shouldn't be married. I don't think you would well suited to one another. Also I think you should forgive her Harry."

Harry scowled at the Ravenclaw.

Luna, however, continued as if he hadn't, "But I also think she should ask for your forgiveness humbly first. I'd hate to see her be punished by you like her _brother_ and our esteemed _Head Girl_."

Harry was slightly shocked to hear Luna talk about them that way. At one time Harry knew her to have a little crush on his former best friend.

Taking a deep breath Ginny began, "Harry I am terribly sorry for everything that happened to you before you were sent to Azkaban and I am so sorry you had to endure the hardship you did there for the one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds you were in there. But I also hope that you know that I had nothing to do with those terrible things Ron and Hermione and the members of the Order did to you. Please forgive me."

Harry looked down thinking about what she had said. Ginny had spoken the truth, she had done nothing against him, but forgiveness was so hard to do and anger was something he was getting far too comfortable with. Harry wasn't sure what he was going to say to her when he felt Seamus' hand begin to rub small circles between his shoulder blades. It wasn't a romantic gesture, but it did feel nice to have someone be there when he needed it.

"I forgive you," Harry whispered looking up.

Ginny broke into a grin and her eyes were wet from unshed tears. Luna however, just smiled dreamily as if she knew this was what was going to happen all along.

"So," Harry said, breaking the silence, "What do your other brothers think about you becoming my wife?"

"I don't think they even know yet."

Grinning evilly, Harry said, "Then I think past time to tell them, don't you?"

"Now?" asked Ginny.

"No time like the present," Harry said with a grin and then called for, "Eppy?"

Then with a pop the house elf appeared once again in her little pink dress with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem. "Yes Master Harry, is you's being calling for Eppy?"

"Yes, I did, do you have parchment and a quill? We need to write some letters," Harry asked.

"Of course Eppy is having them," she responded and lifted her skirt up and began groping herself. "Now I is putting it in here somewhere."

As she searched things began to fall out of her skirt. A pair of shoes, some red wool mittens, nipple clamps, a man's black leather chest harness, an empty bottle of butterbeer, a feather duster, a china tea service with a silver platter, a wooden paddle covered in leather with the word 'Spank' written in silver studs and a little pink diary with 'Hello Kitty' on the cover.

Ginny's and Luna's eyes were as large as saucers as they watched all those things fall out of her skirt.

"She packs quite an arsenal doesn't she?" Seamus said as he watched the two girls.

"Here it is being Master Harry," declared the elf as she handed Harry the things he asked for. Then she gathered up the things that fell out and popped away.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Cat Calls, for those of you who do not know, wrote a really good fiction called "Harry Potter and Dumbledore's Army," which can be found at this bat station. In this story Trelawney became the new Defense teacher and drove Harry crazy with her inability to actually teach the subject._

_Wren Truesong is a reviewer of mine and she is a writer at this bat channel. I haven't gotten around to reading anything she's written, but I loved what she said in her review of the last chapter and used it in this one. I guess this means I'm satirizing my reviewers now. Is that bad?_

_Also, Eppy would like for me to remind you that she is still watching for people who are reading and not reviewing. She said that many of you is behaving and not needing to be whipped, but some of you is needing to be reminded. Please do as she says, I already have to sit on a pillow from the marks she put on my bum._

_To a certain review who suggested that Sybil Trelawney died due to an orgy with Hagrid… EEEEWE! Even Eppy stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala" when she read that one._


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Harry woke suddenly from a bad dream. He'd been starting to have them after he returned to castle. Every time he woke up he was sure that Voldemort was trying to break into his mind once again, but then he would remember that the dark wizard was dead. However, these weren't the kind of visions Voldemort would send to him either, these were memories. There were memories of his time in Azkaban.

Harry was sitting up in bed panting slightly and had droplets of perspiration on his face, but feeling terribly cold at the same time, like when a Dementor would crawl up inside your mind and make you remember terrible things. Harry felt very alone and very afraid and he hated both of those feelings.

Suddenly the curtains to his four poster bed opened and Seamus was standing there with a concerned look on his face. "You alright mate?"

"Yeah," Harry said looking away. "Sorry I woke you."

Smiling Seamus sat down on Harry's bed and said, "You didn't, I was just coming back from the loo."

"Oh."

"Are you really okay, Harry?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you look like death warmed over," Seamus said as he gently stroked Harry cheek with his hand. Unconsciously Harry closed his eyes and leaned into his hand; craving the warmth it provided to push back the bad dreams of coldness and loneliness. "Well, I think I know what you need."

"What's that," Harry asked wearily looking up at him again.

Seamus didn't answer but pulled his shirt off and crawled into bed with Harry.

"Um, Seamus?"

Still not answering, Seamus simply wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him back down unto the bed into a sleeping position.

"Um, Seamus?"

Chuckling Seamus finally replied, "Don't worry Harry, I'm just going to hold you. The last time I did I noticed that you slept better. I don't mind."

Shaking his head, Harry replied, "And the last time you did I woke up with something poking me in the back."

"Okay," Seamus said huskily, "It's a win-win situation for everyone. Besides you might decide you like."

Sighing, Harry pushing his face into his pillow and quietly says, "I've been thinking about that."

"You have?"

"Yeah."

"Anything you want to tell me Harry?"

"Well, with the Weasleys trying to sell Ginny to me in marriage I started thinking about how I wouldn't be able to … you know, be with her like a husband should. It wouldn't be fair to her and I would never be able to have children. I always thought I'd have kids. Someone to teach to fly a broom like my dad never got the chance to."

"Harry you don't have to marry Ginny and I'm willing to bet that they are only betrothing her to you to get out of the fact they stole money from you," Seamus said sympathetically.

"Maybe," Harry said sadly. "I was thinking that since I probably won't be able to be a man like I always thought I would be, maybe I should just let you bugger me. That way at least someone could get something out of it, but then I can't help but think that it wouldn't be fair to you either. Like I was letting you down by not enjoying it."

"Stop it Harry. You don't know that you won't be able to function again properly because you haven't been to see Madam Pomfrey."

"Like I want her reporting everything to Dumbledore."

Laughing Seamus said, "Harry, I think you're turning into a girl. You need to sleep."

"I guess."

x-x-x-x-x

The next morning when everyone had cleaned up for the day, Seamus dragged Harry to the infirmary to see about his problem.

"Seamus, I told you I do not want to do this."

"Yes and I'm ignoring you."

"Damn horny Irishmen," Harry muttered under his breath as they entered Madam Pomfrey's domain.

"Gentlemen, is there something I can do for you," the nurse asked as soon as they entered.

"Yes, NO!" they said together.

"Yes," Seamus said giving Harry a look. "Harry here has a problem from being in Azkaban and I think he should be checked over to make sure about it."

"Well, I should think from all the stories I've heard since your return to the castle, you should have been by to see me long before now," the nurse said waspishly.

Okay, let's review, Harry doesn't want to be here and she just snapped at him for it. This is now the time for everyone to get out of their seats, put down the drinks and unbutton their pants and sit on the floor.

Very irritated Harry looked at her and said, "Well, it's not like you came to check up on me when I was out getting the first bit of exercise I had in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. I was so exhausted from just riding my broom; I almost fell off of it. It's not like you came to check up on me when I returned to the castle if you were so bleeding concerned about my damned health. I was and still am malnourished and have said so repeatedly. Do you honestly think dirty water and cold gruel is a proper diet for a growing teenager? Or were you so wrapped up in Dumbledore's half arse plan to force me to forgive everyone for betraying me and putting there to begin with that you forgot to do your sodding job?"

"MISTER POTTER!" snapped the school nurse. "I have never done anything to you but mend you every time you went out on some damned fool crusade to be a hero. If you never came to see me, then it's not my responsibility to force you to."

"STOP IT!" bellowed Seamus. "Get back to your kennels bitches!"

Madam Pomfrey looked shocked by the Irish students outburst and Harry just looked like Harry when he's on a 'must punish my enemies' high.

"Now he **IS IN** your infirmary now, granted I had to drag him here, but Harry is here none the less and is in need of some healing, which **IS** your job as he pointed out," Seamus said like a mothering hen to her chicks. Turning to Harry he continued, "Now you are going to sit down on one of those beds and let her check her over," then turning to the elderly witch said, "and you are going to check him and not go running off to tell the Headmaster anything or **I **am going to write to the Board of Governors and tell them you let Harry lay up in Gryffindor Tower all weekend weaker than a new born Kneazle after facing a whole colony of Banshees and did nothing about it when the whole school was talking about it."

Harry looked impressed while the school nurse looked shocked.

"Very well then Potter lets get this over with."

Harry let himself be pushed towards the bed as Seamus mouthed, 'Your welcome.'

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table picking at his breakfast.

"Come on Harry, it isn't that bad," Seamus said consolingly.

"You didn't have to drink that potion nor do you have to go see Snape about brewing some more."

Neville, Dean, Ginny and Luna, who was sitting with them this morning, all looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" Neville asked.

"Seamus forced me to go see Madam Pomfrey this morning and I had to drink five very foul tasting nutrition potions because I seem to be malnourished," Harry said with distaste.

"Well," Luna said, "Anyone can see that you need fattening up. Unless, of course, you are trying to look like a Liveratel Hangeron walking corpse."

"A what?" everyone asked.

Shaking her head, Ginny said, "Never mind that, what happened in the infirmary?"

"Nothing," Harry muttered.

"She said Harry had to start taking daily nutrition potions and had to ask Professor Snape to brew them especially for him so that they would be the best matched to his nutrition needs."

"I really hate you right now," Harry muttered darkly.

Seamus ignored him and continued, "Anyway, after she pronounced her commandment and Harry whined about it, she got him to promise to talk to Snape about it."

"You know that conversation we had this morning?" Harry asked. "Well, I changed my mind, you can't have any."

Seamus laughed and everyone looked confused.

"Does anyone understand this conversation?" Dean asked.

"Bits and pieces of it."

However, before anyone could continue talking about Harry or a Liveratel Hangeron walking corpse the Great Hall was beginning to fill with the sounds of hundreds of owls making their morning deliveries and once again Harry seemed to be receiving more than his fair share of letters.

"Not again," Harry frowned. "Eppy! Dobby!"

Two house elves popped in and took a look around them.

"Oh, Master Harry why is you's always getting all this mail?"

"I don't know, but let's start opening them and beware of boobertoober puss," Harry said as he began opening letters along with everyone the elves and his friends.

A few minutes passed and repeated ripping open of envelopes.

"OH MASTER HARRY! LOOK! LOOK!" Eppy cried out as she handed Harry a package.

Harry took the package and began looking through it. Then a tight knot formed in his chest and he found himself unable to speak. Harry was flipping through a package full of pictures of his parents. Some were from the wedding; some were from when they were students at Hogwarts and others were some that Harry himself had never seen before, his very first birthday party.

"You see Master Harry there is still some good witches and wizards in the world still," Eppy said. "This is being good, because that is meaning that all the bad ones are here for me to punish for you."

Harry smiled and continued to look at the photographs.

x-x-x-x-x

Harry and the other three Gryffindor boys walked into the Charms classroom a short time later. There waiting on them was Eppy wearing her little pink dress with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem.

"Eppy?" asked Harry. "What are you doing here?"

"I's is thinking I's is needing to be educated, Master Harry," the elf replied as she plunged her hand up under her skirt and began fishing for something.

"Eppy," Harry said as he looked around knowing that the other students would find this action to be dirty, "What are you doing?"

"I's is looking for my special notebook," she replied and then pulled out her Hello Kitty diary and a self inking quill. "Ah there it is being."

"Well, let's sit down before class starts okay."

"Okay Master Harry," she replied as Professor Flitwick walked into the room and spotted something lying on the floor near Harry.

"Mister Potter," the tiny teacher asked cheerfully, "Is this magazine yours?"

Harry looked at it and was confused as he looked at the cover of the catalog. 'Personal Neck Massagers?' Harry thought, 'Where did this come from?'

"Oh, that is being mine it is," Eppy said as she took it from Harry.

Professor Flitwick giggled and went to the front of the classroom.

"Eppy? Why do you have that catalog?"

"Oh, no reason Master Harry," Eppy replied as she quickly stuffed the catalog in her skirt.

Harry heard Seamus snicker and looked to his dorm mate. Seamus looked Harry in the eye and made a buzzing sound and rubbed his … well I think many of you can guess where this is going. You know, down there. Wink, wink!

Harry immediately looked to Eppy who was blushing.

Sudden realization hit Harry and he quickly squeezed his eyes shut and stuck his fingers in his ears and began chanting, "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!"

x-x-x-x-x

On his way into the Great Hall for lunch, Harry is stopped by someone he would rather kiss the yellowing teeth of Severus Snape than talk to.

"Harry, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Sighing Harry says, "Very well, what do you want?"

Wringing his hands slightly, Remus Lupin looks nervous and begins to speak. "Harry, I've been putting a lot of thought into our situation and I feel it would be best, with your consent of course, that I become your new godfather."

Harry just stared at him. 'Was he serious?' Harry thought. Then he realized something very important, he was serious, but he wasn't Sirius.

Finally, after an impregnated pause, Harry simply says, "No."

Looking defeated Lupin tries again. "Harry, I know that you are still angry with me for the way things happened between us during your trial, but there was nothing I could do to help you."

"So instead you belittle me and took away the only support I had during that dark time? How very brave of you. Where was that fierce werewolf instinct to protect members of his pack? To protect his cub? Isn't that what you used to call me, your cub? You've not called me that once since I've returned from hell."

"Albus said it would be best for me not to."

Harry smirked, "Well that's the first thing he's said about me this year that he got right."

Professor Lupin smiled thinking that Harry's humorous remark might allow him to allow the werewolf back into his heart. Okay, does anyone reading this think he's right? Hello? Do I need to send Eppy to your house to remind you not to make assumptions? She'll do it you know.

"No Lupin, you do not get to be my new godfather!" Harry said loudly. "You are not strong enough for the task even if I still had any respect for you, which I do not. My father, MY FATHER, chose Sirius to look out for me, NOT YOU! He choose Sirius because he is a strong man, a brave man, a man who was a leader and a man who could have shown me the way to be a good man myself. You are simply not up to it."

"But Harry," Professor Lupin said sadly, "I can try. I know I can do a good job."

Sighing Harry took a good long look at the werewolf and said, "Why is it in all of fandom that I and Dzeytoun are the only two people to see that you are not strong enough for it?"

Turning Harry walked away from his former friend, leaving him crying in the corridor of the drafty castle.

x-x-x-x-x

As Harry sat his lunch, he progressively became angrier and angrier. Luckily no one attempted to engage him in conversation and afterward Harry made his way up to his Muggle Studies meeting with Professor Langtree.

"Professor?" asked Harry a little irritated.

"I'm here Potter, don't have that elf of your come after me," Professor Langtree replied with a smile.

Against his will, Harry smiled also.

"Well, I see you're not going to loose your sense of humor after all. We were discussing it in yesterday's staff meeting," the Muggle Studies teacher said in confidence.

"Of all the things to discuss in staff meeting, that was the hot topic?"

Chuckling, the American teacher said, "Well, it has been decided that if you can laugh then perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive the staff."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"I, however, don't think you should forgive them."

"You don't?" Harry asked, shocked by her off-handed remark.

"No, I do not. After spending all that time in one of the worst places on Earth, they think you're just going to bounce back and forgive them as if nothing had happened. I agree with you, they don't deserve it."

"Is this a trick?"

Laughing Amanda Langtree said, "No, I truly mean it. I am also going to tender my resignation when the school year ends. I am just waiting to hear back from an American school I applied to for a teaching post."

"Because of me?" asked Harry. "You shouldn't be out of a job because of me."

"It's not all because of you Harry, lets just say that this is the final straw that broke the camels back."

"Oh, okay."

So for the remainder of their time together, Harry and his teacher began to talk about living and surviving in the Muggle world.

x-x-x-x-x

After dinner that night, Harry stood at the top of the stair that led down into the school's dungeons and to Professor Severus Snape's office. He had been forced to promise to talk to the greasy git about the nutrition potions he needed, but really did not want to do it.

However, he suddenly felt someone standing behind him. Turning he found Eppy looking at him sympathetically.

"Is you's being okay Master Harry?"

"Yeah."

Eppy didn't look convinced. "You's is knowing that you's is needing that potion so you can be big and strong again."

"I know."

"Is you's not wanting to be big and strong Master Harry?"

"That's not it. I just don't want him to know about it."

"Eppy is understanding Master Harry, but you's forgetting one very important thing."

"What's that?"

"Wizards is being very embarrassed about talking about body parts," the elf said and in a whisper continued, "especially the naughty bits."

Harry laughed and started down to the potions classroom.

x-x-x-x-x

A few minutes later Harry found himself knocking on Snape's office door.

"Enter," a voice said from inside and opening the door, Harry found the potions master marking a stack of essays with his red ink.

"What do you want Potter?"

"Madam Pomfrey sent me down to talk to you about brewing a nutrition potion for me."

"Is she out of them in the infirmary?" Snape said in a cool and oily voice.

"No, she gave me phials to drink, but said I would need you to brew one specific to my needs, a general one wouldn't be enough after eating nothing but cold gruel and dirty water for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds."

"Yes, I suppose you do. There wouldn't be another reason you need me to brew a specific potion would there Potter?"

Sighing and not really wanting to talk about it, Harry remembered Eppy's advice and said, "Yes, you greasy git, I need that potion because I can't get it up any more."

Snape actually flinched. Looks like Eppy was right about that.

"That is hardly my problem Potter. This is something for the school nurse to deal with."

"What am I suppose to do then? Just sit around in the hospital wing and feel sorry for myself and carve words in my arm? Is that what you want of me? Well, I DO NOT want to do that! It's just so Finbar isn't it?"

"Finbar?" muttered a confused Snape.

"Never mind," muttered Harry back, but continued in a stronger voice, "Well apparently she didn't want to deal with it and sent me to see you."

However, before either of them could say anything else, Eppy popped into the room.

"Greasy Professor Snape is listening to Eppy he is! You's is going to help my Master Harry or else you's is going to very sorry."

"What are you going to do to me?" Snape asked maliciously. "Hang me up naked and spank me like you did to Mister Malfoy and his friends? You never know, I might enjoy something like that."

"I's is knowing that you's would, I've been sneaking through you's private quarters during class times," Eppy replied sweetly. "You's is needing to be more careful with you's locking charms."

Snape paled if that were possible for someone who's skin was already deathly white.

The elf continued, "Now Master Harry is needing that potion and Master Harry is owning the Daily Prophet and you's is having things that you's is not wanting the public to be knowing from me. So I's is thinking you's is being nice to Master Harry."

Harry stood there with wide eyes. He had no idea what the hell was going on, but he was going to remember it for a long time.

Snape looked at both of them darkly and muttered, "Very well."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

Author's Note: Harry is Eppy first and only master. In fact she very young and Harry** is** allowing her to develop her own personality. No matter where that might lead…heaven help us all!

_Dzeytoun wrote a story called Here Be Monsters I: Wizards Lament, which is the first of a trilogy of stories. However, I haven't read the two sequels yet. I just found them this week. ;) This story is told from Dumbledore's point of view, which is not something you find very often. It made me cry at certain parts of it._

_Finbar wrote a story called Never Trust, which has become my most favorite Harry in Azkaban story, even though it's a one shot story. I highly recommend it. If you can't find it, then click on my name above and go to my favorite authors' page and find Finbar and read that story. You'll like it even though it's a sad one._


	12. Chapter Twelve

_Author's Note: For those of you whop don't know, my home computer was recently attached by a nasty something from the internet and the hard drive crashed, taking everything I had outlined for this story and the last chapter of the Severus Snape Parody and a brand new one I was working on. So my boyfriend Mark replaced the hard drive, but it just wasn't the same and didn't work right. So now I have a brand spanking new computer. So hopefully I will be able to post new chapters again. Now I have to try and remember what I was going to do in the upcoming chapters. _

**Chapter Twelve**

Harry awoke with a start the next morning. He wasn't having any unpleasant dreams, just the contrary; he was having one of the few nice dreams he had in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. Harry was dreaming of the house he wanted to buy and what it would look like. It was a small cottage, just big enough for him and Eppy to live comfortably for the time being.

No, what woke him up was the person sleeping with him that morning had rolled over onto him and now he was pinned to the bed.

"Seamus," Harry muttered sleepily, "Roll over."

"Uhhh, sorry Harry."

Harry's eyes snapped open and he was fully awake. That was NOT Seamus' voice. Who was in bed with him? Looking around him in the darkness, Harry noticed that two red and white striped pajama clad arms were wrapped around him, holding him loosely. When Seamus slept with him, he never wore a shirt. Having that skin to skin contact was comforting, though odd all at the same time.

Turning his head to see who was in bed with him, Harry was shocked to discover… "Neville."

"Yeah," Neville replied sleepily.

"Um, Neville, why are you in bed with me?"

"Seamus asked me to sleep with you."

Harry waited for more, but knew that Neville was going back to sleep and so asked, "Why?"

"Said you slept better when someone was with you and didn't want you to think he was trying to seduce you when you were feeling vulnerable," explained the sleepy Gryffindor.

Harry smiled. Seamus wanted him to feel safe, even if it meant he didn't get to sleep with him. Harry rolled back into his original position and went back to sleep with a warm feeling in his heart.

x-x-x-x-x

Later that morning at breakfast, Harry walked into the Great Hall and towards his friends at the Gryffindor table. Finding a seat between Ginny and Seamus, Harry starts to sit down, but first he leaned in and gave Seamus a little kiss on the cheek.

"Morning," Harry said.

"What was that for mate?" asked Seamus in his sexy Irish accent.

Harry smiled as he began to put food in his plate. "Neville told me a secret this morning. I thought it deserved a reward."

Seamus blushed slightly and asked, "Why didn't you kiss Neville then?"

"It wasn't his idea. Besides, you're the one who knows how to keep bad dreams away."

However, before either of the boys or any other Gryffindor could say anything else, Professor Severus Snape walked up to them with a steaming goblet in his hand.

"Drink this Potter, before it cools. A cold potion will do you very little good."

Harry took the goblet from the potions master and everyone looked at it.

"What is that?" Dean asked.

"My nutrition potion," Harry answered with a disgusting look on his face. "I think."

"I'm not about to poison you Potter," snapped the head of Slytherin House. "Not with that damned little elf about," he muttered. Then with a very pronounced smirk he added, "Do drink it up, it will help get over your **LITTLE** problem."

"Greasy git."

"Impossible brat," replied Snape before moving on to the front table to have his own breakfast.

Harry smiled; he always did like sparring with him. However, he took a long look at this potion and sighed. Taking a deep breath and holding his nose shut, Harry began to gulp the fowl concoction down. When he had drunk it all up, he set it down and had the most horrible look on his face.

"What's it taste like mate?"

"Motor oil with a hint of spearmint."

Everyone laughed as the morning owl posts began to arrive. Not expecting anything other than his morning paper, Harry stuck a piece of bacon in mouth just as a large gray owl landed in front of him with a package for him.

"Well hello there," Harry said pleasantly and fed the owl a bacon rind before relieving it of the package tied to his leg. The owl took off again. Moments later, the owl with his copy of the Daily Prophet landed and Harry put the package aside to read the paper.

A moment later Eppy popped in and asked, "Master Harry?"

"Good morning Eppy," he replied, "What can I do for you today?"

"Is you not going to open that package?"

"I will in a moment, unless you want to do it for me."

"Well, Eppy is thinking it best, in case it is something bad."

Harry smiled at her, "Well go ahead, but be careful. I don't want to loose you."

Eppy cautiously opened the package and quickly discovered that it was safe for Harry to see it. "Oh Master Harry, you's is needing to be reading this." Then she handed him the letter that came with the package.

Harry took it and read it.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_My students and I recently read in the Daily Prophet about the unfortunate loss of your photograph album with your parents' pictures. The children were so sad to learn that you were an orphan and that you no longer had anything to remember your parents with that they decided to help you out._

_In the package you will find several drawing that my little artists have created of you and your parents together when you were a little boy. I hope that you enjoy them as much as they enjoyed making them for you._

_Best wishes to you,_

_Madam Samilda Tollings_

_Teacher, Hogsmeade School of Primary Magical Education_

"Eppy?" Harry asks hoarsely.

However, she didn't reply as she had taken the drawings out and was looking at them with tears rolling down her little elf face.

"Eppy."

"Oh Master Harry," she cried as she handed him some of the drawings. "These is being wonderful."

Taking some of the drawings, Harry looked at each one carefully. Some weren't very good, but some of the students in Madam Tollings class were very capable little artists.

"Eppy, why don't you take these up to the dorm and hang them up?"

Eppy nodded with tears still coming down her face and she gathered up the drawings and popped away.

Harry sighs and starts to return to the Prophet to finish reading it, when he notices that Ginny also has some mail this morning. "Anything good Mrs. Potter?"

Without looking away from her letter, she answers, "Yeah, Mr. Potter, Bill just wrote me back."

Smiling Harry asks, "Oh, what does he think of our upcoming marriage?"

"I really wish you two would stop talking about that," mutter Seamus darkly.

Everyone ignored him as Ginny answered, "He seems to think that Mum and Dad have lost their minds offering me up like they did. He doesn't say, but I think he had words with them about it. He's coming to Hogwarts to discuss it with us … you in particular."

"When?"

"Friday, when term ends."

"Brilliant! That's works into my plan perfectly."

x-x-x-x-x

Walking into Defense Against the Dark Arts after breakfast was over that morning, Harry was in a good mood. Bill was coming on Friday and he would be there when everything happened. He couldn't have planned it better. Not even having to deal with the werewolf could possibly ruin his good mood, or so he thought.

"Harry, may I have a word with you?"

Harry stopped and sighed, 'What did he want now?'

"Yes, Professor Lupin, what school related topic may I help you with?" asked Harry as saccharine sweet as he could muster.

"Actually," the Defense teacher said reluctantly, "it's not about school work exactly, but rather your request for reading materials before you left school on Friday when the term ends.

Harry was confused, but didn't show it. "What do you mean? Are you having trouble finding a reading list for me?"

"No, I have a list of books for you to look at and I even put them in order that I think you should read them so that they aren't confusing. I even took the liberty of created a self taught lesson plan for you go by as you read over your books, when you purchase them," Lupin said with a great deal of affection in his heart.

"I don't understand, are the books out of print or hard to find?"

"No, no, that's not it. I was more concerned about you practicing the practical bits all alone. I think you could use someone with you to tutor you while you study these spells."

Harry could see where this was going amazingly fast. 'Damn him,' he thought.

"You know Harry, I do have the whole summer off now that the Order isn't needed anymore to battle Voldemort and his Death Eaters and I do have some time on my hands…"

Harry cut him off and finished for him, "And you thought that you could come around and tutor me this summer, all the time demanding my forgiveness?"

"Not demand, humbly ask for it. Beg if needed," admitted Lupin.

"You won't get it."

Lupin sighed and looked defeated.

"Would you like to know why you won't get it?"

"Yes," Lupin said hopefully. If he knew why Harry was so reluctant to forgive him then maybe he could work around it and understand at least where the hatred was coming from.

Harry began, "Do you remember last year on Christmas morning?"

Lupin nodded.

"So do I. Do you know what I did that morning?"

Lupin shook his head, partially in fear of what was coming.

"Christmas morning, after having saved up the little bits of drinking water that I had, woke up as early as I could, thinking that maybe one, JUST ONE, of the people I loved, would have forgiven me enough to come and visit me on the one day that I was allowed visitors. To be totally honest, I expected to see you the most that morning. Anyway, I woke up early and with the little bit of water I had managed to save, I washed my face so it wouldn't be too dirty for my family to think I was an animal. I was so thirsty that day having used it all up in the morning I thought I wouldn't be able to wait until Boxing Day to get more."

Lupin squeezed his eyes shut trying to get that picture out of his mind.

"I sat there at my door all day long, listening for footsteps coming my way. Hoping above all else that someone would still love me enough to come. Of course, the Dementors made good use of that broken hope that night. Eight of them swarmed on me and sucked me dry of almost everything inside me and the other prisoners jeered at me that no one loved the 'Great-Boy-Who-Lived'."

"I'm sorry Harry…"

"I don't give a bloody damn how sorry you are!" seethed Harry. "It's done and can't be undone. I thought for certain that one of those Dementors was going to give me the kiss that night. Part of me prayed for it. That was the worst night in all the one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds I spent there. I will never forgive any of you for that night as long as I draw breath."

After that Lupin was speechless. Harry turned on his heals and marched himself to the back of the room where he threw himself in his seat and didn't say another word the remainder of the lesson.

x-x-x-x-x

By the end of the lesson, Harry was becoming very sore all over his body and his feet hurt so bad he thought they would fall off his ankles.

"What is wrong with me?" Harry asked more to himself than anyone.

"Are you sick mate?" Seamus asked worriedly.

"No, I just hurt all over," Harry said looking Seamus in the eye.

"I think you're taller Harry."

"What? I can't be. You're at least three inches taller than I am. No one grows that much in one morning."

Smirking Seamus looks Harry up and down and says, "You have."

Looking at himself, Harry discovers that his clothes have indeed shrunk. His sleeves are now three quarters down his arms, his shirt became untucked and was exposing his belly button and his brand new denims are so skin-tight, well, let's just say certain facts about Harry's physique were on display now. To put it bluntly, he now had one hell of a good package.

"Oh no," Harry moaned. "These clothes are brand new. I have nothing else to wear."

"What about your robes?" Neville asked.

"It annoys people when I dress Muggle. Besides it's required for Advanced Muggle Studies."

"I'm okay with the new look," Seamus said while looking … well he was looking down. I bet you know exactly what he was looking at. Uh huh, that would be it. No doubt about it.

Harry almost blushed at Seamus' comment, if he hadn't been so embarrassed already about feeling so on display. Of course, this was coming from the kid who was doing a strip tease in Professor McGonagall's class in chapter four, remember that?

Dean rolled his eyes and suggested, "Mate, why don't we all go back up to Gryffindor Tower, I'm sure one of us has some clothes that will fit you now. It's only for a day or two and then term ends and you can go buy some more."

Harry nodded in agreement and the four quickly left for Gryffindor Tower, with Seamus taking up the rear. Well, like I said before, Harry's clothes were very tight and Seamus did like the look at a firm bum in tight pants.

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later Harry burst through the door to the seventh year boy's dormitory even more embarrassed then he was when he left Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. It seems he grew a little bit more in the walk up to Gryffindor Tower.

Immediately Harry popped open his denims and unzipped them to relieve the tightness in his pants and began to pull them down before he flopped onto the bed in relief.

"Harry?"

"In here," Harry answered.

"Why were you running up the stairs?" asked Seamus. However, when the young Irishman and the other two Gryffindors entered their room they stood there with their mouths hanging open. They spotted what Harry had missed in his need to yank his pants off.

"What are you guys gawking at?" Harry asked when he saw them just standing there.

No one answered but Neville pointed to the far wall of the room. Harry turned to see what they were staring at and upon seeing it, his eyebrows shot up in surprise. Eppy was near the wall hanging the hand drawn pictures that the school children had sent him that morning and beside her and dangling from the rafters was Ron Weasley. He was a naked except for the goat skin cape he was wearing, a bright red ball gag in his mouth and the sterling silver ring he was wearing… you know… down there, that appeared to be a size too small for him to wear comfortably.

"Um Eppy," Harry began, "What's going on?"

Turning to look at her beloved master, the elf begins, "Well Master Harry, the Weazy was being disrespectful to you's and you's property and I's is teaching him a lesson."

"Oh, okay."

Ron whined helplessly through the ball gag for help.

"Master Harry?" Eppy asked. "You's is being bigger you's is."

"My nutrition potion seems to be kicking in," replied Harry. "How long are you going to leave him up there like that?"

"Until he's is learning his lessons," Eppy answered as she went back to work.

"Okay." Then Harry began to take the rest of his clothes off.

Once again Ron whined helplessly through the ball gag for help.

"Don't worry Harry," Neville said, "I think my clothes should fit you now."

Pausing from her work, Eppy asked, "Why is you's needing to be wearing the round faced boy's clothes Master Harry? You's is just buying all new clothes before we's is coming to this bad place."

"I told you, my nutrition potion kicked in and I grew about three inches today in my morning class," Harry said as he stood naked in the cold dormitory room hoping to put on some of Neville's clothes quickly.

"Damn Harry," exclaimed Seamus.

"What?"

"You're bigger!"

Once again Ron whined helplessly through the ball gag for help.

"We've been through this already Seamus."

Now Dean and Neville were staring at Harry. Event though the two other boys were straight, even they had to admire what had happened to Harry.

"What?" Harry asked again still waiting for some better fitting clothes.

"You're bigger Harry," Neville responded.

Harry was starting to become annoyed as he ignored Ron's muted whine to be let loose from his goat skinned imprisonment.

"What are you three on about and would someone please get me something to wear, I'm getting cold."

"Well Harry, it's like this," Dean started to explain. "It's like Godzilla's tail; you could take out half of Tokyo in one swipe."

"What do you…" Harry began but then realized that the three boys weren't looking him in the eye. In fact Seamus had his mouth hanging open with a tiny bit of drool in the corner. Harry followed their eyes and looked down at himself. **"Oh my GODS!"**

"That's what I was thinking," Seamus muttered wantonly.

Harry immediately tried to cover himself with his hands, but let's face facts; nothing was covering that thing up. Not now and not ever.

"Can someone get me some clothes, please?"

"Here's you is Master Harry," Eppy said as she handed him his clothes.

Harry took them and covered himself up with them and said, "Eppy, these don't fit anymore, I outgrew them this morning."

"Eppy is making them bigger to fits you now Master Harry."

"Oh, thanks," Harry said with a small grin. "You're a life saver."

Eppy blushed at the compliment as Harry put his clothes back on.

"Come on, lets go eat lunch," Dean said as he pulled a still stunned Seamus from the boy's dorm.

"Sound good to me."

The boy left with Ron still hanging there whimpering and swaying in the room to be released.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Don't worry; I am NOT making Harry gay! I just thought it would be nice if Harry actually showed some emotions other than anger, pain and revenge. However, on the flip side of that sentiment, I am NOT making Harry straight either. _

_For those of you who don't know it, Boxing Day in England and most English speaking countries is the day after Christmas. People in the USA don't observe that particular day but that's when it is._

_Also, I would like to confess something to everyone out there. Marietsy is like my most favorite person out in cyberworld right now. So I think if you've not read any of her work, then you need to find her and do so. IT IS TERRIFIC! Eppy makes me read all of her new chapters instead of doing anything else. Eppy gives her two thumbs and a new massager up._


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

"But, Professor," whined Ron Weasley as he followed Professor McGonagall into the Great Hall during the lunch time period.

The strict transfiguration teacher stopped in her tracks and turned to the seventh year Gryffindor and said, "Mr. Weasley, do you really expect me to believe that you were hanging from the rafters of your dormitory in a compromising position?"

"Yes Professor, it's true. The guys came in and saw me there and did nothing to help me."

Frowning at the red head, Professor McGonagall walks swiftly down the table to where Harry was sitting with the other Gryffindor seventh year boys along with Ginny Weasley and a visiting Luna Lovegood eating lunch.

"Mr. Potter," she said sternly. "It is true that you returned to your dormitory and found Mr. Weasley hanging from the rafters?"

"Well, there was something in there hanging, but I honestly didn't notice what it was. I was kinda busy at the time," Harry replied.

Looking at him skeptically, she asked, "And what could have possibly been so engrossing that you failed to notice a prefect hanging in your room?"

Before Harry could reply, Seamus piped up, "His penis grew over twice as big this morning and we were all looking at it."

"Really?" Ginny asked with interest and Seamus scowled at her.

Sighing, the Head of Gryffindor asked, "Please tell me that you have not followed in Mr. Finnigan's foot steps and placed an engorgement charm on yourself in order to impress someone."

"No I didn't," Harry said forcefully. Then he realized what she said and turned to Seamus and asked, "Tell me you didn't do that."

"Yeah he did," Neville and Dean answered together.

Harry shook his head with a smile on his face. However, he returned his attention back to Professor McGonagall. "If he were hanging in the dorm then I would say that Eppy did it to him. You'd have to ask her about that."

"Is that your house elf?"

"Eppy is not a 'that,' she is a sentient being. And, yes, she does belong to me. EPPY!"

A small house elf popped in wearing a little pink dress with little yellow flowers on the hem. "Yes, Master Harry, did you's call for Eppy?"

"Yes, I did," Harry said to her. "Professor McGonagall has some questions for you."

Eppy looked up at the teacher and flashed her a big toothy grin. "Yes, what can I's be doing for you?"

"Yes, well, did you hang Mr. Weasley from the rafters of his dormitory room today?"

"Oh yes, Eppy is being doing that," the house elf replied.

"See, I told you," Ron whined and pouted.

"But, Eppy is only doing that because Weazy was being disrespectful to Master Harry's possessions..." said the innocent looking house elf. "… again."

"How was he being disrespectful?" asked McGonagall, ignoring the beginnings of Ron's tantrum.

"Well, you's is seeing, Master Harry is receiving a nice package from the little children who's is drawing him pictures of his mummy and daddy. They's is reading about how my poor Master Harry's pictures was being destroyed by the cruel and bad wizards and he was missing his mummy and daddy he was. So's when he is getting this package of drawings, I's is putting them on the wall by his bed to reminds him that they's is being good witches and wizards in the world still. But when Eppy had to go make a little pee pee because I's is having a little bladder, the Weazy comes into the room and rips the pretty pictures down and throwing them in the trash bin."

"HE. DID. WHAT?" Harry announced through clenched teeth staring at his former best friend.

"It is being okay Master Harry, Eppy has fixed and pressed all the pretty pictures that the little childrens have sent you and hung them on the wall. You's is not seeing one wrinkle, Eppy did a good job I's did."

Harry did not take his eyes off of Ron Weasley who ducked down and tried to hide behind Professor McGonagall. Like that was gonna work. He's over six feet tall and she was little short woman. Oh yeah, that was good coverage to hide him with. No Harry sat there seething and everyone around them was watching intently.

However, Eppy continued, "So you's is seeing, I's is having to punish him by making him hang naked wearing the goat skins I's is finding in his trunk to be teaching him a lesson about being respectful. I's is not knowing why he is liking goat skins, they is being all smelly and had this funny dried up white substance on them."

Okay, for those of you who can't guess what that dried up substance might be, think about it. If you still can't guess, then you're too young to read this story.

"I see," Professor McGonagall said. Then turning to face Ron she said, "It seems that you have once again failed to act your age Mr. Weasley. I would take house points from you, but I think that you have already been punished." Then she walked away to have her lunch at the staff table, leaving Ron all alone.

"You tried to destroy more of my possessions?" Harry ground out.

Ron gulped and everyone waited to see what would happen next.

"It wasn't enough that you and Granger destroyed everything I owned before sitting in that cold dirty and tiny little cell in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. But now you have failed to learn from your past mistakes and attempted to do it again?" Harry said in a low voice.

"Harry… mate…" Ron stammered.

"Only my friends can call me by my first name _Weasley_!"

Before either boy could continue, Eppy pulled on his sleeve and said, "Master Harry, I's is to be telling you that you's is having a visitor."

Harry looked away from Ron and asked, "Who?"

"Who's is knowing who Master Harry. She has been here before."

"Oh." Then Harry smiled with a hint of evil and continued, "Tell her I'll be there directly."

x-x-x-x-x

About an hour later Harry walks into his Advanced Muggle Studies class to find his teacher already waiting for him.

"I'm sorry I'm late Professor, I had something that couldn't wait."

Amanda Langtree looked at him suspiciously. "What could you have possibly done that couldn't wait? I'm the only teacher in the castle whose homework you actually do."

Harry looked at her impishly but didn't reply.

"Oh, that kind of thing huh? Well as long as I'm not on receiving end of it, then I'll overlook it this once."

Harry grinned at her and took his seat for her to begin the day's lesson. As the books that she had ordered for him had finally arrived, they finally had something worthwhile to do in class. As the two began to discuss the workings of the marvelous Muggle devise called a computer, Harry became very excited. After all he had never been allowed to touch Dudley's two computers before and was really fascinated by them.

However, this lesson it seems was to be cut short. Okay this is fair warning, put the soda down now.

"Amanda," the Headmaster said as he walked into the room flanked by two very large men wearing white robes with the cross wands emblem of St. Mungo's in their chests. "I'm sorry to interrupt your lesson, but I'm afraid that I need Harry to come with these gentlemen and myself."

"Well Professor Dumbledore, this is highly irregular. Harry is my only student in Advanced Muggle Studies and if he leaves, then I'll have no one to lecture to. What do you need him for?"

"I'm afraid," Dumbledore said with a mysterious twinkle in his eye, "that is something for Harry, myself and these two distinguished gentlemen to discuss."

Standing up Harry speaks, "Alright, then I'll ask, what do you to talk about with me?"

"I think that my office would be a much better place to discuss this Harry."

"Uh-huh," Harry said skeptically. "So why do you need two escorts for a simple conversation?"

"They are here to escort you Harry, not me."

"Uh-huh. Where are they escorting me to Professor?"

"Why to my office of course."

"Then where too?" asked a suspicious Boy-Who-Lived to be damned in Azkaban. I mean come on, Harry may have spent one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds, but that didn't mean he was freakin' stupid.

"Well, Harry, I have arranged for you to get some well deserved rest and attention and these two gentlemen are here to escort to a calm and safe place."

"I see," Harry said with a sudden smile on his face. "Did you know that I just had a meeting with a reporter from the Daily Prophet and her photographer and agreed to allow them to take candid photographs of me for tomorrow's edition of the paper, _Professor_?"

The twinkle left Dumbledore's eyes immediately.

"Did you also know that you have no authority in which to incarcerate me at St. Mungo's as you are no longer my headmaster, since I already informed you that I would be leaving school at the end of the week? Algernon Graves made sure I had several tidbits of information about what you can and cannot do in case something like this happened."

"I have no idea what you are talking about Harry."

"I'm sure you don't," Harry replied as two people walked into the room.

"Professor Dumbledore," Rita Skeeter said seductively, "Would you care to comment about what you are doing to poor Harry Potter?" She already had her quick quotes quill out and was sucking on the end of it, to get the ink flowing before anyone could make a sound.

Turning, Dumbledore said, "Ms. Skeeter, how nice to see you again. You've not written anything nasty about me in days. I believe that maybe a new record for you."

"I think we can remedy that, can't we Rita," Harry called out to the reporter and the photographer who was setting up for a picture of the two men from the hospital.

Frowning at his student, the Headmaster says, "I'm sure that won't be necessary." Then with a slight nod to the two men, all three left the Muggle Studies class room.

Harry and Rita shared a knowing smile as Professor Langtree exclaimed, "What the hell was that?"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_I bet you were all thinking that Eppy was gonna kick some Dumbledore butt weren't you? Fooled you!_


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

Thursday morning Harry finds himself snug and warm in his bed and peacefully asleep. In his sleep Harry inhales a wondrous scent and wraps his arms around the warm body in bed with him and snuggles in even deeper. This is the best he has felt in… well ever.

"Harry."

Harry moans gently and stays asleep rubbing up against the body in his bed.

"Harry."

Again Harry stays asleep. However, he is quickly jarred awake by an elbow in his ribs.

"Harry, wake up, you're poking me."

"Huh?" Harry asks sleepily, rubbing his now sore ribs.

"I said, 'wake up, you're poking me'."

"Ginny?" Harry asked in a confused voice. "What are you doing here?"

"It was my turn and after you went to sleep, I crawled into bed with you," Ginny explained. "Now if you don't mind, would you please shift your hips, you're leaving a dent in my hip."

"What?"

Before Harry could ask anything else, Ginny whips the covers back letting him get a good look at his lounge pants and the incredibly huge tenting going on inside of them.

"That's what I'm talking about," she explained with a smirk.

'Oh my gods,' thought Harry frantically. Then jumping out of his four poster bed, Harry exclaimed, **"IT IS ALIVE!"**

This, of course, wakes the other boys in the dormitory room.

"What's wrong mate?" asked Dean poking his head out of his hangings.

"Yeah, what's wrong Harry," Seamus said in a very sleepy Irish accent. "It's past four in the morning."

"There's nothing wrong guys, everything is right again. I am a MAN!" exclaimed a very excited Harry Potter. After all this was his first stiffy in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. I mean come on, what boy wouldn't be excited by that? Hell, I know some grown men who take Muggle medicine (Viagra) and pray for such a thing to happen to them. My father, ooops, did I say that? Never mind.

Seamus finally got a look as Harry swung around to face him as to what he was talking about. With wide eyes the Irishman said, "Merlin! It's even bigger like that."

Harry blushed as the boys laughed.

"Well, if this is what goes on in the boy's dormitory, then I'm going back to my own bed," Ginny said in a mock huff and got out of Harry's bed.

"I'm sorry Ginny."

"It's okay Harry, but I am sleepy and don't really want a matched set of dents," she replied with a smile and left the room with Harry blushing like mad.

x-x-x-x-x

Later that morning, after the boys had risen (as it were) and showered, they made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The boys entered the hall a few moments before the morning post owls entered from above. In fact there seemed to be a large number of them this morning.

"Hey," Neville said the tawny owl that stood in front of him with a copy of the Daily Prophet. "I don't take the paper."

"Just take it Neville," Harry said as he took his copy of the paper. "Everyone in the school is getting free copies this morning."

"Why?" the three boys asked together.

Smirking Harry replied, "Read it and find out."

Immediately the boys opened their papers and began to read. However, before Harry could do so, Professor Snape came up with a goblet full of potion.

"Potter."

"Snape."

Scowling the potions master continued, "Here is your nutrition potion. I see that you have grown since you started taking it yesterday."

Smiling Harry said, "Yes, I have sir. All over."

"Yes," Snape relied dryly. "You must be thrilled with the outcome."

Seamus, Dean and Neville had their hands over their mouths trying to not laugh. They all three knew what Harry was going to say. However, Harry didn't get to say it.

"Oh yes, Professor Snapey-Poo," Eppy said as she popped in. "My wonderful Master Harry is getting big all over. He is outgrowing his clothes and his penis is being enor… enor… really big it is."

Scowling Snape departed towards the staff table leaving the four Gryffindors laughing behind him.

"Eppy you are priceless," Harry said beaming at the little elf. Then sighing, Harry took a deep breath and began to drink his potion.

"I wonder how much bigger you'll be by lunch time today," Seamus asked in his husky and sexy Irish accent.

Harry did his best to not spit out his potion. When he finally got it swallowed, he said sarcastically, "Thanks Seamus, I really needed that. Yet another Darkmoore moment to have to live through."

Seamus laughed and returned to the morning Prophet, not bothering to ask you Darkmoore was again.

"Harry," Dean said as he read. "Do you know what's in the paper this morning?"

"Kind of," Harry replied mysteriously as he glanced up to the staff table to see how Dumbledore was taking the morning editorial. Smirking Harry opened the paper and read.

**DUMBLEDORE COVERING UP HOGWARTS STAFF MURDERS**

By Rita Skeeter

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has apparently blamed the murders of teachers Rubeus Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures and Sybil Trelawney, Divination on the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, which ended up with him being sent to the wizarding prison Azkaban. However, after Harry Potter was found innocent of these crimes, the investigation to uncover the true murderers has yet to be undertaken by the headmaster.

The members of the wizarding society are demanding answers from the headmaster, as he seems to be completely unconcerned that two members of his staff were murdered right under his nose and that an innocent student was blamed for said murders.

For furthers details, turn to page two.

Harry smirked and put the paper down.

"Master Harry?"

"I'm sorry Eppy, I didn't mean to ignore you."

"That is being okay, Master Harry," Eppy replied innocently. "However, I's is having a bone to pick with you and it is not being the one that poofy Irish boy want to pick."

"Good," Seamus muttered, "I don't need the competition."

Smiling Harry asked, "And what would that be Eppy?"

"Eppy is recently meeting another house elf who is saying he is being your elf. I's was thinking that you's is not having any other elf but Eppy," she said with a pout.

"Well," Harry began wondering what in the hell she was talking about. "You know that Dobby is not really my elf, he is free and is my friend."

"Eppy is thinking that Dobby would be wonderful as you's house elf. But I's is not talking about him."

Harry looked at her confusedly. "What are you on about?"

"I's is talking about this," Eppy said and then snapped her fingers. With a loud crack two house elves popped into the Great Hall. One of the elves was dressed in a shrunken maroon jumper and several wooly hats while the other had only a dirty rag wrapped around its middle like a loin cloth.

"Dobby is telling you again you's is not saying bad things about Harry Potter!"

"Keacher is saying what Keacher wants about Master, the dirty Mudblood loving blood traitor that he is."

"Oh," Harry moaned and let his face fall into his hands. He had completely forgotten about Kreacher. He had only inherited him shortly before he started his sixth year at Hogwarts.

"Yes, Master Harry, 'Oh' is being right," Eppy said sternly as Dobby sunk his fist into the older elf's stomach. Apparently she did NOT like sharing her Master Harry with anyone, especially this dirty old mean spirited house elf. Then turning to the other two she screamed, "OH YOU'S IS STOPPING IT NOW!"

"Kreacher does not have to obey little snippet of an elf who loves blood traitors," the older elf said. "Oh what my mistress would say if she knew the horrors that Kreacher had to live thro…"

However, he never finished his sentence as Dobby belted him across his mouth with his tiny fist.

"You's is not talking about Eppy that way," Dobby announced triumphantly, which caused Harry to smile. It seemed to him that Eppy had a protector now.

"Dobby," Eppy said sternly again, "I's is not telling you again. The best way to deal with is like this." Then she lifted his little pink skirt with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem to reveal that she was wearing steel toed Muggle military combat boots. Eppy then swung back on of her little legs and then nailed Kreacher in his… well lets just say he'll have some trouble not making a puddle in his loin cloth for a while.

"Ooof!" the boys said together as Kreacher fell over onto the marble floor of the Great Hall.

Then Eppy turned on her master and began tapping a military combat covered foot on the floor. "Is this … **_elf_**," Eppy said with distaste, "really belonging to you?"

Sighing Harry looked at her and told her the truth. "Yes, I'm afraid it is Eppy. I'm sorry, I completely forgot about him. I had hoped that I would never see him again."

Dobby and Eppy looked at each other and together said, "We's is agreeing with that."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_For those of you that I confused, Eppy conjured the goat skins to embarrass Ron with. They weren't really in his trunk; she just made that part up._

_Once again Darkmoore wrote a story, which he should finish (hint, hint, hint) called Harry Potter & the Veela That Wouldn't Go Away, in which his enormous penis is talked about. That's where I got the idea, but he's okay with it._

_I know that I am probably the slowest reader in the history of the world, as some people tell me that they managed to read HBP in five hours or less. I wish I had that kind of free time. It took me a couple of days to get it done. I am NOT incorporating much into this story, in fact next to nothing. The only thing would come close is the Kreacher scene above and that's only because I had thought of it before, but it got deleted with my computer crash and I completely forgot about it until I read HBP._


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

Walking into the Charms classroom, Harry and the other Gryffindor seventh year boys notice that Ron and Hermione are already there talking quietly but animatedly to each other. Harry noticed that from the looks of things, Ron was getting chewed out about something. Harry smirked and took a seat beside Neville and promptly put his two former friends out of his mind.

A few moments later the bell rang signaling the beginning of morning classes and the tiny charms professor came in and shut the door as he usually did to begin his morning lecture, however instead of going to the head of the class, he walked over to the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-Accused-Of-Doing Murders-That-Anyone-Should-Have-Known-He-Didn't-Commit. It's a long title, but what do you expect this is a parody.

"Harry?" squeaked Professor Flitwick.

"Yes sir," Harry answered politely. After all he never really did anything to cause Harry to suffer in that dirty little cell in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. No Professor Flitwick just worked with those that did, plus he wasn't a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

"I have that reading list of Charms books that you asked for last week," Filius Flitwick said as he handed over a parchment with the reading materials on it. "I've grouped the major reading and supplemental readings together so that they would be easier for you to understand."

"Thank you very much Professor."

Starting to turn away and go to his desk, the Head of Ravenclaw house halted and turns back, "Harry I don't suppose there would be anyway that we could talk you into staying here at the school is there?"

Harry sat there a little stunned. Never before had Professor Flitwick taken up the 'Harry should stay in school' banner as many of the other teachers had. "Umm," was all he could think to respond with.

Smiling the kind hearted teacher says, "Think about it Harry," and wanders up to his desk to start the class.

"Yeah, Harry," Seamus said as he leaned forward and whispers in Harry's ear. Seamus' breath tickles his neck and sent a very tiny shiver down Harry's spine. "I don't suppose there is anything anyone could do to convince you to stay with us is there?"

Harry suddenly felt a little embarrassed and has absolutely no idea why but whispers back, "Class has started Seamus, you should pay attention, and you may need to know this for a future test."

"Right," Seamus replies and he sits back in his seat leaving Neville snickering beside Harry.

"What," he hissed at his friend. It's nice to have a friend that you feel you can hiss at sometimes you know.

Neville leans over and says, "Its okay you know."

Confused Harry asks, "Huh?"

"That you can like Seamus back."

"Have you been talking to Eppy?"

"No, but its still okay for you to have feelings for Seamus."

"What are you on about Neville?" Harry asks defensively. "I'm not like that, I like girls. I would have thought you'd have noticed what happened when I woke up with Ginny in bed with me."

"True," concedes Neville, "but it was Seamus that you take showers with…"

"One time."

"And," Neville continued ignoring Harry, "it was Seamus that you kiss good morning and not anyone else at Gryffindor table."

"I was being nice."

"And," Neville went on still ignoring the red cheeked boy next to him, "its Seamus that you want to hold you when you can't sleep at night."

"Only because you roll over and crush me in my sleep."

"Whatever you say Harry," Neville whispered looking all smug.

"Boys!" Flitwick said with a stern voice as he peered over his glasses at the two whispering Gryffindors. "Are you with us?"

"Yes Professor," the mutter in unison.

x-x-x-x-x

After class was over, Harry went off by himself to think about how he was going to deal with Bill when he came calling tomorrow. However, try as he might all he could think about was what Neville had said to him in Charms earlier.

"I's is knowing what you's is thinking," said a voice from around Harry's knees.

Harry looked down and saw an innocent looking little house elf wearing a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem looking up at him.

"What's that?"

"You's is thinking that maybe that round faced boy is being right and you's is not knowing what do be doing about it," Eppy said.

"How do you know about that?"

"Eppy is always being near you's Master Harry. I's is always worried about what that nasty Headmaster is thinking up to be doing to you's before we's is doing it to him."

Smiling, Harry asks, "So what do you think?"

"Well, Eppy is being thinking that gay man-sex is being hot."

Harry laughed now. "I'm not sure I agree with that."

"That is being because you's is being raised by nasty Muggles who's is being very narrow minded about anything that is not being about them," Eppy explained.

Harry thought about it. He could remember several occasions that Vernon Dursley went on about the two men that lived together at Number 11 Privet Drive and how they should be tarred and feathered for their unnatural acts. Petunia had agreed with him, but when he was at work she secretly spied on them relentlessly to see if their garden was better looking than hers.

Then he thought about the boys here at school. He knew that Oliver Wood was gay before he graduated back in Harry's third year. He had caught him with his boyfriend in the Quidditch shower room together one day before practice. Harry never thought it odd or unnatural what Oliver and his boyfriend were doing. In fact all he thought was to leave so he wouldn't disturb them.

He knew Colin Creevey was gay, and even though he didn't particularly like the boy, he didn't dislike him for that. Harry just thought he was a bit of a pest really.

Then lastly there was Seamus Finnigan. Harry had no idea he was gay until that shower a couple of weeks ago, but didn't think less of him for it. In fact it was kind of comforting to know that someone loved him. Then the thought that made Harry stop dead in his tracks hit him like a ton of bricks. Every single time he thought about someone being with him, he always, ALWAYS assumed that they would only do it for his fame and not because they actually loved him for just being Harry, but not Seamus. He knew he couldn't return the love like Seamus wanted him to, but he had accustomed to it without any thought about questioning the Irishman's motivations.

"Master Harry? Why's is you's being stopped?"

"I just realized something I hadn't thought of before."

"What is being that?"

"Um, nothing, I'll talk to you later," Harry said and strode down the hall lost in his thoughts again never seeing the odd look on the elf's face before she popped away.

x-x-x-x-x

At lunch Harry sat at the Gryffindor table pushing his food around with his fork when his dorm mates came in and sat down around him.

"Hey mate what's up?" asked Dean as he sat.

"Nothing," Harry said still pushing his food around.

"Harry, what's wrong," asked Seamus with a hint of worry in his Irish accent.

Harry started to say 'I'm fine,' when Seamus began tracing circles on Harry's back, which caused him to tighten, but then relax which in itself was now a moment of concern for the young man.

"If you're about to say 'I'm fine'," Seamus said, "Then I'll hex you."

Smiling, Harry said, "Yeah, I guess that would be a very Mione5 thing to say."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

However, before anything could have been said, the doors to the Great Hall banged open revealing Cornelius Fudge standing there with Algernon Graves, Rita Skeeter, a man that Harry thought looked remarkably like an old lion and a group of people that could only be described as the fiercest Aurors anyone had ever seen.

"Oh good, the floor show is about to start," Harry said with glee.

"Floor show?" asked Neville.

"Just wait, you'll see."

As the group passes Harry and his friends the Minister of Magic bowed his head respectfully at him, Rita winked at him playfully and Mr. Graves looked like he was delighted beyond words.

"Ah Cornelius," the Headmaster said as the group reached the teacher's table. "What can we do for you and these distinguished people today?"

"We are today to see that justice is done," the Minister said with great delight.

"A very admirable goal to achieve in life Cornelius, I applaud you."

"Yes, it is indeed Albus," Cornelius said with a smirk. "Rufus?"

Harry saw the man standing beside the Minister was the one he thought looked like an old lion. "Yes," he said gruffly, "We are here to arrest one Albus Dumbledore, the current Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"You are more than welcome to try," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "But I would hate to have to hurt you and your fine associates Mr. Scrimgeour."

Harry heard the Headmaster and knowing him well enough, jumps out of his seat and with a pout walks up to the gathering. "But Daddy," he said with an innocent look of a small child, "You always told me that no man is above the law."

"Yes, that does sound like something you would say doesn't Headmaster?" Mr. Graves asked as Rita Skeeter began sucking on the end of her acid green quill as she took notes.

"Now Dumbledore are you going to come quietly or are you going to be difficult about this?"

"I suppose I have no choice in the matter," the Headmaster replied wearily.

"No you don't," the Minister of Magic replied happily bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Rufus, do see to the arrests of Weasley and Granger as well."

Rufus Scrimgoer nodded to two of his Aurors, who went over to the Gryffindor table to apprehend the Head Girl and her boyfriend.

Harry stood there and watched as the three of them were marched out of the Great Hall in front of the entire school. Yeah today wasn't such a bad day after all.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Just to let everyone know, I recently received an email informing me that I have mislabeled my story as a parody. I was informed that it should be labeled as angst and I was going to be reported for this. So if this story should happen to disappear, you'll know why._

_Mione5 is a writer here at F A N F I C T I O N D O T N E T who has several very good stories. In almost every one she always has Harry telling everyone "I'm fine." You should check them out._

_Also Eppy would like to say something…_

_Up comes a little house elf wearing a little pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem carrying her 'Hello Kitty' diary. Conjuring a chair for herself she sits down and opens her book up to look at something._

"_Recently Eppy has been getting reviewed bys a big masculine soldier that is being named Mozes and his big muscular manly soldier friends who's is being known as the 'Little Squirts Fan Club' over in the desert… you's is knowing where, it is being all over the Muggle newspapers." Then a dreamy happy expression comes over the innocent looking elf's face as she thinks about those big muscular manly soldiers working hard in the desert with no shirts on exposing their masculine muscular, hairy chests to the sun. _

_Shaking herself out of her dream, she continues, "As Eppy was being saying, I's is being very happy to being able to … service … such an extrao…extr… a large group of brave handsome manly soldiers who's is all manly and muscular and shirtless and…"_

_Then the elf conjures a large bowl of ice and jumps out of her chair to sit on the ice._

"_Ohhhhh. That is being better it is," she cooed happily. "I's was beginning to be feeling all hot … you kow, down there."_

_After a few moments of cooling off, the little elf continues, "Eppy is being all grateful to those boys over there and hoping to be hearing from them again real soon." Then blushing she adds, "And if they's is happing to be all naked then that is being okay with Eppy."_


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

Later that evening, after the commotion of the arrest of the Headmaster and two prominent Gryffindors had calmed down; Harry was sitting in his dormitory thinking about what the best way of dealing with the Weasleys when they arrived was going to be. However, he didn't have as much time as he thought he would.

"Master Harry," said a little elf wearing a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem and steel toed Muggle military combat boots, as she popped into the room. "You's is having visitors you's is."

Smiling, Harry asked, "Is Rita here to do a follow up article on the reactions of the wounded savior?"

"No, it isn't being her Master Harry. It's is being the Weezys."

"What?" asked Harry in astonishment. "They aren't supposed to come until tomorrow."

Putting her little hands on her hips, Eppy replies, "Well, they is being here now. That red-haired woman who's is being round all over is looking like she's is about to be storming the castle alls by herself."

Smiling with incredible mischief or was it pure evil, it's so hard to tell in these old castles that do not have adequate lighting. I mean come on, how a kid is supposed to study if they are making themselves go blind. You'd think someone would have thought of this before.

"Eppy, where are my dorm mates?"

"They's is being in the common room."

"And Ginny? Where is she?"

"She's is being in the common room consoling that pesky blond haired Muggle born boy who's is wanting to be you's butt servant."

"Huh? Oh Colin. Never mind him," Harry said absently. "Here's what I need you and Dobby to do for me…" Then Harry gave her the instructions he wanted done before hopping off the bed to gather up what he needed.

"Oh Master Harry, you's is being all bad, you's is. You's is making Eppy feeling all dirty. You know," she paused to point, "done there."

"Um, glad I could help. Now get going, if they are in the castle we don't have much time."

Giving him a toothy grin, Eppy says, "Okay," and pops away.

x-x-x-x-x

"Harry," Seamus said as he came into the room with Dean, Neville and Ginny in tow. "What's going on?"

"Good, you're here. Okay, I need the biggest favor from you four. The Weasleys are here early and will most likely want to see me."

"Mum and Dad are here too?" asked Ginny.

"Apparently," replied Harry, "and I have a little surprise in store for them, but I need your help."

"I'm in," Ginny said immediately.

"Count me in too," Seamus said not wanting her to out do him.

"You don't even know what I have in mind."

"Harry," Ginny said as she crossed her arms, "my mother is trying to turn me into your whore to keep her and Ron out of jail. Do you honestly think I am in any mood to deal with one of her tantrums? Besides seeing what you did to Ron and Hermione, I suspect I will want to be there to watch."

Harry looked at the fiery red headed girl in awe. Something deep inside of him reared its head and made its presence known to him right at that moment.

'What the hell was that?' Harry thought to himself, but shook it off, he had work to do.

"Okay here's what I have planned…"

x-x-x-x-x

About an hour later, Harry and the others had everything ready. All they needed was for the Weasleys to find them and then the fun would begin.

"Ginny are you sure you're okay with this?"

"It's a little late to ask me that now Harry. I'm already sitting in the middle of it and it's too late to back out now."

Harry rolled his eyes. She had a point.

Turning his head to look behind him and said, "How about you Seamus?"

Seamus wrapped his arms around Harry from behind and said, "I like it where I am now," and nuzzled into the nape of Harry's neck.

"Horny Irish pervert," Harry muttered which caused both Ginny and Seamus to grin. Harry was about to say something else, but they suddenly heard voices from the other side of the door. Time for indecision was up, the show was about to start.

"I don't care what he's doing, I want to see him now," shouted the irate voice of one Molly Weasley through the door.

"But Mrs. Weasley, I told you he's busy right now," Neville's muffled reply came.

"Mum, you're not really in a position to be dictating to him, maybe you should calm down."

"You watch your mouth around me Bill Weasley, I'm your mother. Now where is he?"

"In there," Dean said, barely audible.

Suddenly the door burst open and in came the Weasley family led by Molly to find Harry Potter naked in the large claw footed bathtub, taking a leisurely bath with both his fiancé to be Ginny Weasley and his dorm-mate Seamus Finnigan.

"**OH MY HEAVENS! WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!"** she bellowed.

"What does it look like?" asked Harry sarcastically. "I'm taking a bath."

"**GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY WHAT ARE DOING IN THAT BATHWATER WITH TWO NAKED BOYS?"** continued the Weasley matriarch.

"Research?"

"I'm not a boy, I'm a man now," Seamus said darkly. "I'm of age."

"Actually," Harry began, "I think the question should be, 'What the hell are you doing spoiling my special time with the two people who are my in competition to become my mate?' That is since you barged in here uninvited."

"Harry James Potter! You have some explaining to do young man!"

Okay, let's think for a moment. Does Harry react well to these kinds of accusations and ill temperament? I mean really have you been paying close attention to the past thirty five chapters? Well you know, except for the angst and the pseudo gayness that was thrown in as a red herring, (or was it) Harry has been all about getting back at the people who have wronged him in some fashion or another.

"I have some explaining to do?" said Harry in what was close to cold fury. "I have some explaining to do?" he repeated for effect. "You are the one who decided to whore out your own daughter to cover up the fact that you stole from me. Stole my gold! Robbing from me, raping my family name!"

However, before Harry's anger could go further, the water between him and Ginny started bubbling and suddenly a large neon pink round thing emerged from the water. The neon pink thing rose from the water slowly and finally perched itself on the side of the bathtub.

"Master Harry," Eppy said as she removed the goggles and air hose from her face. Eppy was wearing a neon pink scuba diving suit with bright yellow flippers and an air tank strapped to her little back. Holding up a toothbrush sized brush and a wash cloth she continued, "Eppy is being all pleased to be telling you that you's enour… enour… really big penis is being all squeaky clean now."

"Thank you Eppy," Harry said politely, "that was very kind of you to do that for me."

Everyone stood in silence and shock as they watched this, except for Seamus and Ginny who were holding back their giggles.

"Whoring out our daughter?" Mr. Weasley broke the silence and asked as he turned to his wife, trying the best to ignore that his youngest child was naked in front of him. Well actually she is covered by bath bubbles up to her shoulders, so really not that much is being exposed.

"Didn't she tell you?"

"Molly what have you done?" Mr. Weasley asked ignoring Harry's barb.

"Yes Mollywobbles, tell your husband what you have done," Harry said nastily.

"Mollywobbles?" Seamus asked.

"That's what he calls her when they get funky with each other."

Ginny gasped, "My parents do NOT get 'funky'!"

Harry and Seamus looked at the girl at the other end of the tub. "Ginny, they have seven kids; I think the funk has come to live at your house."

Ginny shuddered and the three went back to paying attention to the elder Weasleys.

"I don't think I know you anymore Molly," Mr. Weasley said in exasperation. "First I find out that you stole gold from Harry, though at the time you did it I could have understood, if I had known, but we do owe him the galleons back. Now you've offered him our daughter … our baby girl … up like some kind of sacrificial offering without even telling me first. What were you thinking?"

"Well, you see, Arthur," she stammered, as the wind had completely been taken out of her sails. Let's face it a house elf cleaning someone's penis is not an everyday occurrence. Well maybe at Malfoy Manor, but not here. Oh come on, you know they would do that just to be evil.

"Yes, Mollywobbles," Harry said, trying to help her along. Yeah that's it, to help her.

"I just didn't want to see my little boy going off to Azkaban for something that couldn't be helped," she cried. "He's just a little boy and the Dementors can do terrible things to young people."

All the color immediately drained from Harry's face.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said through clenched teeth, "please be so kind as to inform me what it is like for a young man to be around Dementors twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds? It seems that I wouldn't possibly be able to comprehend that information in my tiny little mind."

A dull thwack sound could be heard in the room.

"Oh be buggering it!" exclaimed Eppy who had of course changed out of her neon pink wet suit and into her black leather cat suit with the stiletto heals. "My whip is being all too wet to be cracking it."

"I … well, you see … OH THERES NO TALKING TO YOU WHEN YOU ACT LIKE THIS! Ginny get out of that tub this instant!"

"STAY. WHERE. YOU. ARE!" growled Harry, talking to Ginny, but looking at Mrs. Weasley. "If you think for one moment that I am going to allow you to further humiliate your daughter by forcing her to parade naked in front of a room filled with boys you have another thing coming!"

The creature in Harry's chest that awoke earlier was not happy with anyone seeing Ginny naked. Harry noted it, but didn't have time to think about it. Especially since he had his head up his own arse about his feelings for Seamus after Charms class today. If he weren't enjoying himself right now, he would be a basket case with all of these conflicting emotions.

"She's my daughter!"

"My fiancé! Remember, you gave her to me."

"**ENOUGH!"**

Everyone, including Harry and Mrs. Weasley turned to look at Bill.

"I think it would be a good idea if we all left them for a moment to get out of the tub and get dressed while we all wait in the common room for them," Bill said reasonably, though he was looking rather irate.

"I can't allow her to be naked with two naked boys in the same room," Mrs. Weasley countered. "It just isn't right."

Seamus scoffed, "Really? Then what would you call Ron moving into the Head Girl's room with Hermione at the beginning of the year then? Cause that's what he did."

"You didn't tell me that," accused Harry. "I could have had so much fun with that information."

"Slipped my mind," Seamus said cheekily. "I was too happy to have you back in the castle to worry about what he was doing."

Harry closed his eyes, sighed and seemed to sag back into Seamus' broad naked chest as the Irishman wrapped his arms tighter around him. When he opened them again he saw Neville and Dean escorting most of the Weasleys from the room except Bill and Charlie who were each staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"What?"

"You can't have Ginny you know. She is not up for grabs like some piece of merchandise. She is an almost grown woman and has the right to make her own decisions about when and who to marry," Bill said seriously.

"I know that."

"Good. I also know that this is nothing more than a stunt you pulled to rile up mum," Bill continued. Then smiled and said, "and it worked."

"Everyone needs a hobby," Harry said with a smirk. "However, she still made the offer through Ron and it has to be addressed."

"I'll take her place."

"What? Bill asked looking at his brother.

"I said, 'I'll take her place'," repeated Charlie. "If Harry is trying to decide between a boy and a girl to be his mate, then I have every right to take her place since I am older than she is and as such, all of the boys should have been offered up first."

Everyone stared at Charlie curiously as Harry got out of the bathtub.

"MY GODS HARRY," exclaimed Charlie making Bill turn and look. "YOU'RE A TRIPOD!"

"Yeah and you can't have it," growled Seamus as he also emerged from the tub.

Ginny giggled and said, "You should see him with an erection if you think its big now."

"GINNY!" Harry said with a blush.

Bill looked murderous and asked menacingly, "Why has my baby sister seen your erection?"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_I have no plans on moving this story to any other site mostly because I like this one. However, I have been reading stories and when someone objected and complained to the powers that be, the stories mysteriously disappear. Sometimes all an author's works go away as well. Also, that was one of my first reviews in chapter 34 and since I'm still around, I guess it was an empty threat or the powers decided that I am classified correctly. I'm not worried, just wanted to warn everyone._

_To remind everyone, I am not making Harry gay, straight or bisexual. For those who are thinking this is going to be slash, which are fun to read sometimes, keep the faith, I do have a plan!_


	17. Chapter Seventeen

_October 28th is the 17th birthday of Devon Murray, the young actor who portrays Seamus Finnigan in the Harry Potter films. I've just seen the promotional pictures of him and let me tell you… the boy is now a man._

**Chapter Seventeen**

Bill looked murderous and asked menacingly, "Why has my baby sister seen your erection?"

Harry blushed even deeper and said, "It was kind of an accident. I didn't plan on it."

"Is that an engorgement charm or are you naturally that large?" Charlie asked still looking at Harry's really big pee pee. "I think it's bigger than my broomstick."

Pinching the bridge of his nose Harry mutters, "Not what I wanted right now, another Darkmoore moment." Then looking up at Charlie, he asks, "Are you gay? I didn't know that."

"Nah, I flip both ways," Charlie said still looking down.

Seamus noticed that and quickly wrapped a towel around Harry's middle. "Keep your eyes forward," he warned in his dangerous Irish accent.

"Ginny," Bill said not liking the way the conversation was turning, "How is it that you've seen Harry erection?"

"We were in bed together and it was digging into my hip."

"Alright Bill," Charlie said very quickly and grabbing his brother's arm began pulling him out of the room. "Let's wait in the common room for them."

x-x-x-x-x

A short time later, a fully dressed, Harry, Ginny and Seamus were walking down the stairs of the Gryffindor Tower towards the common room that lay at the bottom.

"I can't believe you said that to him Ginny," Harry scolded her.

"Well he asked," Ginny replied as Seamus snickered.

"This is not funny."

"Yes it is," the other two replied together.

Together the three Gryffindors stepped off of the bottom step and into the common room proper, which of course was filled with red headed people that Harry really didn't want to talk to, but had to because it was all a part of his master plan. However, the Weasleys didn't notice him entering the room; instead they seemed to be deeply engrossed in their own conversation. Harry suspected they were trying to come up with some form of game plan as to how to deal with Harry and get him to drop all of the charges against Ron and Hermione, who were now sitting in some holding cell deep in the bowels of the Ministry of Magic. However, he was wrong.

"Its how big?" Mrs. Weasley asked her second born son.

"It's huge," Charlie replied enthusiastically. "I mean if he and Ginny were to get together, we'd have a Ginny-kabob on our hands. I mean really, I think he could puncture some of her internal organs if he got too enthusiastic about it."

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and groaned in annoyance. This was NOT the conversation he wanted to overhear them talking about.

"So Ginny," Seamus asked as he leaned over to her, "Are you frightened yet?"

Smirking back at him she replied, "Nope. Are you? You've been trying to climb that pole ever since Harry returned to school. According to Charlie, Harry might end up splitting you in two."

"Yeah, but what a way to go."

"You two are not helping matters you know," Harry hissed at them. They merely laughed at him, which in turn drew the Weasley's attention away from each other.

"Oh good, you're here," Mrs. Weasley said looking both stern and somewhat concerned for her daughter's … well you know, those bits … down there.

"Yes, I am here, in the castle that I have been forced against my will by wizarding law to live in while everyone who ever betrayed me demands my forgiveness without for one moment actually asking for it or trying to actually earn it, all the while trying to have a private moment with two naked people who are important to me. Why are you here?" Harry said coldly giving a hint knowing full well that it would once again go unheeded as it has been in the previous thirty six chapters.

"Yes, well," Mrs. Weasley hedged for a moment before plowing on. "We wanted to talk to you about the upcoming marriage between your self and Ginny and the immediate release of Ron from Ministry custody."

Harry blinked at her and strolling over to one of the thread bare scarlet sofas sat down in the middle with Ginny and Seamus taking seats on either side of him. Ginny immediately scrunched down to place her head on his shoulder and Seamus, not to be out done, as he is competitive and really horny, also scrunched down, but instead of putting his head on Harry's other shoulder, grasped Harry's hand and intertwined their fingers together making sure the white outline of the words, 'I must not tell lies,' was visible to everyone in the room.

Deep down in Harry's stomach the beast that was sniffing Ginny's hair and had been intently watching beautiful round breasts as they emerged from the bubble bath was raging with the ball of confusion that he had about his feelings for Seamus, which had come from out of the blue, but was holding its own with the beast and causing Harry's head to swim with confusion over the two and slowly giving him a headache in the process. Having a headache now was not helping with the more immediate problem of a room filled with red headed Weasleys.

Pushing all the battling parts of himself that were having it out in his stomach down further in order to clear his head, Harry looks coldly at Mrs. Weasley and asked, "Are you not bargaining for the release of Hermione Granger, Head Girl as well?"

"Well I think that would be something for her parents to do."

"But she's apparently been shagging your son all term. That is when he's not out professing his love to a few goats as the entire school heard about in that howler you sent. I would think you would have a more than passing interest in her well being as well as his."

"Yes," Mrs. Weasley said with the beginnings of a good old fashioned tantrum, "I never sent those howlers and you very well know it."

"But the rest of the school doesn't," Harry said as Seamus began kissing the tips of his fingers. "They think that he's been having sexual relations with a goat. I'm surprised that he didn't have his prefect privileges taken away from him for that alone. I don't think it would set a good example to the younger kids in the tower."

"I'd like to know who did send those letters."

Smiling Harry admitted, "Oh that was Fred's and George's doing."

"**_WHAT?"_** the Weasley matriarch said as she turned on the twins, who were quietly trying to edge their way towards the portrait hole and their escape.

Stopping dead in their tracks the looked at their mother and said in unison, "Harry made us do it."

"Yeah mum, Harry would've taken …" Fred started and George finished, "… the store away from us."

From the look on Molly Weasley's face she was about to become volcanic. However, before she could say anything, a popping noise was heard that could be nothing else than a house elf entering the room.

"Harry Potter sir," squeaked Dobby excitedly as this was his very first solo assignment from the Boy-Who-Lived since returning to school. "Dobby has done as you's instructed and fire called those people you's is wanting to being coming to the castle and they's is being here soon."

Beaming at the elf, Harry asks, "As in on their way here or on the school grounds here?"

"They's is just crossing the main gates Harry Potter."

"Thank you Dobby."

The elf beamed with pride and bowing low, popped away again.

Turning back to his visitors Harry asked, "Was there something else?"

"Yes actually there is," Bill said stepping up before his mother could dig herself in deeper. "You never explained why it is that my baby sister has seen your erect penis."

"Or how it got so big," Charlie chimed in for good measure.

"Well, as you may remember when you saw me a couple of weeks ago in the Leaky Cauldron when I told you all to go fuck yourselves that I was short, scrawny and very malnourished having had nothing but dirty water and moldy food for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. After being forced to return to school and dealing with a colony of Banshees," Harry explained and Seamus shuddered at the mention of the Banshees and his perceived shame at not standing up with Harry to fight them. "Seamus dragged me to go visit **_that woman_** in the infirmary and she refused to brew the proper potions I needed forcing me to go begging Severus Snape, the greasy bastard from hell, to do it for me. After a little blackmailing from my house elf Eppy, he agreed to it and brewed my need specific nutrition potions which caused me to experience a rapid growth to my potential height, weight and muscle structure. However, it also caused my penis to more than double its size as well."

"Wonder if he'll brew me some of that potion," Charlie muttered.

Bill was about to say something, probably a reminder about the erection when Harry cut him off.

"Now as I was saying, after returning to the castle I was not sleeping well and was having really bad dreams and nightmares causing me to toss and turn quite a bit at night. Seamus here," Harry said and gave his dorm mate's hand a squeeze that caused the two beasts in Harry's stomach to start fighting again, "noticed and crawled into bed with me one night and held me close and giving me a safe feeling for the first time in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. After that he slept with me and held me tight a couple more times waiting until I was asleep to do it."

Harry paused noticing that Mrs. Weasley had her handkerchief out and was dabbing her eyes. It annoyed him but he ignored it and moved on with the story.

"Eventually Seamus, being the wonderful and loving guy he is, decided that I might be uncomfortable sleeping with another guy, particularly a gay one and had Neville crawl in bed with me once. That didn't work very well as he kept rolling over on top of me. So later after Ginny had humbled herself and actually asked for my forgiveness instead of demanding it as everyone else did, Seamus asked her to sleep with me after I had gone to sleep. Now the night Ginny crawled into my bed, fully clothed in case your dirty minds are heading somewhere else with this, was the second night after I started taking my nutrition potions. Having grown several inches the day before I was very sleepy and didn't notice her until early in the morning when I achieved the first erection I had in one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds, which is how she managed to see my penis erect Bill. Does that qualify as a good excuse in your warped sense of 'big-brotherness'?"

Bill thought about it for a moment then asked, "Did you touch it Ginny?"

Ginny thought about it and qualified, "Does Harry dry humping me in his sleep count as touching it?"

Harry flushed and Seamus snickered from head to foot.

"GINNY!" Mrs. Weasley cried, "You are far too young to know about humping things."

"Apparently not," the twins muttered together.

Suddenly from behind the Weasleys a voice was heard crying out…

"There's she is being! Eppy is telling you's that I's is bringing you's to that woman who is being stealing my wonderful and prettiful Master Harry's gold from him and I's is doing it," cried a small elf wearing a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem and wearing steel toed Muggle military combat boots that have apparently been glued with bright red glitter. "You's doing you's jobs you's is and arresting her now!"

"Are you Molly Weasley?"

"Kingsley Shacklebot, you know full well who I am," she said.

"This is procedure Molly," Kingsley replied in a low voice and continued in a booming voice, "We have been dispatched from the Auror office of the Ministry of Magic of the United Kingdom to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to arrest you, Mrs. Molly Weasley, on charges of theft of gold from the private vault of one Harry James Potter and theft from Gringott's Wizarding Bank in general. You will now accompany us back to the Ministry."

"Arthur?" she said to her husband looking very afraid.

"I'm afraid that you'll have to go with them Molly."

Ginny got up from the sofa and went over to her mother. She was not happy about being sold of into marriage, but she still did love her mother very much and wanted to hug her before she was taken away.

At this point Harry's attention was dragged away from the Aurors and Weasleys as Seamus asked him a question in his husky sexy Irish accent, "So you think that I'm a wonderful and loving kind of guy, huh?"

"I wouldn't have said so if I had thought otherwise."

Smiling Seamus leans in very close and in an act of daring reaches up and plants a chaste kiss on Harry's lips, causing Harry's eyes to almost pop out of his skull and the beast that was a ball of confusion in Harry's stomach kicked the other beast that couldn't stop thinking about Ginny's bare and soapy breasts right in the … safe deposit box and then did a little gig of glee.

"Umm," Harry said as he rubbed his stomach where the two beasts were now in a knock down drag out.

"Yeah Harry?"

"I think we just had a MusingCalliope moment."

"I hope that's a good thing," Seamus said as he stared into Harry's emerald green eyes.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_As another reminder, I AM NOT MAKING HARRY GAY, STRAIGHT or BISEXUAL! But I am messing with your heads … A LOT! Don't worry, I have plans for another Harry kiss that'll even the odds, so DO NOT PANIC, I HAVE A PLAN and an outline._

_Once again Darkmoore wrote a story called Harry Potter and The Veela That Wouldn't Go Away, in which Harry has a very large penis and is often referred to as having a broomstick between his legs._

_MusingCalliope wrote a story called Questions here at ff dot net. It's a short one shot about Seamus kissing Harry after a Quidditch game and how Harry didn't see it coming. I just couldn't resist it considering how my story was going. Tee Hee._

_For those who are wondering, I first heard the tripod comment on a British sit-com called "Coupling," when it was playing on BBC America. If you ever get to see it, it's hilarious! For those of you who was wondering. Also a tripod is a three legged stand, usually to hold a camera, with all three legs of equal length and strength. _


	18. Chapter Eighteen

_In case no one noticed I have changed my pen name from Fangalla Marie to Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf. So everyone will have to re-bookmark me in your computers so you can find me easier. Don't look at me like that, Eppy made me do it. I think she's taking over._

**Chapter Eighteen**

Harry wonders around not really sure where he is. He knows he's in a very old Muggle village, but there are no people around he can see, which really is good considering he stark raving naked and doesn't want anyone to see him that way. Harry didn't really want to be arrested for public indecency. I mean really how would that look on the front page of his own newspaper; HARRY POTTER WALKING AROUND MUGGLES SHOWING THEM HIS BUSINESS. Not an attractive idea to start the day with, a bunch of photographers taking his picture while Rita Skeeter asked him how it felt to have his enormous pee pee swinging free.

However, on the flip side of that argument, it never once did it occur to him to enter someone's home and find a pair of trousers to cover himself with. Even though he was a little shy about having his pee pee swinging free, which it did, like a horse's tail. Swinging back and forth, to and fro, whatever that means.

"Where am I?" he asks and not getting a response. Who was there to answer? Hello, we've established that the village was empty. Harry keeps on walking until he comes upon a small park area with green grass and the sun is shining warmly on it and it felt very nice to have the sunlight on his bare skin. He was thoroughly enjoying having this Neil moment.

In the park Harry notices something moving behind a clump of trees and is instantly curious and wants to investigate. In fact his curiosity is so strong that he completely forgets that he is naked. So skirting around the trees, the Boy-Who-Lived soon discovers two people, a man and a woman, both of whom are also completely naked and very much enjoying each other's company if you know what I mean. Harry blushes from embarrassment, but somehow finds that he can't look away. The man, who is standing behind the woman, has thick black messy hair on his head, broad muscular shoulders and strong well muscled arms, while the woman is leaning over the picnic table while her long red hair fly around her head, obviously in fits of ecstasy.

"Dad?" Harry mumbles quietly to himself as he realized who this man might be. "Mum?" Then Harry forces himself to look away, he couldn't look at that. It didn't matter what he had experienced in life, no seventeen year old boy wants to think about his mother doing that, let alone enjoying her self while doing it.

"Nope, I'm afraid you've got it wrong," the man said as he … well let's just say he was performing a repetitive action with his hips and leave it at that, shall we? "I'm not dad, I'm you Harry."

"What?" Harry asked bewildered. "But that's mum you're with… I'm with… we're with."

Laughing the more muscular and macho version of Harry says, "No, it's not Mum. What do you take me for?" Then grabbing hold of her hair, and without missing a thrust, pulls the girl up so that her face can be seen in the sunlight.

"Ginny," Harry breathes as he watched her smooth creamy skin glisten in the sunshine. Watched as her breasts bobbed up and down in rhythm with … well I think you can figure out what that is.

"That's right Harry," said his double as he … well I think at this point we know what he's doing to her, so I'll stop mentioning it. "This is what your life would have been like if you'd stayed in school last year."

"I'd have a tattoo of a Hungarian Horntail across my hairy chest? I don't have a hairy chest."

Smirking, his double said, "Well, not that part. I'm just the representation of what you think you're ideal body image should be, deep, deep down."

"You're that beast in my stomach aren't you?"

"Yep. Well one of them anyway. I'm the one that's in love with Ginny."

"I'm in love with Ginny?" asked Harry. Was he in love with Ginny?

"Well, you were falling in love with her before you were arrested and sent to Azkaban for murdering Hagrid, Professor Trelawney, Percy Weasley, several house elves and that large three headed dog, Fluffy," his double explained, as he … well you know.

"And now?"

"Need you really ask?" his macho double replied. "You were the one watching her supple breasts as she emerged from that bathtub tonight. I know you felt that fire ignite in your belly as we watched her."

Watching the two of them, Harry felt his double had a point.

"Unlike like them," his double said and nodded towards another small group of trees.

Taking a deep breath before he turned, Harry fully expected to see him and Seamus doing the same thing that his double was doing with Ginny. However, he was wrong and the site he found was nothing what could have imagined, which was two fully dressed six or seven year-old boys playing monster trucks in the sand pile.

"What the?" Harry muttered as he walked closer to the two boys. One of which was a scrawny boy with round glasses and a lightning bold scar on his forehead and the other was a sandy haired boy with the devil in his grin. Harry watched the child version of himself playing with the child version of Seamus Finnigan.

"Hiya Harry," his child version looked up and said to him.

Instinctively Harry tried to cover his … nakedness, but let's face it; nothing short of a five foot two by eight was going to hide that thing. "Um, hi."

Smiling the boy said as he pointed to the other two, "You don't have to be embarrassed. I've already seen them going at it all night."

"Um, yeah. I was kind of wondering why you and Seamus aren't doing the same thing."

"Why do you think?" the child Harry asked.

"I don't know really," Harry admitted.

"Because you don't see Ginny and Seamus the same way."

"Well that's just brilliant," Harry said sarcastically. "I'm standing here naked and you tell me that I see them differently."

"Seamus gave you permission to be weak and then took care of you."

"What?" Harry asked rather stunned. This was not something a little kid should understand.

"It's perfectly natural for you to think of Seamus as an equal and Ginny as a sex object."

Harry gawked still stunned.

"You better shut your mouth before a fly goes in," giggled the little boy.

Harry shut his mouth, but still didn't speak.

Helping him out, the boy says, "Look at them over there being all sweaty and nasty. Tell me what you see in yourself."

Harry looked and truly thought about it. "He's … I'm strong. I'm in charge and I hope I'm pleasing her. I feel sexy thinking about it. Like a man should be."

"And when you look at us in the sand?"

Harry looked back at the two boys with their monster trucks and strange sound effects coming from Seamus' mouth as he toppled over a sand mountain.

"Safe. Warm. Childhood… the one I never got to have," Harry said and finished quietly looking sad. Then looking the boy in his eye Harry asks, "Am I going crazy? Do I have multiple personalities in my head with you and him?"

"Um, I don't think so."

"Thank Merlin, I thought I was having an EmySabath moment."

"Who?"

"Never mind," Harry said dismissively. "So what happens now?"

The boy Harry smiled and said, "You wake up."

x-x-x-x-x

Harry suddenly bolted upright in his bed. He was panting and sweating like he had just run a marathon and he was out of breath. This had to be the strangest dream he'd had since returning to the castle.

Flinging back the covers, Harry scrambled out of bed. It was the middle of the night and everyone was still asleep. The Aurors and Weasleys had left several hours ago and Harry had went to bed shortly after that kiss Seamus had given him in the common room.

Not wanting to think about that again, Harry pulls on a sweatshirt and removing his lounge pants, puts on a pair of sweatpants and heavy wool socks and quietly leaves the dorm room and went down the stairs to the common room.

"Harry Potter is you's being alright?" asked Dobby, who was sitting at one of the work tables with Eppy working on something that Harry barely bothered to notice.

"Yeah," Harry said as he ran his hand through his hair and took a seat in front of the now cold fireplace.

Getting up quickly, Dobby rushes over and restarts the fire for him as Eppy gathered up their project and hid it away.

"Thanks," says Harry as he begins to stare into the flames.

The two elves looked at each other with some concern. They had no idea where this sullen and moody Harry Potter had come from.

x-x-x-x-x

"Harry? Are you down here?"

Harry continued to stare into the dying embers of the fire and didn't answer.

Seamus walked up to the chair Harry was sitting in wearing nothing but a pair of lounge pants that are hung low on his masculine hips. Okay, that was for Eppy, so live with it. "Harry mate, are you alright?"

"I don't know."

Looking concerned, Seamus takes a seat in another chair and asks, "Did you have another nightmare?"

"Yes … No … I'm not sure."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Yes … No … I'm not sure."

"Okay, as long as you're sure about it," Seamus said with a grin.

Harry threw Seamus a disgusted look and said, "I think I'm mad at you."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that mate. I'm sorry I kissed you tonight, but …" Seamus paused, not knowing how to continue without digging his arse in deeper.

"You took away my anger. I needed it and I want it back."

"What?"

"You heard me," Harry said quietly.

Seamus sighed. Where did that come from? "Harry you don't need to be angry all the time."

"Don't tell me what I need," spat Harry. "It doesn't matter if I needed it or not, I WANT it. I have to get back at them for hurting me and I need it back to do it."

"That's not who you are Harry. You're not an angry person; you've always been a person who lets his heart guide him. You forgave me when I was being a right little berk to you in our fifth year. You are a good person Harry."

Jumping to his feet, Harry begins pacing around and yelling, "HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE BLOODY HELL I AM ANYMORE!"

Seamus slumped back in his chair and Eppy, who had been listening, hid under a table.

"THE DURSLEYS TREATED ME WORSE THAN A SLAVE!" Harry ranted. "THEN I FOUND OUT I WAS A WIZARD AND EVERYONE TREATED ME LIKE THEIR MESSIAH AND THEN I CAME TO SCHOOL AND EVERY YEAR I WENT FROM BEING A HERO TO BEING THE VILLIAN DEPENDING ON WHAT THEY WANTED TO BELIEVE EACH YEAR."

Harry paused and continued, "Then Hagrid was killed and no one believed me that I didn't do it. Dumbledore knew I didn't do it and still I was sent to Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. Who would have thought I killed Hagrid. He came and took me away from the Dursleys and into the wizarding world."

Falling back into his chair, Harry still went on, "He was my first friend … ever … and he had a heart bigger than the forbidden forest. They didn't even look for his killer, just threw me away and I need my anger to fight them, to punish them." Harry seemed to slump into himself and whispered, "Why did you take my anger away?"

"I didn't take anything away from you mate," Seamus said as he slipped out his chair and moved over to Harry. "You let it go, when your heart didn't need it anymore."

"I still need it."

"Why do you need your anger Harry?"

"So I won't be weak."

"You've never been weak Harry. You've always been strong."

"No I've not."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_For those of you that are confused why Harry has so far only put Dumbledore, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Molly Weasley in Ministry custody. Well there are others that have done Harry the dirty, but they for some reason (hint, hint, hint) do NOT work at Hogwarts and by the end of Chapter 37, that's where Harry still is. Now repeat after me, FANGALLA HAS A PLAN! Eppy knows about the plan and is currently wringing her hands and giggling in a very Mister Burns kind of way. I am soooooo frightened!_

_Neil wrote a trilogy of stories with the first one called Hogwarts Exposed, which can be found at both scnoogle dot com and on his yahoo group site. In these stories, which are loosely based on Barb's Psychic Serpent trilogy, Harry marries Hermione and they become nudists as are their adopted children. Though I have not asked his permission to reference him, I cannot see him refusing. However, I am NOT recommending them for reading as I didn't read all three stories._

_EmySabath wrote a story called Me, Myself and I in which Harry said about twelve different personalities in his head. That story is located a ff dot net for those interested and I really enjoyed reading that story._


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_In case everyone doesn't know it, I have recently taken the idea in my head to revise this story. Basically, what I have done is combining smaller chapter together based on subject. For example, the chapters involving Harry's shopping trip in Diagon Alley are now all together. I have added in a small amount of dialogue, so if you have time, go back and reread what I have changed. Also, I have deleted all of the chapters that no longer apply, as someone (in a panic) informed me of recently. Don't worry, the entire story is here!_

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Avada Kedavra!"

Harry heard the curse mere moments in time to dive out of the way.

"What the?" he asked himself. Harry was completely confused, who could be cursing him now? All of the Death Eaters were rounded up when he defeated Voldemort a fortnight ago. None of them escaped that he knew of.

"Come now Potter," spat the voice of Lucius Malfoy. "You can do better than that."

"What do you want Malfoy?"

"Why to kill you of course. I would have thought the killing curse was quite obvious as to what my intentions are Potter. Or has the one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds you spent in Azkaban addled your blood traitor mind?"

"Better a blood traitor than an inbred dimwit without the brains to know that his master wasn't a pureblood to begin with," Harry taunted back.

Moments later Harry felt another curse whiz past the top of his left ear. It wasn't the killing curse this time, but one almost as bad. This was a dark spell that would liquefy your internal organs slowly making you literally drown in your own body. Harry had seen it before and it was not a pleasant way to go.

"Just my luck to be stuck in an Abraxan moment," Harry muttered as he moved again. Harry moved as fast as he could, but was almost instantly caught in a cross fire and before he knew it he was literally stuck between a dark wizard and a hard place.

"Now I have you Potter," spat the elder Malfoy and once again cast the liquefying curse at him.

"**NO!"**

From out of nowhere Seamus ran up and placed himself between Harry and Lucius Malfoy and took the curse right in the middle of his chest.

"Seamus!" yelled Harry and ran to his friend who had fallen to the ground in a puddle. Cradling his friend in his arms, Harry cried, "Why Seamus? Why? That was meant for me not for you."

"Because … I … I don't … want to … see … to see you … hurt anymore."

"Don't talk Seamus; the spell is turning you into a melted mess. I'll get you back to the castle and we'll get you fixed right up," pleaded Harry frantically.

"I … love you … Ha…"

Seamus said no more as his entire body let loose its cohesion and melted into Harry Potter's arms as the Boy-Who-Lived sat there helplessly.

Suddenly Harry sat upright in his bed panting and covered in a fine film of sweat.

Feeling around his own bed, thinking Seamus was going to be there, as he usually was, he found that he was alone in the bed. Then grabbing his glasses and throwing open the curtains of his four poster bed, Harry jumped out of it and ran across the room to Seamus' bed. He had to know if he was alright. Was he dead? Was he melted? Flinging open Seamus' curtains Harry saw that his bed was empty also. Harry's faced went white and he began to feel around the bed looking for the wet spot. Not that kind of wet spot, get your dirty minds out of the gutter.

"Harry? Is something wrong mate?" Dean asked.

"Seamus?" breathed Harry in worry. "Where's Seamus?"

"He went to take a shower a couple of minutes ago. You just missed him," the dark skinned Gryffindor replied. "Is something wrong?"

"Maybe."

x-x-x-x-x

Standing under the spray of the hot water, Seamus Finnigan, was relaxing under the feeling of the heat against his naked body. Really, you could have figured that out, how else does one shower other than naked.

"Seamus?"

Harry watched as Seamus opened his eyes and looked at him. Relief washed over him as he entered the shower stall and grabbed a hold of the Irishman's shoulders to make sure he wasn't turning into liquid.

"Harry?" asked Seamus concerned as Harry rarely jumped into the shower wearing his clothes. "What's wrong?"

Still grabbing Seamus in various places, no, not there, to make sure he was indeed as solid as he looked. Harry said, "Sorry. Had a bad dream. Malfoy cursed me, but you took it instead."

"It's okay. I should have slept with you last night. I knew you weren't feeling very well last night."

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about mate."

"No," Harry said hesitantly. "I mean I'm sorry about last night. I had no right to treat you like that. It wasn't your fault that I'm completely mental and it was uncalled for."

Smiling Seamus said, "I've been expecting it you know."

"What?"

"You've got a lot of bad things in you that you need to get out. I knew that before you returned to us."

"Oh," replied Harry, both relieved that Seamus would forgive him and guilty because he thought he didn't deserve it. However, he had little time to think about his confused feelings as Seamus pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it out of the shower cubicle.

"Seamus, what are you doing?"

"You're soaking wet and you'll catch your death if you don't get out of those wet things and warm up," Seamus replied as he pushed Harry's lounge pants down.

Harry's eyes were about to pop out of his head as Seamus guided him under the hot water.

"Don't worry about it, we're just going to have a little Darkmoore moment and that'll be that."

"Are you going to perform oral sex on me?" asked Harry not sure to be scared or not.

"Not planning on it."

"Oh, well then this isn't a Darkmoore moment; it's more of a Myr moment."

"Whichever."

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, Neville, Dean, Seamus and Harry entered the Great Hall to have breakfast at the Gryffindor table with their housemates.

"Good morning," Harry said cheerfully. He had felt better ever since his morning shower.

"Morning Harry," said Luna dreamily. "How are you this morning?"

"I feel much better."

Ginny snorted on the other side of the Ravenclaw student.

"Ginny," Harry began, "I am sorry about what happened to your mother, I had no idea that the goblins were going to press charges against her as well for the theft of my gold."

"Bill could loose his job you know," she said huffily.

"I know, and I will talk to them about it when I get to Diagon Alley. I promise."

Ginny relaxed as Luna gave her hand a squeeze. "You see Ginny, I told you he wasn't as bad as he pretends to be."

Harry frowned at the comment. He was too as bad as he pretended to be. Wait, that wasn't right.

"Potter," Snape interrupted this thought as he approached the Gryffindor table with yet another steaming goblet of nutrition potion. "Make sure you drink this before it cools."

Taking the goblet, Harry nods and pinching his nose shut, he gulps down the horrid concoction.

"Also," sneered the potions master holding out a parchment, "Here is that reading list you asked for. I assume that you are capable to of reading these books. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if you had that thrice damned little elf read them out load to you."

"Ah, how nice," Harry said to the Head of Slytherin House. "This is so Marietsy of you. I'm sure Eppy is going to miss you too."

"Impertinent brat!"

"Greasy git."

Looking pained at what he was about to say, Snape said, "You know Potter, with the Headmaster and those two incompetents you once called friends removed from the castle, there is really no reason that you couldn't stay on and continue your education."

Harry looked at him incredulously; well actually everyone who heard him say that did as well. "Are you under the imperious curse?"

"No Potter, but I think that the Headmaster was correct when he thought you needed to finish your education and become a part of wizarding society."

"Is someone black mailing you into saying this?"

"No, Potter," growled Snape impatiently.

"But you hate me and everyone who bears my family name. Why would you want me to stay here?"

"Of course I hate you. You are an identical reproduction of your arrogant father. But as long as you stayed well away from my dungeons I couldn't honestly care less where you stay. However, you may need to know some of the things the teachers here have to impart on you in order to survive in our world."

"I'm rich, I own the Daily Prophet and after I buy a house for myself, I plan to put it under the Fidelius Charm, so as I see it, they have to find me first in order to mess with me."

"What?" Seamus exclaimed.

"How remarkably brave of you Potter," said Snape and stalked off.

"Is that what your going to do Harry? Go off and hide somewhere for the rest of your life? Will we even get the chance to ever see you again?"

"Seamus, I was just winding him up."

Seamus and the others looked skeptical.

x-x-x-x-x

After breakfast is over with, Harry leaves the Great Hall to return to Gryffindor tower in order to make sure everything is packed and ready to go on the train. He knew Eppy and Dobby would make sure all of his possessions were safe and secure, but he wanted to see for himself.

"Potter."

Harry turned to see Professor McGonagall, the acting Headmistress, standing in the entry way.

"Yes, Professor, did you want something?"

"Actually, I have that reading list you asked for," she said handing him a roll of parchment. "Also, I wanted to talk to you about not leaving the school."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Did Snape tell you to try after his attempt failed?"

"Attempt? What are you talking about Potter?"

"Snape also asked me to stay at school instead of leaving it. Didn't you know?"

"Severus asked you to stay?" whispered the acting Headmistress. "No, I didn't know. He never once mentioned that he wanted you to stay."

"I was rather shocked myself," Harry said. "However, I am leaving, as I need to attend those trials and I am looking to buy myself a house to live in. So I am leaving."

"And there is nothing stopping you from returning after the Christmas holiday is over."

"True, but I don't want to return."

"Potter … Harry, I cannot impress upon you the need for you to finish your education."

"Professor, where was this sentimentality when I was being railroaded into Azkaban? I don't remember you doing anything to help me that day. Or any other day after. I spent one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in that dirty little cell in Azkaban and not once did anyone ever do a damned thing to help me. So why bother now?"

Minerva McGonagall stood there stunned.

"That's what I thought," Harry said and then turned and returned to his trek up to Gryffindor tower.

x-x-x-x-x

A couple of hours later, Harry was coming back down to the entrance hall with his trunk and house elves with him.

"Master Harry?"

"Yes Eppy?"

"Is we's being leaving the castle for good now?"

"Yes Eppy we are. Are you okay with that?"

"I's is thinking that I's is having no one to being whipping now that we are leaving. Eppy is going to be missing that."

"Me too."

Harry, Eppy and Dobby were soon joined by the other Gryffindor seventh year boys as well as Professor Amanda Langtree, the Muggle Studies teacher.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Professor Langtree."

"I have something here for you," she said pleasantly. Then she handed him a scroll of parchment and a package covered in brown paper and tied up in string.

"What's this?" asked Harry curiously.

"This is your reading list of books that will help you survive in the Muggle world and this is a little something I put together for you when you enter the Muggle world to stay," she explained to him. "But don't open it now; I want it to be a surprise."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"Good. Now I was talking to Minerva and she tells me you still plan on not returning to the school. Is that true?"

"No, I'm not coming back here ever again."

"Are you sure?"

Laughing Harry stated, "Yes, I am sure."

"You know I'd be pleased if you came back, even just for a visit. I just love watching all of the pranks you pull on the staff. I found them highly entertaining."

"Yeah, well, everyone needs a hobby."

"It's been a pleasure knowing you Harry Potter," she said giving him a hug.

"It was a pleasure meeting you too Professor."

"And you're sure you're not ever coming back?"

"I'm sure."

"Well, what the hell then," she said and then grabbed a hold of Harry's face and gave a large wet kiss, causing Harry's eyes to bug out comically and him to hold his hands out in the universal gesture that he wasn't instigating this.

Neville and Dean had to hold Seamus back when the Muggles Studies teacher kissed Harry.

Releasing the stunned boy, Professor Langtree said, "Well, I'll be seeing you then." Turning on her heels, she walks back up to her quarters.

"Um, ah, wah," sputtered Harry.

"Bitch," Seamus muttered under his breath as Dean and Neville released him.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Apparently I was vague in last chapter when I described the two beasts in Harry's emotions or rather his stomach. The masculine macho one with the muscles and the hairy chest was meant to symbolize Harry's heterosexuality and the child Harry was meant to symbolize his emerging attraction towards Seamus. Also we know from chapter 17 that the two are in conflict with one another. Please tell me you understand this. They each want what they want. Thus is putting Harry into more conflict emotionally after the Pam Ewing dream sequence. (Pam Ewing was a character on the night time Muggle drama called 'Dallas' in case you didn't know.) I also know chapter 18 was angsty at the end, but in how many Azkaban stories does Harry actually get to have an emotional response to being locked in with Dementors for that long? Usually it's all about everyone begging Harry's forgiveness and finally at the end he grants it, but never does he deal with his emotions of that horrible episode of his life. I mean Sirius was a total bastard for most of Book 3 when he escaped._

_Abraxan wrote two stories here at F F dot net, the first was Harry Potter and the Refiner's Fire and then its sequel, Harry Potter and the Time of Destiny. Both are good stories and I have enjoyed them very much even though he killed Seamus Finnigan off with that melting internal organ curse. Eppy cried for days!_

_Once again as I've mentioned, Darkmoore wrote a story (an incomplete story I might add) called Harry potter & The Veela That Wouldn't Go Away, in which Harry and Seamus have a shower together. Actually, Seamus gives Harry a blowjob, but that's not the point._

_Myr on the other hand wrote a story called Harry Potter and The Parliament of Dreams which is a Harry/Draco story but before they got together Harry and Seamus had a very interesting shower together._

_Marietsy wrote a story called Flames of Betrayal and in the last chapter Severus Snape and Dobby become friendly and miss each other's company. I highly recommend this story to be read if you aren't already reading it that is._


	20. Chapter Twenty

_I know it's been a LONG time since I last updated this story and I am sorry, but in reality it's been killing me also, but you know how these stories go. Write about Harry in Azkaban, get close to the end and not post the last few chapters for weeks, if not months to make the readers about die from the wait. It's all apart of my master evil plan for Eppy to take over the universe one chapter at a time._

_Also I am posting because Coventina was bitching at me to do it soon._

**Chapter Twenty**

The group rode down to the train station in the Thestral drawn couches in a tense silence. Harry was still stunned by his teachers parting goodbye and Seamus looked murderous. Very, very murderous, indeed.

At the station Seamus bolted from the carriage and stormed into the train compartment that they were going to be riding in on their journey back to King's Cross Station in London and threw him self into the seat on one side of the compartment in a huff. There ain't nothing better than a horny Irishman getting all pissy about someone else working his territory.

"Seamus," Harry said with a smile as he came in right behind the Irishman, "Please try and calm down, I didn't do anything wrong. There's no need to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous," pouted the Irishman, "I'm just being indignant on your behalf."

Dean snorted as he pushed his trunk up onto the baggage rack above them.

"Well, she did attack Harry."

"She did?" asked Neville in mock confusion. "Did she put a memory charm us, because I don't remember her attacking you Harry."

Harry continued to smile as Seamus pouted.

"She attacked him with her tongue," spat Seamus in disgust, which caused Dean and Neville to snicker at the humor of it, while Harry lowered his head and just shook it trying not to burst into laughter.

"Attacked me with her tongue?" asked Harry as soon as he could without laughing. "Is that even an offense on record at the Ministry of Magic?"

"Actually," Seamus huffed, "yes, it is."

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, as Dean, Harry and Seamus were playing Exploding Snap while Neville read a book about Herbology; they were joined by another pair of students entering their compartment. Looking up Harry sees Luna and Ginny standing at the door.

"I hope you don't mind us joining you," Luna said dreamily as she plucked the book from Neville's hands and settled herself into his lap causing the young man to blush.

Arching an eyebrow the horny Irishman asks, "Is there something you might like to tell us Neville?" Apparently in a much better mood considering the hissy fit he was throwing when the train left Hogsmeade station. Yeah, this is a much better attitude for him to have.

"Um …" Neville started to say, but then Luna squirmed in his lap trying to get more comfortable and completely oblivious to the fact that his eyes rolled up into the back of his head. "No," he choked out.

The other three boys snickered at Neville's predicament, especially Seamus.

Noticing this and remembering what had happened in the castle, Ginny moves over to Harry and settles herself into his lap as well and purrs, "Hello Harry."

"Hi," Harry replies as he looks over to Seamus to see if he would explode again. However, Seamus just nods to the red haired girl and picked up the cards knowing that their game was over for now. Confused, Harry turns back to Ginny.

"Ginny?"

"Yes, Harry."

"I think I'm scared."

Giggling, Ginny asks, "Why is that Harry?"

"Seamus doesn't seem to be plotting revenge on you like he was with Professor Langtree."

"Bitch," Seamus said as he put the cards back into the pack.

"She does seem very friendly," Luna said dreamily as she stuck her finger in Neville's … ear. Yeah that's where she put it, in his ear. I mean we're not rating for her to put it anywhere else.

"Why are you plotting revenge of Professor Langtree?" asked Ginny knowing full well what had happened in the castle as Harry was leaving.

Seamus shot Ginny a dark look.

Harry answered for the Irishman, "It seems that she assaulted me with her tongue."

Ginny giggled at them.

With a grin on his face Dean said to Seamus, "Mate, you didn't seem to mind it when it was you assaulting Harry with your tongue."

"Excuse me?" Ginny asked not looking too happy about learning this new piece of information. "Exactly when did this happen?"

"Last night when you were hugging your mum before she was taken away to the Ministry," Harry explained, wondering what was going to happen next.

"And then we took shower together this morning … again," Seamus added with a smirk.

"Two naked wet boys in the shower together is so hot," Luna said absently as she kissed to tip of Neville's … nose. Yeah that's what she kissed the tip of, his nose. I mean we're not rating for her to kiss anywhere else. "Would you shower with another boy so I could watch Neville?"

"Um … well … I don't think I would enjoy that very much," he gulped with only the white of his eyes showing. Clearly the majority of the blood in his body was not in his skull.

"But you'd think about it, wouldn't you Neville?" Luna asked absently as she repositioned herself in the larger boy's lap. Still clearly unaware of what was happening … you know … down there.

"Okay."

Ignoring what was happening between Neville and Luna; Ginny looks Harry right in the eye and asks, "You take showers with Finnigan?"

"Only since he got out of Azkaban," Seamus answered, trying to help Harry out. Yeah help him, that's the motivation in that statement. To help him.

"Well," Harry sputtered. "It's not like it happens all the time. Besides I took a bath with you."

"Uh huh," Ginny said unconvinced. "Since when did you start kissing him?"

The beast in Harry's stomach was roaring with approval to her apparent jealousy. "He kissed me actually and it was only the one time. Last night. When I was distracted by your family."

"Uh huh," Ginny said still unconvinced.

"He took advantage of me."

"Just like Professor Langtree," Dean added in, which, of course, caused Seamus to scowl at the dark skinned Londoner. He apparently did not want to be compared to that American hussy.

"So let me get this straight," Ginny began. "You allow yourself to be kissed by all of these people?"

"Ginny you know these things always seem to just happen to me," Harry said defensively. "Just read most fanfiction stories and you'll see. I have absolutely no control over my own life."

"What kind of stories?"

"Stories written by my fans that put me in these situations that couldn't possibly happen in a million years that are then published in places where my fans go to read them," explained Harry. "Then of course there are the reviewers who respond to these stories written by my fans who constantly complain about my repeating that I was in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds."

Ginny looked bewildered at this apparently new information. She couldn't wrap her mind around all these fans and reviewers.

"Never mind," Harry sighed.

"So if you have no control over your own life then I can do this…" Ginny said and then grabbing Harry face, she plants a large wet kiss right on his mouth. The beast in Harry's stomach was dancing for joy, which caused Harry to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. This is truly what it felt like to be a man!

Breaking apart Harry sputtered, "Wow."

"I have to go … to the loo," Seamus said abruptly sounding hurt and shot out of the compartment.

"Seamus?"

"I didn't mean to hurt him," Ginny said. "I was just …" However, it seems she didn't quite know what she was just doing.

"I know Ginny," Harry said as he sat the girl on the seat and got up himself. "I think I'll go after him and make sure he's alright."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Alright, I know that this was way too short of a chapter, but my muse ran away and I've been strung out without her. I think Eppy whipped her or something._


End file.
